Mongo Nation

Oh, I Saw what you did there…

By Jeremy Azevedo

Saw: The Video Game has been out for a couple of weeks now… But we figured that you’ve probably seen “Saw VI” or at least considered seeing it by now.  Or maybe you told someone a longwinded boring story about why you’re not going to see it?

Either way, the fact remains that you’ve probably at least thought about it in some capacity. So perhaps you’ve also thought about playing the new Saw video game as well. And you’re probably also wondering if it’s any good or not. Well, we’ve played it, so hopefully our experience can help you make an informed decision. I promise it won’t be like that one time when we told you wouldn’t get sick from drinking your own pee. We just wanted to see if you would do it. But it won’t happen again. Real talk.

Sucks to be you.

So yeah, Saw: The Video Game. It’s about 100 times better than most movie spin-offs I’ve played, not that this is saying much. Movie spin-off games are notoriously bad. But the dudes that make the movies made a smart decision by contracting Konami to do the game, thanks to their experience with the Silent Hill series. Saw looks and plays a lot like those Silent Hill titles, which is both good and bad. Everything is pretty dark, but you always have a light source to see your way around. The controls are a little tankish, like old-school Resident Evil and the combat is a little stiff. But if you’ve played survival horror games that came prior to Resident Evil 4, it’ll all seem pretty familiar.

The darkness in Saw actually creates a lot of tension. Playing the game at night is a likely to cause you to experience a bit of anxiety.  And if that doesn’t do it, the combat will. See, Jigsaw sewed a key into your body and told everyone else in the joint that they have to tear it out of you in order to escape. So you’ve got that going for you. The combat takes very specific timing, but is actually pretty fun once you get it down. Especially when you start using traps! But it’s kind of f**ked when you walk into someone else’s trap like an idiot, and getting your head liquefied in the process. The save points are sort of far apart at times, and there were a couple of instances in which I had to repeat puzzles or encounters unnecessarily because I wasn’t walking around looking at my feet.

Aw hell naw!

Speaking of feet! Your character isn’t wearing shoes throughout the game, which sucks because there’s broken glass all over the goddamn place. You’d think that maybe there would be a “put on some shoes so you can stop walking around on hypodermic needles and various other crap like a f**king idiot” power-up, but sadly, this is not the case. There’s lots of stuff to clobber people with though, from baseball bats and lampshades to table legs and mannequin arms. So you’ve got that going for you at least. Read the rest of this entry →

Like “The Road”, but with zombies

By Dave Schilling

I love zombies just as much as the next dork, but there comes a time in which “zombie fatigue” begins to set in. It seems that everyone is trying to get a rotten slice of the zombie pie these days.

We’ve got zombie movies coming out every 3 months, zombie “survival guides” releasing just as frequently,  and zombie video games coming out of our ears. Even Marvel Comics has been getting in on the action with their “Marvel Zombies” graphic novels. So it was with some trepidation that I began flipping through “Zombies: a Record of the Year of Infection”. And, as it usually is with most zombie-related products, I soon found my imagination captivated and I was hooked. Turns out that there is no such thing as “zombie fatigue” after all. That’s science!

Zombies: a serious global pandemic.

“Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” is unlike most books about zombies that you will find in that it is neither a novel nor a survival guide, not a graphic novel, not a book of bad tattoos, not a screenplay, but something different altogether. It’s a journal, handwritten and illustrated, detailing a year in the life of a survivor of them impending zombie apocalypse (that, as we all know, is more or less certain to break out any day know). If you’ve read Cormac McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel, “The Road”, imagine that, but only minus the kid and plus a shitload of zombies. Now you’ve got the basic gist of it.

The presentation of this book is really its strong point. The illustrations are particularly graphic, and the main character is actually pretty likeable. Which is important, because he’s really the only character for at least half the book. He’s like a junior scientist with some artistic training, which gives him some motivation to study and write about zombies instead of just being all “Aahh! Zombies are after me!” all the time with little rudimentary stick figure drawings or whatever. Which is probably what my journal would look like under the same circumstances, if I were to be completely honest with you.

This is about 1/10th as gorey as some of the stuff that comes later, don’t worry.

The only real downside to this book is its brevity: I read the entire thing in a night or two. But then again, it’s good that it doesn’t go overlong or become pointlessly descriptive, because that would sort of break down the illusion that you were reading someone’s private journal. “Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” would make a great coffee table book (if your friends are into that sort of thing. Mine certainly are) or maybe a gift for a friend that’s really into “Left 4 Dead” and George Romero movies.

I award “Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection” 8 out of 10 Zombie Strippers

+1 if you’re a super huge fan of anything zombie related
-2 if you’d rather eat your own face than look at another goddamn zombie anything.

Worth saving?

By Jeremy Azevedo

Most of the complaints that I hear to do with Konami’s “Lost in Blue” series in general have to do with the amount of maintenance that goes into just keeping your characters alive, and how it puts a damper on exploration. These are perhaps people that don’t know how to get out of action game-mode and relax a little.

Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked does have it’s share of faults. The graphics are a little underwhelming. As with most games on the Wii, I’d really rather see 2-D or cel-shaded graphics, as 3-D models just tend to look a little janky on the system regardless of what game it is. And it’s a little weird how the characters inexplicably belt out one in ten lines of dialogue. What’s the point? I don’t understand why all of the dialogue isn’t spoken at this point. And of course, the most glaring problem is the fact that, right from the outset, your characters are constantly starving to death. Which does, indeed, inhibit exploration. Seriously, you have to eat like fifty coconuts a day just to stay alive. It’s retarded.

They look skinny, but apparently host stomach parasites with the appetite of ten fat guys.

Here’s the thing, though: Lost in Blue is not meant to be rushed through. That you characters require constant maintenance should tell you that the way to get ahead is not to rush blindly into action with empty pockets, but to take your time and prepare. If you imagine what it would be like to be stranded on a desert island, it probably wouldn’t be all about fighting wild boars with your bare hands and swinging from vines like Tarzan, but rather, taking the time to build up your supplies and ensure your continuing survival. Cute as it seems, Lost in Blue is almost sim-like in the way it embraces this idea.

The proper way to enjoy Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked is at a leisurely pace. Before going out to explore the island, you really have to take a day to gather supplies, pack a few lunches, make sure your tools are in order and that you have a back up supply of water. It’s not exactly an action packed experience, but it is relaxing and most of the mini-games are actually pretty fun and make good (but not obtrusive) use of the wiimote. You’d be surprised how much further you get with a little pre-prep, even while dragging your dead-weight partner around with you. Really, that broad isn’t good for anything more than an extra inventory bag.

The rare and mysterious singing/clapping jungle pandas.

Protip: Early in the game, you will have a strong urge to punch this game in the face. This is because you need like 100 vines in order to progress and there don’t appear to be any around. This will feel very much like bullcrap to you, but I will save you an aneurysm and tell you what to do. After you fight the boar, you will be able to push a rock. You have to have Lucy with you (but then you sorta always have to bring her with so that almost goes without saying). A little further ahead, you will find a cooking utensil. It’s in a craggy area near where you find some crystals, and you can even make a shortcut back to basecamp near here. On the way back, you will be attacked by an ox, which triggers a minigame. After completing this, you will be able to access a forest with all the vines you need! As long as you always keep a stock of ready made lunches and firewood on hand, the game is a lot easier from this point on.

Rating: 7 out of 10
+1 if your favorite TV show is Lost
-2 if the you loved Devil May Cry but hated The Sims

Chris and Sheva mow down an entire village, meet Baghead!

By Jeremy Azevedo

If you are reading this, you probably already know that Resident Evil 5 is looking like it’s going to be one of the best games of the year, or ever. Having played the game myself, I can tell you that these images are no joke, the game really looks like this in action.

In fact, RE5 almost looks better in action than it does in the cut scenes, which is a weird reversal of roles if ever there was one. Check out these new screens from the playable demo at E3 to see for yourself…

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