Mongo Nation

Next month, Jay Bienstock (Survivor, The Apprentice), Sam Raimi (Spider-Man, Evil Dead) & Robert Tapert (Evil Dead, The Grudge) are teaming up to produce a new reality game show, “13: Fear is Real”, in which 13 contestants face their deepest physical and psychological fears. Rather than having them perform limp and played out challenges like “eat a beetle” or something along those lines, the competitors will face situations inspired by some of the scariest films in cinema history. In anticipation for this, we’ve compiled a list of 13 of our favorite scary movies that we wouldn’t mind seeing reflected in challenges on the show:

Rosemary’s Baby “The Exorcist” hasn’t got anything on Roman Polanski’s 1968 horror classic, “Rosemary’s Baby”. Demonic possession is one thing, but imagine being a woman and gestating the spawn of Satan inside your very own body. “Rosemary’s Baby” proved that monsters and ghosts aren’t half as scary as the unknown, unseen forces of darkness at work behind the curtain. This is one of those rare horror films that transcend the usual bonds of the genre, crossing over party lines into what would generally be considered an “art film”.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Before Tobe Hooper’s “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, audiences had never seen man’s inhumanity toward man so vividly depicted on film before. “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” made audiences question whether or not good really prevailed over evil in our world, especially considering that it was inspired by a true story. Not only that, but it paved the way for independent horror productions that continue to flourish to this very day. “Texas Chainsaw” also bears the distinction of being one of the goriest movies ever made that doesn’t really even show any of the actual violence. Sometimes it’s what you don’t see that frightens you the most.

Jaws Some people think back on “Jaws” today as just another average, everyday blockbuster movie. What they fail to remember is that after this movie came out, people all around the world were terrified of the water for years, even decades to come. A giant great white shark is a terrifying movie monster because of the fact that it actually exists. And if Quint’s story about being shipwrecked for a week in the Pacific amidst a pack of man-eating sharks doesn’t give you nightmares, I don’t know what will.

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1. An unidentified monster approaches! Do you:

A. Try to run away, but trip and fall at least a half-dozen times?

B. Aim for the head?

C. Break out the holy water and or/call an exorcist?

D. Slip and fall into a trap door, which leads to a small chamber filled with buzz saws and electric drills that are slowly closing in on you.

2. You come from work one day to find blood dripping down the walls of your house. The source of this phenomenon appears to be:

A. A decapitated babysitter.

B. A half eaten corpse.

C. The house itself!

D. The victim of a rusty, man-sized mousetrap made of razor blades and barbed wire.

3. While making out with your fellow camp counselor, you are startled by a strange noise from outside your cabin… You cautiously peek around the corner to investigate and are greeted with:

A. An axe in your face.

B. An infectious bite to the neck.

C. A g-g-g-g-ghost!

D. A detonator to the bomb that was secretly implanted in your girlfriend’s heart. If you don’t activate it within 60 seconds, your own heart will explode instead.

4. Your are unable to start your car! How come?

A. Duh, because there’s a robed hitchhiker clawing at your window, so of course you dropped your keys on the floor.

B. Duh, because there are so goddamn many of those things clawing at you through the windows that you can’t get the key into the ignition.

C. Duh, because your steering wheel just magically turned into a poisonous snake.

D. Duh, because it’s underwater, and you have two minutes to solve a riddle before you drown in it.

5. You are home alone late at night when your phone rings. Who is on the other line?

A. Not sure, but the call appears to be coming from inside your own home!

B. Not sure, but they keep groaning and talking about brains or something…

C. Your dead father, and he sounds good and pissed.

D. An unidentified voice that informs you that if you don’t eat your own face, you’re going to be torn apart by thousands of rabid bobcats.

QUIZ RESULTS AFTER THE JUMP! Read the rest of this entry →

Live at the “Grave to the Golden Gate” Olympic Zombie Marathon

By Jeremy Azevedo

Every 100 years, on the eve of the Dark Solstice… when the moon is aligned with the Ancient Pyramid of Soth-Toggoth the Messenger and the sun is blotted out from the sky by his hoary Master from the Forgotten Dimension Beyond Time’s evil influence…

…The dead shall rise from their grave and participate in a marathon in sunny San Francisco, known as the “Grave to the Golden Gate” Zombie Marathon! KTIT News Channel 5 is on the scene to document the occasion.

Night of the Chicken Dead!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

To simply describe “Poultrygeist” as “just another zombie chicken picture” doesn’t really do it proper justice. The latest in a long line of bat-shit crazy Troma pictures by the ubiquitous B-movie pioneer, Lloyd Kaufman, Poultrygeist is like the “Citizen Kane” of undead fast food revenge comedy scat porn musical horror movies. If there was ever a doubt in your mind that Kaufman had another film in him that could stand next to such classics as “The Toxic Avenger”, “Class of Nuke ‘Em High” or “Sgt. Kabukiman: NYPD”, then you would be very wrong, sir.

Poultrygeist tells the story of a lovelorn young man, Arbie, that gets caught up in the conflict between a fast food restaurant, the spirits that inhabit the Tromahawk Indian burial ground upon which it’s built, and the protest group known as the Collegiate Lesbians Against Mega-conglomerates, or C.L.A.M. for short. After being spurned by his one-time lover, Wendy (who has become a lesbian hippy after only one semester in college), Arbie retaliates by getting a job at American Chicken Bunker, the restaurant that Wendy and her butch new girlfriend are so vehemently protesting.

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