Mongo Nation

Scenes from the goriest game ever to come to Wii!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Madworld by Sega is so violent, It’s already reportedly been banned from being released in Australia. Australia! A country that was once settled by British prisoners too gnarly to be kept on their own continent!

Well you probably won’t be purchasing this game here at notoriously bible-humping US chains like Walmart either, by the looks of it. Hopefully everywhere else will carry the title though, because not only does it look like a goddamn Frank Miller graphic novel in motion, but the Wii is desperately in need of a mature title like this to counterbalance the hundreds of shovelware kiddie titles threatening to tip Nintendo into the abyss of fanboy backlash. Whatever happens, We’ve got new pics and trailers from MadWorld right here:

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Sega and Capcom face off for best of show

By Jeremy Azevedo

If Sega was still in the console game today, I’d consider it safe to say that they would rule 2009 on the strength of their upcoming game catalogue alone. They had no fewer than 8 games on the floor (and behind closed doors) that are sure to be monster hits, some of which were even totally brand new IPs!

We’ll start with Bayonetta, an action game with a sense of theatrics so extreme that it makes Devil May Cry look like Connect Four. You play as a witch in 7-inch stilettos (that also double as machine pistols) with magic hair that can conjure up torture devices to destroy invading angels. Sounds crazy, is crazy, and looks all the more rad for it. Next up was Mad World, a black and white (and red) action game that looks kind of like Sin City but plays out more like “The Running Man”, only with 100 times more violence than any anything, ever. Surprisingly, Mad World is a Wii exclusive, much like the similarly violent but totally unrelated No More Heroes that quenched Wii gamers bloodlust this year.

Also showing at Sega was Sonic Unleashed, which features both a night and day play environment, one that has you running around as Sonic at speeds that made me want to take Dramamine, and one that has you playing more of a combat/exploration type game as “Sonic the Were-Hog”. Stormrise brings large scale tactical RTS combat to consoles, and Alpha Protocol looks like the spy version of Mass Effect. This last one in particular was one of the best of the whole show, a cool idea executed very nicely. James Bond can suck it!

Lastly we had Samba De Amigo for the Wii, Valkyria Chronlcles, a tactical RPG with a very unique looking cel-shaded graphical style, and Golden Axe: Beast Riders. I had heard that Golden Axe was cancelled a couple of months back so I was surprised to see it here in playable form, but it was a fun action title nevertheless, despite having nothing on Bayonetta. In total, an awesome showing from a veteran company in their finest form.

Square Enix was showing a new RPG called Infinite Indiscovery that looks to be the next big thing for the company (if it doesn’t fall too deep into the shadow of Final Fantasy XII), but it’s Nintendo DS gamers who are in for a real treat this fall season. In addition to the soon to be released Final Fantasy IV remake, there’s also Dragon Quest IV and the ever so long awaited Chrono Trigger port on the way as well.
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Revisit the controller-snappers of your youth!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Everybody remembers the final bosses of all the classic NES game: Bowser, Red Falcon, Gannon, Mother Brain, Dr. Wiley. But what about the lesser bosses… the assistant managers of evil in the department store of adventure? What about them, huh?

In honor of the middle management monsters of gaming’s past, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most compelling minibosses of the NES era.

Former baddies at the law offices of Hippo, Birdo, Woodman and Sachs.

Birdo (Super Mario Bros. 2)

Quite possibly the most disturbing example of cosplay ever conceived.

Just what the hell is a “Birdo” anyway? A transgender reptile/bird/mammal thing that spits eggs out of it’s gaping snout as an act of aggression? Eggs that never hatch? What sort of creature would do something like that? How do they reproduce, by getting mustached plumbers to re-fertilize them by chucking the eggs back at them or something?

Whatever the hell it is, Birdo shares the important distinctions of being both the first openly bi-curious video game character and the first miniboss to ever have a “nerdcore” metal song written about it:

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Trippy sequel to beloved Saturn game 10 years in the making!

By Dustin Pena

The original NiGHTS on the Sega Saturn is a timeless classic, at least that’s what EVERY review has been saying. I don’t remember it that way, in fact I don’t remember it. I know I played it but it must have been forgettable because you would tend to remember a game about flying child molesters if it was indeed a classic but I digress.

Regardless and of how you choose to remember your first NiGHTS experience somebody better call Chris Hanson because NiGHTS is back in NiGHTS Journey of Dreams for the Nintendo Wii.

You start the game off as a young boy named Will whose father decides to abandon him at a soccer game, presumably to speed off to Vegas for a weekend of debauchery and buffets. Now that daddy’s gone NiGHTS is safe for a good old fashioned child abduction and Will is magically transported to the world of Nightopia via scary portal. I guess the trunk of NiGHTS’ car was full. Upon his arrival, Will is met by a fat headed talking Owl cleverly named Owl. Owl is a child pimp who proceeds to tell Will that Will has the ability to fly but first he must “touch NiGHTS”…Eww. When NiGHTS began to speak to Will the foundations of my gaming world were rocked. Apparently NiGHTS is a girl! Now I don’t feel so bad cause every young boy wants a shot at an older chick. You go Will. Once you man up and “touch” this bizarre lady of the evening you’re ready to join the mile high club and the game begins.

A scene from the NiGHTS bonus underwater mescaline-trip level.

The first thing you’ll notice about NiGHTS is the mesmerizing music. Actually, you’ll be noticing the music a lot because for some reason the developers thought that the best way to enjoy the music is by blasting it over the in game dialogue. Lazy sound design really pisses me off. Nevertheless, this game is about the magic of flight and this is where NiGHTS soars…into invisible walls. This is not a free roaming aerial opera but rather an on-rails adventure where you must steer NiGHTS through a series of midair gold rings and blue orbs while paralooping wandering Nightmares, avoiding obstacles, and chasing after sky worthy Octopi! To say this game is a visual trip is to say water is wet. As NiGHTS you’ll progress through Nightopia by accomplishing various missions that mostly rely on speed or the accuracy of your steering ability. Fly through a set number of scattered rings without missing one, race this asshole to steal a key, save these dipshits before time runs out, etc. It’s not rocket science but it is fun, especially when you encounter a gigantic boss and you’re finally given the freedom to roam and soak in the Burtonesque atmosphere and the incredibly eerie music. These encounters are where the game really shines.

The controls are fairly simple and your given the option of several different control methods. You can use the Wii remote, classic controller, gamecube controller, or the ever popular remote/nunchuck combo. I prefer the latter. Flying with NiGHTS is much as you might imagine up, down, left, right, or twirl the control stick to perform loops. You can also twist the remote to barrel roll and perform other aerial acrobatics but this is mostly pointless unless you really love those combos. To sum it up this game is fairly relaxing and and somewhat addictive. Much like Zack and Wiki I get my jollies by playing it in short bursts and it’s certainly the type of game that lends itself to shortened sessions. The dialogue audio and frame rate animation during the cut scenes are crap but it doesn’t really ruin the experience. There are some Wi-Fi additions like two player races that are worth a look over, however the My Dream option which allows you to enter other players’ “dreams” ,where you do little more than wander around a field and see the monsters they’ve captured, is pointless and boring and stupid and lame. Add in a second character, a young lass named Helen, for some hot girl on girl action and you have an enjoyable game that should run you under seven hours of life wasted. There’s certainly nothing like NiGHTS out now so I can safley reccomend it for anyone looking for something new but with the previous release of Super Mario Galaxy fresh on the minds of hungry gamers we won’t soon be saying pedophiles are the new plumbers. For those of you who like numbers a 7/10. Good NiGHT

A first look st the new game based on the upcoming film.

Top 10 Most Underrated Games Of All Time (That I Have Personally Played)

Ron “Mario” Jeremy: Underrated Thespian

As is the case with any form of entertainment, whether it be music, movies or video games, you find some of the best stuff when you take a risk, when you go out on a limb and try something new. Some of my best gaming experiences have been with those forgotten underdogs, languishing in the shadows of Halo and GTA, struggling to be discovered in a sea of over-hyped competition. Following is a list of some of my favorite underrated games that most people have never played but really ought to:

#10 - Mega Man Legends

Desu! Desu! Put me in your mouth! What?

Mega man has starred in like 50 billion games, but the best of all of them (and the one that absolutely no one played) is Mega Man Legends. This game has all the action of a Mega Man game combined with very well executed RPG elements. The story is actually quite compelling, the weapons are awesome, and the co-starring characters are great. The Bonne family’s Servebots that hassle you throughout the game look like they inspired just about every designer toy sold at Urban Outfitters for the next decade to follow.
#9 - Maniac Mansion

Some slutty, talentless rocker chick about to do it with an alien tentacle monster for a record deal. Nothing new here.

I only have a vague memory of playing this game as a kid, but I do remember that it totally redefined my perception of what a video game could be. Maniac Mansion was nothing like any of my other games. Basically you took on the role of one of half a dozen teenagers with different skill sets, and solved puzzles in order to solve a mystery that involved sentient plants, alien tentacles and zombies. The way that you could interact with any person, place or thing in the mansion was really amazing considering the hardware limitations of the NES. Indigo Prophecy, another great, underrated game, is basically Maniac mansion minus the humor, and even that’s a lot of fun to play.

#8 - Astro Boy: Omega Factor

Once you get past the whole “shirtless robot boy in underwear and boots” thing, Astro Boy is a lot of fun!

I’m not really all that familiar with the Astro Boy cartoon, but I gave this game a shot and I didn’t regret it one bit. Astro Boy is perhaps the most enjoyable 2-D, side scrolling shoot-em-up that I have ever played. It’s better than Contra, Metal Slug, and perhaps even Gunstar Heroes. There are tons of secrets, power ups and upgrades, secret characters and boss fights, alternate endings… the list goes on. Astro Boy is the kind of game Mega Man always wished it could be but never quite achieved despite hundreds of tries.

#7 - Super Mario Bros. 2

This is what the original instruction manual had to say about Birdo.

I know that you probably all think that Mario gets more than his fair share of appreciation, but I’ve always felt that Super Mario 2 has been unfairly treated as the black sheep of the Mario family. Every time you see a “best of” list, Super Mario 2 is usually not included. It’s the same problem Zelda 2 had; that the game was just too different from its predecessor, as well as the games that followed it. But is this really such a bad thing? Call me crazy, but I actually believe Super Mario 3 was a step backward from this game. What could be better than controlling four mushroom kingdom characters, all with unique abilities, in a totally new adventure with all new bad guys to fight? The physics were awesome, the enemies were weird, and the secrets were plentiful. The awesomenisity of Birdo alone is enough to make this game more revered than it is.

#6 - Psychonauts

Raz, fondling livestock with the power of his twisted little mind.

This game isn’t necessarily underrated, at least not by critics. Psychonauts is one of those weird games that, despite overwhelming amounts of positive reviews and press, just didn’t sell. It’s a shame too, because the story and presentation of this game make it one of the most imaginative experiences I’ve ever had with a game. Basically you must enter people’s minds and fight their demons for them in order to find out who stole all your classmates brains and why. Because every character’s psychosis is different, the levels all play out in their bizarre way. One level has you playing a giant game of risk against a dude with a Napoleon complex. Another level has you entering the mind of a twisted milkman and his demented imagining of a paranoid suburbia. You can even enter the mind of a lungfish and play Godzilla to a city of intelligent lungfish people. Please, for the love of god, stop procrastinating and play this game already.

#5 - Rock & Roll Racing

This is quite possibly the only racing game with more explosions than Burnout.

The advent of fully 3-D gaming nearly destroyed 2-D gaming, but it completely obliterated faux 3-D, top down, ¾ view gaming. Rock & Roll Racing was perhaps the last great top down, ¾ view racing game, and it’s definitely the best. You get to pick from half a dozen different car types with just as many drivers and weapons to go along with them. The control is amazing, everything is upgradeable, and two player races are a blast either competitively or cooperatively. Rock & Roll Racing was also one of the first games to prominently feature real, licensed songs like “Highway Star” and “Paranoid”, which was and still is rad.

#4 - Beyond Good & Evil

Jade out saving the world, snapping pics of Britney Spears entering/leaving rehab.

I had this game sitting on my shelf for like two months before I played it. I kept hearing about how good it was, but I had my doubts. Once I started playing Beyond Good & Evil, all my doubts were replaced by wonder that this game was not the biggest selling release of the year. This game controls like Zelda, has an awesome story, really likeable characters, and an incredibly rewarding “photo safari” sidequest. The art and music are beautifully composed, and the game is not only funny, but also perhaps even moving. Definitely try and find this game, it has to be experienced to really be understood.

#3 - Jet Grind Radio

Jet Grind Radio is like the Japanese hipster version of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater.

What a weird game. In Jet Grind Radio, you play as one of several punk kids on roller blades that skate around tagging graffiti all over a Japanese police state. It sounds dumb, but it plays so excellently, and has such great, truly individual style that you won’t be able to put it down. Jet Grind Radio really ushered in the whole “cel-shaded” look, had a great soundtrack and a lot of really cool secrets to discover. Also, the learning curve was so long that you could continue to improve your skills for weeks, maybe even months. This is not to say that the game is overly difficult, but rather that you can achieve an insane level of skill that at first may have seemed impossible. The sequel to this game overly simplified the graffiti tagging aspect, which I feel hurt the game overall. The original is still the one to get if you happen to still have a Dreamcast.

#2 - Suikoden 2

One of the kajillion nasty double-crosses that occur in Suikoden 2.

Quite possibly the finest RPG game I’ve ever played. I have participated in more role-playing adventures than I care to admit, but I really have to say that the story of Suikoden 2 really resonated more than almost any of them, and that even includes Final Fantasy games. Suikoden’s story of international politics, espionage and the occult never fails to offer surprises as you progress through the game. Suikoden also really nails the turn based combat, utilizing combo attacks with certain combinations of characters, awesome magic and really cool weapons. The difficulty is always balanced, and you can collect up to 108 characters to use in your party, all of which are comfortably housed at your ever-expanding base of operations. It’s like Final Fantasy, the Sims, Pokeman and a Tom Clancy novel all rolled into one. Hopefully this game comes out on a compilation or something, copies of it sell for like $200 on ebay now due to its scarcity.

#1 - Ninja 5-O

Pink-clad ninja cops saving hostages armed with nothing but a grappling hook. Makes perfect sense.

Ninja games are awesome and you know it. What you may not know is that Ninja 5-O is the best ninja game ever made. It’s better than Ninja Gaiden and Shinobi, combined. Ninja 5-O is a tongue-in-cheek throwback to the ninja games of the 80’s, challenging you to take on the role of a ninja/cop assigned to rescue the president or some shit. It plays kind of like a combination of the aforementioned ninja games, with the inclusion of a sweet Bionic Commando-like grappling hook. Swinging around on your rope, throwing shurikens, cutting thugs in half and casting ninja magic at the same time is so bitchen’, it will almost make you forgive Ninja 5-O for the sadistic difficulty of the last stage of the game.

A reader all butthurt because we didn’t include “Juggalo Xtreme Backyard Wrestling” in our list or some such shit.

Are there any games that you feel are missing from our list? If so, drop us a line and we’ll include them in a follow-up article! Either that or ridicule you mercilessly because you are a nerd. It really just depends on the game and our mood at the time, quite honestly!

Three bonafide classics and one practical joke(?) in one week!

Landstalker: The Treasures of King Nole :

Genesis - 4 out of 5

Nigel the fairy man sneaking off to take a whiz at the Cannibal Teddy Bear Picnic.

Despite the fact that the Genesis was not ever really known for action RPGs, Landstalker is still fondly remembered as one of the best games in the genre.

At first it’s a pain in the ass to play Landstalker because the learning curve for controlling your character in a 3-D isometric view is so steep. Every pissant enemy can walk right up and kill you as you swing away in the wrong direction or walk right off a cliff. However, once you get the hang of it, Landstalker becomes as addicting as any of the great action adventure games of it’s type, reminding me a little of The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past.

If you’ve already played Zelda to death, and are still jonesing for another fix of gay elf treasure hunting, definitely pick this up. It’s not as simple as Nuetopia, which came out on the VC a couple of weeks ago, but it’s infinitely deeper and will probably keep you busy longer as well.

Bonk 3: Bonk’s Big Adventure

TurboGrafx 16 – 5 out of 5

What really killed off the dinosaurs: Mongoloid cave-babies.

This game is awesome. The graphics and sound are upbeat, colorful and original. The control is great. As a mascot, Bonk is very likeable, and I’d even go so far as to say that this game reminds me a bit of Super Mario World on the SNES in terms of quality, secrets and special abilities.

The ability to drastically change sizes by easting different colored candy may even have been bitten off by Mario, and it’s a great play mechanic here. Giant Bonk can smash enemies to hell while Tiny Bonk can squeeze into more tight crevices than a Catholic priest.

Bonk 3 is a fine example of what makes old school platformers great and should definitely not be missed.

Donkey Kong Jr. Math

NES – 1 out of 5

Donkey Kong Jr. Math: Helping you learn to hate learning.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but I will anyway. This game is crap. Edutainment is crap. (Except for Oregon Trail, that game was sweet.) And I even love Donkey Kong Jr. It’s my favorite Donkey Kong game of all time. But add math to it and what you end up with is a really inefficient calculator. It may even be less fun than a calculator.

At least you can use a calculator to spell “BOOBIES” and “ASS”, which is at least good for a chuckle or two.