Mongo Nation

A link to the past…?

By Jeremy Azevedo

Konami’s Time Hollow for the DS won’t win any fans over in the action/adventure category, but fans of Phoenix Wright and Hotel Dusk will almost certainly find it to be a real treat.

Typical of point and click adventures, Time Hollow places you in a mysterious setting and tasks you with unraveling the plot by playing detective over the course of several episodic levels. The anime style animation and writing adds a lot of character to the proceedings, which have a refreshingly sci-fi feel that is grounded in real life. If I had to compare it to anything, I’d say it was like a cross between “Quantum Leap” and “Saved by the Bell”.

The game opens when your main character, Ethan Kairos wakes up on his 17th birthday in some kind of alternate reality in which his parents have been missing for twelve years. He also discovers a mysterious gift that allows him to draw holes in time, through which he can alter the past. This mechanic, using the DS stylus as a pen that opens portals in the time space continuum, is both an excellent use of the DS hardware and a great setup for some really clever puzzles.

Throughout Time Hollow, you will be frustrated from time to time by an inability to figure out what to do next. At times, the next step is needlessly vague, and may require you to talk to someone you’ve never even met or find some tiny object hidden somewhere in the environment. However, you will also come to find that everything is related in some small way, and the sense of accomplishment you feel after solving a particularly hairy riddle is quite rewarding.

Again, I can really only recommend this game to people that enjoy story driven adventures, as the pacing is really rather slow. But if you have even a passing interest in science fiction, “Back to the Future” time anomalies, alternate realities and really, incredibly short skirts, you will no doubt have a mind-bendingly good time with Time Hollow.

Score: 7 out of 10
+1 if you are what is commonly referred to as an “Otaku”
-2 if you can’t read

Worth saving?

By Jeremy Azevedo

Most of the complaints that I hear to do with Konami’s “Lost in Blue” series in general have to do with the amount of maintenance that goes into just keeping your characters alive, and how it puts a damper on exploration. These are perhaps people that don’t know how to get out of action game-mode and relax a little.

Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked does have it’s share of faults. The graphics are a little underwhelming. As with most games on the Wii, I’d really rather see 2-D or cel-shaded graphics, as 3-D models just tend to look a little janky on the system regardless of what game it is. And it’s a little weird how the characters inexplicably belt out one in ten lines of dialogue. What’s the point? I don’t understand why all of the dialogue isn’t spoken at this point. And of course, the most glaring problem is the fact that, right from the outset, your characters are constantly starving to death. Which does, indeed, inhibit exploration. Seriously, you have to eat like fifty coconuts a day just to stay alive. It’s retarded.

They look skinny, but apparently host stomach parasites with the appetite of ten fat guys.

Here’s the thing, though: Lost in Blue is not meant to be rushed through. That you characters require constant maintenance should tell you that the way to get ahead is not to rush blindly into action with empty pockets, but to take your time and prepare. If you imagine what it would be like to be stranded on a desert island, it probably wouldn’t be all about fighting wild boars with your bare hands and swinging from vines like Tarzan, but rather, taking the time to build up your supplies and ensure your continuing survival. Cute as it seems, Lost in Blue is almost sim-like in the way it embraces this idea.

The proper way to enjoy Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked is at a leisurely pace. Before going out to explore the island, you really have to take a day to gather supplies, pack a few lunches, make sure your tools are in order and that you have a back up supply of water. It’s not exactly an action packed experience, but it is relaxing and most of the mini-games are actually pretty fun and make good (but not obtrusive) use of the wiimote. You’d be surprised how much further you get with a little pre-prep, even while dragging your dead-weight partner around with you. Really, that broad isn’t good for anything more than an extra inventory bag.

The rare and mysterious singing/clapping jungle pandas.

Protip: Early in the game, you will have a strong urge to punch this game in the face. This is because you need like 100 vines in order to progress and there don’t appear to be any around. This will feel very much like bullcrap to you, but I will save you an aneurysm and tell you what to do. After you fight the boar, you will be able to push a rock. You have to have Lucy with you (but then you sorta always have to bring her with so that almost goes without saying). A little further ahead, you will find a cooking utensil. It’s in a craggy area near where you find some crystals, and you can even make a shortcut back to basecamp near here. On the way back, you will be attacked by an ox, which triggers a minigame. After completing this, you will be able to access a forest with all the vines you need! As long as you always keep a stock of ready made lunches and firewood on hand, the game is a lot easier from this point on.

Rating: 7 out of 10
+1 if your favorite TV show is Lost
-2 if the you loved Devil May Cry but hated The Sims

Nerdcore exhibit opens in Hollywood!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Starting last Thursday and continuing on through September 7th, popular gamer lifestyle brand “I Am 8-Bit” will be hosting a gallery of 8-bit inspired art at the World of Wonder Storefront in Hollywood.

I was lucky enough to attend the opening and check out some of the crazy artwork on display this year. While there weren’t any giant-size working controllers or custom chiptune Guitar Hero games or anything at the show this year, the Nerdcore girls were acting as a human exhibit of sorts, lying around glass enclosures in their underwear, playing old school games in front of drooling fanboys disguised as hipsters. Adding to the excitement were DJs playing midi tunes while bartenders served (free!) Colt 45s in custom designed 24 oz. cans.

Donkey Kong, Mario and Paul Frank

Now I’m not much of an art critic but I find the whole 8-bit art thing particularly fascinating because as a kid growing up playing those games, I remember using my imagination to fill in the blanks that the rudimentary graphics were unable to fill. What these artists have done is essentially given physical form to their own imaginary interpretations of subjects that figure very strongly in today’s pop cultural tableau. My camera is a piece of shit so please enjoy these pictures, most of which I cribbed from our friends over at Joysiq.com!

Samus

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The new console version of Castlevania is… a fighting game?

By Jeremy Azevedo

From the moment he first saw the Wii, Castlevania series director Koji Igarashi knew that it would be the perfect system for a new, truly interactive Castlevania action game.

This is a guy who seems to actually carry a whip with him wherever he goes, so of course he would seek to replicate the experience of cracking the Vampire Killer whip with the Wiimote.

While Igarashi contends that his hew game, Castlevania: Judgment is more of an action/adventure game, it is clear that this is purely a fighter. Igarashi worried that using the Wiimote in a full-sized 3-D adventure might have made player’s arms tired after awhile, so he set out to make the gameplay enjoyable in shorter bursts.

While it doesn’t have the depth of Street Fighter or Soul Calibur, it does play quite a bit like Power Stone on the Dreamcast, one of the most entertaining multiplayer fighters ever made. All of the moves are simple to do, and the action is fast and filled with environmental hazards/surprises. I sure hope it’s four-player simultaneous like Power Stone too! In fact, it better be or I’m gonna be good and pissed. I mean, how goddamn hard is it? Smash Bros. did it like 100 years ago, Konami should be able to figure it out.

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Topics for debate at the close of this year’s E3

By Jeremy Azevedo

Even after all those presentations, press conferences, and closed-door demo sessions, the gaming press still has unanswered questions about E3 2008. Let’s take a look at some of the hottest lingering rumors at the end of the week…

Rumor Number 5: Nintendo is working on a USB hard drive

Wii Ware the f**k am I supposed to keep all this shit?

There was no mention of WiiWare, the Virtual Console, or hard drive’s of any sort at the Nintendo press conference. But with Microsoft and Sony constantly intrducing new SKUs with bigger hard drives every few months, it’s about time Nintendo addresses their glaring storage problems. I hope they figure out something soon, or the WiiWare service is going to die in the cradle.
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Scenes from the goriest game ever to come to Wii!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Madworld by Sega is so violent, It’s already reportedly been banned from being released in Australia. Australia! A country that was once settled by British prisoners too gnarly to be kept on their own continent!

Well you probably won’t be purchasing this game here at notoriously bible-humping US chains like Walmart either, by the looks of it. Hopefully everywhere else will carry the title though, because not only does it look like a goddamn Frank Miller graphic novel in motion, but the Wii is desperately in need of a mature title like this to counterbalance the hundreds of shovelware kiddie titles threatening to tip Nintendo into the abyss of fanboy backlash. Whatever happens, We’ve got new pics and trailers from MadWorld right here:

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Nintendo’s fairly lackluster showing, and a few big surprises

By Jeremy Azevedo

Today started out with the Nintendo press conference, inexplicably held across town from the rest of the show at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood.

I already knew to expect some sort of announcement regarding the “Wii-Motion Plus”, and possibly something about Animal Crossing for the Wii or perhaps some sort of hard drive add-on to complement the new Wii Ware service. I wonder if you can guess which one was not addressed?

It was strange that there was no mention of the virtual console, Wii Ware, or storage problems with the Wii made at any point during the conference. Instead, Nintendo execs spent most of their time bragging about how they had reached this whole new demographic of casual gamers, and outlining the myriad ways in which they hoped to pander to said casual gamers (which is kind of a tough sell in a room full of hardcore gaming journalists). Nearly every game debuted here seemed aimed at families, save for maybe one. But I’ll get to that later, the one game I speak of was really the only huge surprise of their show.

Animal Crossing: City Folk is one game that many Nintendo fan will be looking forward to, but my impression was kind of more of the same. The only new features to speak of are the ability to travel into the city to gab with annoying humanimals and buy shit, and the ability to spend yet another 30 American dollars on yet another useless Nintendo Peripheral, the “Wii-Speak” microphone. Unlike a traditional headset, the Wii-Speak sets on your TV top and records the whole room so whole groups of people can converse as they play, I guess.

Several games made use of the Wii Balance Board, including Shaun White Snowboarding, an impressively detailed open-world snowboarding game, a new Rayman Raving Rabids party game, and the new sequel to Wii Sports, “Wii Sports: Resort”, which will be a pack in with the aforementioned “Wii-Motion Plus” and features beach resort themed sports such as volleyball, Frisbee and sword fighting. Wait, what? I haven’t spent a lot of time in resorts in my lifetime, but at least enough to know that I’ve never gotten into a sword fight at one…
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Your guide to the painfully unnecessary!

By Jeremy Azevedo

As further evidence of the impending apocalypse, nary a week goes by that my eyes and ears don’t writhe in agony after being assaulted by the latest horror bestowed upon us by the entertainment juggernaut that rules our world with a tastelessly bejeweled fist.

Not content to keep this unwanted knowledge to myself, I have instead decided to share it with all of you so that you can share in my indignation!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

This may be the most pandering, obnoxious, racially insensitive, and useless “comedy” of the year, on top of being at least five years too late, if not more. Basically, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” consists of a bunch of Mexican actors (George Lopez, Selma Hayek, Paul Rodriguez, Andy Garcia, and Drew Barrymore as the token “cracker”) spouting off stereotypes while animated dogs prance around rapping about being “hot” dogs. I cannot begin to imagine how it escaped Disney’s notice that no one has given a crap about Chihuahuas since the “Yo Queiro Taco Bell” commercials stopped running and all the celebrities flushed their Chihuahuas down the toilet and got Puggles or some other stupid trendy dog instead.

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Revisit the controller-snappers of your youth!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Everybody remembers the final bosses of all the classic NES game: Bowser, Red Falcon, Gannon, Mother Brain, Dr. Wiley. But what about the lesser bosses… the assistant managers of evil in the department store of adventure? What about them, huh?

In honor of the middle management monsters of gaming’s past, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most compelling minibosses of the NES era.

Former baddies at the law offices of Hippo, Birdo, Woodman and Sachs.

Birdo (Super Mario Bros. 2)

Quite possibly the most disturbing example of cosplay ever conceived.

Just what the hell is a “Birdo” anyway? A transgender reptile/bird/mammal thing that spits eggs out of it’s gaping snout as an act of aggression? Eggs that never hatch? What sort of creature would do something like that? How do they reproduce, by getting mustached plumbers to re-fertilize them by chucking the eggs back at them or something?

Whatever the hell it is, Birdo shares the important distinctions of being both the first openly bi-curious video game character and the first miniboss to ever have a “nerdcore” metal song written about it:

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Our review of the Nintendo fanboy’s latest wet dream!

By Dustin Pena

II spent a wonderful Saturday in Hollywood waiting in line, miles away from any hint of a woman, for the midnight release of my most anticipated game of 2008, Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the Nintendo Wii.

Magically I was the first lucky gamer to purchase the game at the stroke of midnight and as I made my way out of the store I was met by a round of applause from my fellow line goers. I felt just like Cinderella, only sexier.

The first thing I did when I got home was attempt to lay a smash down on the world by throwing my mitts around over the Nintendo Wi-Fi connection. I waited longer to get a match than I did in line to buy the game! What?! Nintendo knew this was gonna be a huge selling point for the game so why were the servers taking a leave of absence? Simply Amazing. In fact it wasn’t until my buddy and I traded our very personal Friend Codes that I was able to quickly connect and hand him his ass on a turtle shell. Once I started wailing on him and mouthing off with my personalized taunts like “Kiss my brown” I saw a little light at the end of a very long, long tunnel.

Mario takes a break from the action to help a Pikachu cross the street.

After we disconnected I decided to do what I do best, play with myself. I quickly pummeled through Classic Mode with my favorite newcomer, Pit from the Kid Icarus series, made popular on the NES and Gameboy. The game has a hefty roster of new challengers to get acclimated to, but I only found a select few (hint: they all have wings) suitable to my fighting style. The rest were mostly throw aways as far as I’m concerned, but I’m sure that somewhere out there, someone is an Olimar loyalist. Right? Maybe? I just keep telling myself that and I’m sure Nintendo does too. The biggest change in the series is the inclusion of non-Nintendo characters for the first time but you’ll have to earn ‘em

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