This month is kind of a slow one for gaming, but thankfully we were able to dig up a few games to get you through your post-holiday depression period, some of which are actually pretty good, but none of which are as bitchen’ as the following picture:
Lord of the Rings: Conquest
System: Multi-Platform Release Date: 1/13
In this action/strategy game, you can take control of either the forces of good or of evil in the battle for Middle Earth. I don’t know why anyone would want to play as a bunch of fruity hobbits, elves and talking trees when you could have orcs, Nazguls, war elephants and the Balrog at your disposal, but at least the option is there, I guess.
Skate 2
System: Xbox 360, PS3 Release Date: 1/21
Skate 2 looks a lot like Skate 1, adding very little to the formula that brought them such great success… Which is probably a good idea, after seeing what happened to Tony Hawk Pro Skater after it added too many bells & whistles for it’s own good (and was subsequently abandoned by the skateboarding community). What this means exactly is that you’ll be pretending to fall down a lot and moving stuff around so you can try to jump off of it and fall down some more. I’m not sure why this is fun, but some people seem to like it. Read the rest of this entry →
Chris and Sheva mow down an entire village, meet Baghead!
By Jeremy Azevedo
If you are reading this, you probably already know that Resident Evil 5 is looking like it’s going to be one of the best games of the year, or ever. Having played the game myself, I can tell you that these images are no joke, the game really looks like this in action.
In fact, RE5 almost looks better in action than it does in the cut scenes, which is a weird reversal of roles if ever there was one. Check out these new screens from the playable demo at E3 to see for yourself…
Friday Night Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!
This week’s film is “Zombie Strippers”, a movie that artfully combines two of every man’s favorite things: tits and zombies. Both as dumb as it sounds and infinitely more intelligent than you might expect, Zombie Strippers is exactly the kind of self-referential horror-comedy that pleases hardcore fans and casual enthusiasts of the genre equally.
Robert Englund about to get a lap dance from Marilyn Manson?
If ninjas are the new pirates, what’s the new ninja?
By Ted Hucklebuck
When you spend as much time on “teh internetz” as I do, then you tend to see a lot of the same things after awhile. No matter how hard people try to be “random” (as in “OMG Pirates? How random! lol!”), eventually even the most unusual topics will become commonplace.
Which is what happened to pirates at least 100 years ago. Even so, people that are new to the intertubes persist in making pirate themed references even to this day.
Yeah, and that fat ginger bastard didn’t pay them to be there either, right?
This is why I have decided to create this handy guide to acceptable referencing on the interwebz. As I have previously stated, pirates are out. So what, you may be wondering, is the new pirate? Well obviously ninjas are the new pirates, I would inform you. “But Mr. Huckelbuck, aren’t ninjas kinda played out too?” you might ask. After smiting you with my +15 sword of Grondor for speaking out of turn, I would inform you that you are correct, and in actuality, lolcatz are the new ninjas.
The buck obviously doesn’t stop there though people. Everyone knows that the moment your aunt Debbie in Montana emails you an lolcat, the fad is now officially dead. Thankfully zombies have have risen from their graves stepped (or skulked, or dragged, or loped, or whatever the hell you wanna call it) in to take their place.
Friday Night Midnight Movies is a new irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc.
Unlike the 300 million dollar nuclear turds that you probably enjoy bitching about on Monday mornings to your little friends, these slightly smaller, much less costly turds can actually be a lot of fun.
This week’s feature film is “Attitude For Destruction”, a movie that combines the origin of everybody’s favorite Sunset Strip cock rock band, Guns N’ Roses, with a Satan worshiping blood soaked titty flashing zombie picture and a $40 budget. The film stars the singer of real life Guns N’ Roses cover band (Hollywood Roses) front man, Colby Veil, as a scorned band mate, murdered in cold blood by his band mates over a record deal.
I have this dream, like, every night. Is that weird?
