Each week, we select the top five absolute weirdest videos any of us have ever seen, and post them here for your viewing pleasure. But this week, we’ll be doing something a bit different!
2009 has been a banner year for funny videos from 1987, which have been dubbed (poorly) from VHS, uploaded to YouTube, and then raped and pillaged by sites like yours truly! Today, we’ll be taking a look at some of our favorites, those select few videos that made us laugh out loud in real life (LOL IRL). Try not to shit your pants laughing, you goons!
Dinosaurs say “Hey”
Jurassic Park: Secretly a comedy?
Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video
If this doesn’t make you want to (not) visit, nothing will.
Snakes on a Plane Hilariously Bad TV Overdub
Is the TV edit actually better than the original?
Gimme Dat Christian Side Hug
Words cannot describe the unintentional hilarity contained within this video.
We have photos of the stars of the new film, Bitch Slap.
Bitch Slap is one of the best cult movies I’ve seen this year, for six very good reasons. Can you spot them in the photo below?
“Bitch Slap” is the story of 3 hot babes that stole some diamonds or something, not that it matters. There is a story here with secret agents, gangsters, double-crossing and a “Memento”-style plot rewind, but the crux of the film is watching these broads beat the shit out of each other, then make out, than beat the shit out of each other again (in slow motion). As an appetizer to the film, which will be in theaters January 8th, we’ve got some pics of the film’s three sexy stars for your one-handed viewing enjoyment.
Once again, Capcom targets our nostalgia with another pitch-perfect NES throwback.
In anticipation for Dark Void, the jetpack flying, zero gravity action adventure title that we’ve been waiting so long for, Capcom has unveiled a supplemental title exclusively for the Nintendo DSi. Dark Void Zero is a vintage throwback title in the vein of Mega Man 9, and looks to capture the spirit of the early days of gaming beautifully. Of course, Capcom is playing this off as if the game had existed all along, sort of a “lost” game from the Capcom vault of history.
Official press release:
“As the ‘80s were drawing to a close, the developers at Capcom began work on a top secret project that aimed to set new standards for the platformer genre. That game was called “Dark Rift”, and it blended the intense shooting action of Section Z™ with the latest innovations in platform jumping from Mega Man. In order to properly fulfill the producer’s vision for Dark Rift (later renamed Dark Void), the hardware engineering team at Capcom was enlisted to design and produce an all-new chipset that would be included in every cartridge, enabling huge numbers of sprites and never-before-seen special effects to be displayed on the aging NES® platform and the PlayChoice-10 NES arcade cabinet.
Alas, time waits for no man and game developers are no exception. The dawn of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System® made the additional hardware requirements for Dark Void redundant. Capcom suspended development on Dark Void as it began to evaluate the SNES. Before long, the game was shelved and drifted into the annals of gaming history. Even the internal tape-based archives were lost due to an unfortunate magnet incident which even today is best left un-discussed. Dark Void became a legendary “lost project” at Capcom…until now.
Nearly twenty years later the next gen version of the game, Dark Void, is back on the Xbox 360, PS3, and PC! But to commemorate the game’s humble origins, Capcom has commissioned this recreation of the original 8-bit classic, now re-titled “Dark Void Zero,” on the DSi platform. You play Rusty, the first human born in the Void, who must take on the Watchers in a quest to stop their domination of Earth. With the aid of Nikola Tesla, and his state-of-the-art rocket pack, Rusty must take down the Watchers and their minions across three intense levels of action and intrigue.”
We track down our favorite cartoon characters and publicly humiliate them!
By Ted Hucklebuck
Most everybody (of a certain age) has fond memories of their favorite cartoon stars from childhood. Ninja Turtles, Voltron, Thundercats; There was never any shortage of great, animated series on the tube every Saturday morning, trying to sell you action figures or breakfast cereal or whatever.
Sadly, there aren’t really any cartoons that aren’t about collectible card games or that are specifically for adults anymore. But for generations raised in the 80s and 90s, cartoons were big business. So what do you suppose happens to all those cartoon stars that don’t get resurrected in big budget Hollywood movies, like G.I. Joe and the Transformers? Do they retire, change professions, or simply cease to exist? We looked up a few of our own favorite cartoon stars from the 80s and 90s and were (somewhat) surprised by the answers we found…
He-Man
Much to everyone’s no one’s surprise, He-Man is still a buff prick that goes around wrestling other buff pricks and “punishing” them for their misbehavior. But at least now he’s abandoned his sissy “Prince Adam” persona and is all He-Man, all the time. Clad from head to toe in metal and leather, He-Man manages a totally straight bar called “Men-At-Arms” in the seedy “Toolbox District” of Eternia. Most nights you can find He-Man riding the mechanical bar with his platonic male partners, Ram-Man and Fisto, arm wrestling patrons for drinks, or simply playing a relaxing game of strip poker in the men’s room of the nearby highway rest stop.
Beavis and Butthead
Beavis and Butthead, once the most famous duo in America since Cheech and Chong, met a tragic end in 1995 the day that MTV officially cancelled “The Headbangers Ball”. The two were found hanging from nooses in a seedy motel room a week later in Highland, Texas. Witnesses described the smell in the room as a combination of Cheetos, Mountain Dew and shit.
Because they already had a movie in development and two more seasons contracted to MTV at this point, their deaths were covered up and their parts in the movie were finished by a combination of look-a-likes and CG. The end product was a disjointed mess, and was not particularly successful. The TV show fared a little better, since Beavis and Butthead had a near Tupac-like propensity to over-record content. But one has to wonder if we didn’t lose an important part of our American pop culture when MTV stopped showing music videos, and effectively pulled the pin on the human grenade of hilariously dumb video commentary that was “Beavis and Butthead”.
Serpentor
Despite the fact that he was both more capable and more terrifying of a terrorist leader, few people have the same warm feelings for Serpentor that they have for his subordinate, Cobra Commander. (I don’t think Serpentor was mentioned in the movie even once.) Maybe Serpentor was just too much of an overachiever… Or maybe he just lacked an endearing sense of humor. But for whatever reason, he’s always been looked back upon as the Andrew Ridgeley to Cobra Commander’s George Michael. Luckily for Serpentor, he has since found himself a proper niche in the world of Republican Far Right media.
Currently the star of a radio show turned TV talk show, aptly titled “Don’t Tread on Me! (Or I’ll Laser Your Face)”, Serpentor continues to have a platform to espouse his political views. Topics range from “Worldwide Genocide: Is it really such a bad thing?” to “Ultimate Weather Dominators: The solution to this global warming thing that all these hippies are always crying about?”. Serpentor is behind only Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly in terms of popularity, though most fans would agree that Serpentor’s temper tantrum flip-outs are significantly more awesome and that he’s about one more embarrassing Youtube clip away from the top. Read the rest of this entry →
The bastard child of Punch-Out! is dragged kicking and screaming from the void…
I had to do a bit of research to find out if this was even real or not, but so far as I can tell, it is. A long-lost sequel to “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!” Called “Mike Tyson’s Intergalactic Power Punch” has been unearthed, after being released 17 years ago as “Power Punch 2” and forgotten by time.
In this awesomely bad sequel to the beloved NES title, you play as Mike Tyson in a series of fights against the galaxy’s greatest boxers, many of whom appear to be cyborgs or werewolves or something (which seems kind of unfair, since most of them don’t even have ears to bite). Developed by Beam Software, the game became a buggy mess that was not helped by Mike Tyson’s rape conviction right around the time the game was expected to release. Subsequently, all references to Tyson, Don King and Tyson’s then-wife Robin Givens were removed and the game was shoveled under the rug with barely a notice.
Today, the original version has been restored and made available for download in all its shameful glory by a well-known collector of rare video games, Jason “DreamTR” Wilson. Download a free copy HERE but be advised that you will need an NES emulator in order to play it. Or better yet, you can go HERE to buy an actual NES cartridge copy of the game, provided by the classic video game archivists at Retro Zone.
