Mongo Nation

Now you can wear your favorite games on your (virtual) sleeve, for free!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Months ago, Microsoft announced that “Avatar Awards” would be a part of the new user interface for Xbox Live. What this means is that, in addition to achievements, you could also unlock gear for your XBLA Avatar by completing certain objectives in a given title.

Since then, not one game that I am aware of has implemented this. I did read somewhere that “Splosion Man” was actually the first, but I don’t give enough of a shit about Splosion Man to actually look into it. Anway, moving on…

The Avatar Awards drought will end with the release of Left 4 Dead 2, which will feature a handful of unlockable shirts that you can win and then clothe your avatar with, which is a much better alternative to spending actual real money on virtual clothes for them to wear. Finally, you can stop pretending that you own a sweet leather jacket and start dressing your avatar more like yourself in real life: A nerd that wears video game t-shirts in public.

The specific Avatar Awards that have been confirmed thus far are as follows:

• Med Kit: Earned by beating all five campaigns.
• Bull Shifters Shirt: earned by winning 10 games of Versus.
• A Left 4 Dead 2 shirt: Earned by winning 10 games of Scavenge.
• Zombie Hand Shirt: Earned by killing 10,000 Infected.
• Depeche Mode Shirt: Earned by rescuing Gnome Chompski from the Dark Carnival.

It’s a nice gesture, but call me when I can equip my little dude with a bloody clown suit or an AK-47 or something radder than a shirt. Then we’ll really be onto something.

Like “The Road”, but with zombies

By Dave Schilling

I love zombies just as much as the next dork, but there comes a time in which “zombie fatigue” begins to set in. It seems that everyone is trying to get a rotten slice of the zombie pie these days.

We’ve got zombie movies coming out every 3 months, zombie “survival guides” releasing just as frequently,  and zombie video games coming out of our ears. Even Marvel Comics has been getting in on the action with their “Marvel Zombies” graphic novels. So it was with some trepidation that I began flipping through “Zombies: a Record of the Year of Infection”. And, as it usually is with most zombie-related products, I soon found my imagination captivated and I was hooked. Turns out that there is no such thing as “zombie fatigue” after all. That’s science!

Zombies: a serious global pandemic.

“Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” is unlike most books about zombies that you will find in that it is neither a novel nor a survival guide, not a graphic novel, not a book of bad tattoos, not a screenplay, but something different altogether. It’s a journal, handwritten and illustrated, detailing a year in the life of a survivor of them impending zombie apocalypse (that, as we all know, is more or less certain to break out any day know). If you’ve read Cormac McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel, “The Road”, imagine that, but only minus the kid and plus a shitload of zombies. Now you’ve got the basic gist of it.

The presentation of this book is really its strong point. The illustrations are particularly graphic, and the main character is actually pretty likeable. Which is important, because he’s really the only character for at least half the book. He’s like a junior scientist with some artistic training, which gives him some motivation to study and write about zombies instead of just being all “Aahh! Zombies are after me!” all the time with little rudimentary stick figure drawings or whatever. Which is probably what my journal would look like under the same circumstances, if I were to be completely honest with you.

This is about 1/10th as gorey as some of the stuff that comes later, don’t worry.

The only real downside to this book is its brevity: I read the entire thing in a night or two. But then again, it’s good that it doesn’t go overlong or become pointlessly descriptive, because that would sort of break down the illusion that you were reading someone’s private journal. “Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” would make a great coffee table book (if your friends are into that sort of thing. Mine certainly are) or maybe a gift for a friend that’s really into “Left 4 Dead” and George Romero movies.

I award “Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” 8 out of 10 Zombie Strippers

+1 if you’re a super huge fan of anything zombie related
-2 if you’d rather eat your own face than look at another goddamn zombie anything.

Take this handy quiz and find out!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Zombie movies are pretty much beloved by everyone, but foreign films can be somewhat of an acquired taste. Take Dead Snow for instance, a Norwegian zombie film about undead Nazis terrorizing med students in a lonely cabin atop a snowy mountain. How does one review such a thing for the average moviegoer?

Instead of presuming to know what you will or will not find interesting or important about such a film, I have instead opted to develop a quiz that will help you determine whether or not Dead Snow is for you!

1.    Do you watch pretty much any zombie movie, regardless of how implausible the premise? Y/N
2.    Do you find the idea of Nazi zombies compelling in some strange way? Y/N
3.    I’m pretty sure there are no titties in this movie. Still interested? Y/N
4.    Do you speak Norwegian, or at the very least, enjoy looking at Norwegians? Y/N
5.    Did you like Cabin Fever and/or Evil Dead? Y/N
6.    Do you prefer horror movies that startle you over those that merely create suspense? Y/N
7.    There’s no such thing as too much blood, amirite? Y/N
8.    A good horror/comedy/horror-comedy film should run no longer than 90 minutes, no matter what. Agree or disagree? Y/N
9.    You can read right? Because there are subtitles in this movie. Y/N
10.  You often think that there aren’t enough horror films that take place in snowy environments. The blood looks so much more graphic splashed all over that perfect white snow! Agree or disagree? Y/N

For every question that you answered “Yes” (“Y”, for those of you that are retarded), award Dead Snow one point. Did your total add up to a 7 or higher? If so, you’ll probably enjoy Dead Snow and should go see it right away. If not, maybe there’s probably a new Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy out this weekend or something.

New RE5 enemy pics, too!

The last new trailer and pics from Resident Evil 5 before the big launch day are in! RE4 was one of the greatest games ever made, and the sequel is looking to not only equal but to smash expectations. Both Wesker fans and gamers who enjoy “jiggle technology” will be pleasantly surprised by the following trailer, which reveals new plot elements and characters:

We also have some new enemy pics from the game… They didn’t come with backgrounds though, so we slapped some together real quick to give you a sense of where some of them might pop up in the game:

The return of Street Fighter and The Sims!

February is going to be yet another serious drain on your personal time when SFIV releases alongside The Sims 3, Killzone 2, F.E.A.R. 2 and quite a few other suitably bitchen’ titles. Even the Wii is getting some love, with no less than 3 hardcore titles, all of which are about killing zombies, strangely enough. Here are a few of out favorites:

Street Fighter IV

System: Multi-Platform
Release Date: 2/17/2009

Fighting games haven’t exactly been the force that they once were in gaming these days, but Street Fighter IV might just be the game to change that. The first numbered Street Fighter sequel in 10 years, SFIV combines modern technology with the beloved characters and gameplay from the arcade original that started the whole fad in the first place. Anyone with any interest in fighting games should pick this up without question, as it promises to be the most visually appealing and well-balanced fighter ever produced. Even those that are new to the genre will probably find the online competition more than sufficient to warrant a purchase. It’s just too bad that EGM folded a mere month before their famous April Fool’s joke, Sheng Long, came to consoles in the (digital) flesh.

Tenchu: Shadow Assassins

System: Nintendo Wii
Release Date: 2/3/2009

The last couple of Tenchu games, admittedly, haven’t been that great. That’s why the original developer behind the first couple of excellent titles, Acquire, was brought back for this Wii-exclusive sequel. Going back to the roots of the series, you will have greater freedom as to how you accomplish missions, and the tone will be more classically Japanese. The Wii controls look to be well implemented on unobtrusive, and it’s been awhile since we’ve had a really good ninja game that wasn’t a controller snapper like Ninja Gaiden, amirite? Here’s hoping for a return of the irresistible, poisoned rice ball!

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