Mongo Nation

I judge a CD by its cover

So I got this unsolicited CD in the mail the other day, and it has pretty much the single most bitchen’ cover I’ve seen in over 9,000 days… It looks kind of like the 1984 “Dune” movie poster, only from an alternate universe in which the film starred Siegfried and Roy instead of Kyle MacLachlan and Sting.

The band is called “Empire of the Sun”, and they are apparently enjoyed by Australians and by people that discover bands by watching iPod commercials. Which may or may not even be the same thing, I don’t know. I’m not a statistician. But what I do know is that every time I attempt to listen to this album, I immediately began to lose focus, drift off and stare into space. Which is dangerous because I’m usually listening in my car. But I’d hate to see this album got to waste just because the music is boring, hipster-douchebag, electronic vaginal discharge, on account of the fact that the full color booklet that comes with it is really quite enjoyable!

So, instead of reviewing this as an album with attractive packaging that I didn’t look at, I’ll instead review it as attractive packaging that happened to come with a CD that I didn’t listen to. Additionally, I will refer to the colorful scans that I have made from the CD booklet as “tracks” so as not to deviate too far from the established formula. Enjoy!

Track 1: Standing on the Shore/Walking on a Dream

This track, while a little on the purple side, does a great job of conveying the simple fact that space fish are like the total opposite of regular fish. They swim in the sky! To the right, there appears to be some sort of anime version of a Native American or a tree person coming out of a sun or an egg (maybe both?) This Native Tree person is making direct eye contact with the viewer as if to say, “Hi there. Do you like tacos? Where I’m from, tacos grow on treeeeeeeeeeeeeees!” (It’s up to you to decide whether you actually belive that or not. It would be pretty awesome though, amirite?)

Track 2: Half Mast/We Are the People

Next we have a track that is obviously about the Great Bird Deity, the honorable and terrible Lord Kromdor. Once a year, Lord Kromdor demands sacrifices of those delicious pretzels that have peanut butter on the inside of them, delivered by three sacred maidens wearing the sleep masks that have eyes drawn on the outside of them (for they may not gaze directly at his beaky visage). In exchange for this tasty treat, Lord Kromdor grants peace and prosperity to his subjects. Should they ever forget or just choose to keep all the pretzels to themselves, Lord Kromdor will visit his wrath upon them with a mighty pecking that will shake their crappy ass city to it’s foundation. Lord Kromdor doesn’t mess around, man. Believe that.

Track 3: Delta Bay/Country

Here’s an interesting track about the 1st ever, 7th annual “Leonardo Da Vinci Kite Flying and Human Botany Sex Crime Competition and Exhibition”. Participants are invited to compete in kite races, genetic ethics debates and hot dog eating contests. The winners each receive an all-expense paid trip to Euro Disneyland, even though I’m pretty sure it’s gotta be closed by now. The winners will also receive flashlights, wire cutters and a grapping hook just in case that turns out to be true.
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