Top 5 Dumbest Wrestling Gimmicks 0
…That Ended Up Being Surprisingly Awesome
By Jeremy Azevedo
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The WWF (I just can’t bring myself to call it the WWE, I don’t care how the panda bears feel about it) has never been afraid to try out gimmicks that most people wouldn’t even consider putting on National Television. |
We’ve seen clowns, Man-Taurs, dentists, doctors, barbarians, aliens and all manner of freaks strip down to their tights and throw a cross-body chop or two. But the real genius behind professional wrestling is that despite all odds, every once in awhile one of these batshit crazy gimmicks will catch on. CraveOnline has selected five of our favorites that sounded like a bad idea at first, but turned out to vbe totally awesome:
Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase
Why the Gimmick Was Retarded:
If you were a millionaire, possibly even a trillionaire, why in the goddamn hell would you want to mince about in tights, wrestling dudes on television and getting in fights all the time? Wouldn’t you be busy, like, making more money or going on vacation with supermodels or something?
Why the Gimmick Was Awesome Anyway:
Ted DiBiase was like the blueprint for gangster rap. I know that this sounds crazy, but look at it like this: He had an entourage with him at all times. He had a servant that would carry his shit around and take beatings for him without complaint. He wore excessive amounts of jewelry, not the least of which was his “Million Dollar Belt”, which was covered in real gold and diamonds. DiBiase would throw money in people’s faces, stuff it in their mouths, buy people off, make it rain, and generally act like a cocky asshole. And if anybody had a problem with it, he’d bitch slap them and kill that motherfucker. Meanwhile, N.W.A.’s “Straight Outta Compton” wouldn’t be released until at least a year after his WWF debut, and Master P was still working in a lousy record store at the time. Ted DiBiase, Million Dollar Man, OG Gangster baby!
The Undertaker
Why the Gimmick Was Retarded:
The Undertaker debuted as some sort of undead zombie wild-west mortician, who derived his power from an urn containing mystical powers or some such horseshit. Early on, it was hinted that he was in some way controlled by this urn and its handler, Paul Bearer, who looked like some kind of Addams Family reject. Pretty much everything about this sounds pretty retarded when you consider that the end result always comes down to two dudes body slamming each other on television.
Why the Gimmick Was Awesome Anyway:
Somehow, the whole “undead” gimmick just seems to work on a wholly entertaining level. The way the Undertaker zombie-marches to the ring in a veil of smoke, no-sells his opponents attacks, and rolls his eyes back in his head is just plain fun to watch, no matter how stupid it is. And the fact remains that his actual wrestling abilities honestly appear to be somewhat supernatural. The dude is almost 7 feet tall, but he can walk across the ropes like an acrobat. He can pick up just about anyone like it’s nothing. He’s been wrestling non-stop for decades, and he barely seems to age in the slightest. If you can try and forget the few months that he pretended to be a biker, riding to the stage on a Harley to Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin” (because that’s what bikers listen to, right?) he remains one of the greatest characters in WWF history.
Brutus the Barber Beefcake
Why the Gimmick Was Retarded:
Normally, when you see a guy dressed in tight pink spandex with yellow tassels and feather boas and shit, and he’s from San Francisco, and he’s a hairdresser, what’s your initial impression of him? I’m willing to bet that the first thing to come to mind isn’t “badass professional wrestler”…
Why the Gimmick Was Awesome Anyway:
What must have started out as a practical joke being played on Mr. Beefcake by WWF chairman Vince McMahon quickly evolved into one of the most exciting characters ever to set foot in the squared circle. This is because, in the 1980s, what you did to your opponent after you kicked their ass was almost as important as how you kicked their ass in the first place. Brutus the Barber Beefcake was second only to Jake the Snake Roberts and his giant Burmese Python when it came to this. Beefcake was always in possession of a big-ass pair of gardening shears, which not only made a great weapon when the referee wasn’t looking, but also gave his opponents something to remember him by after the match. Back then, just about every wrestler had long, luxurious, permed locks of hair, and it was painful to watch Beefcake clip the shit out of them. He really wasn’t much a barber, after all, but he was a pretty great wrestler for a gay dude. Read the rest of this entry →
