Mongo Nation

Ninjas and video games: One of nature’s perfect combinations.

By Jeremy Azevedo

Everybody knows that ninjas are rad. It’s a fact, like saying, “the sun is hot” or “the world is round” or “sweet pickles are disgusting”. It can’t be argued.

Knowing this, many game developers have tried over the last few decades to capitalize on this awesomnisity by making video games about ninjas, so fat virgins who live in their mom’s basements can pretend to know the glory of decapitating one’s opponent with a razor sharp blade of steel. While there can be no such thing as a bad ninja game, we’ve compiled a list of the ten best, most influential titles in the storied history of ninja gaming:

Ninja Gaiden (NES, Multiplatform)

Ryu Hayabusa symbolizes everything that is totally sweet about ninjas. Some of his hobbies include throwing shuriken, using ninpo (ninja magic, duh) to do crazy shit like duplicate himself or throw fireballs, sticking to walls, hanging from helicopters, cutting fools in half so hard that they EXPLODE, and smacking bitches in the “Dead or Alive” series. Ryu has tangled with monsters, demons, barbarians, lesser ninjas, killer birds, the C.I.A. and lord knows what else, and always manages to come out on top (if you have unlimited continues and a shit-ton of patience, his games are real controller-snappers).

Tenchu (PS1, Multiplatform)

Tenchu was the first game to really give us a taste of the sneaky side of ninjas. Why expend all that energy flipping out and cutting someone’s head off in a shower of blood and bone, when you can chill on the rooftop, feed some idiot a poisoned rice ball (which they will always eat upon discovering, no matter where they found it) creep up on your sleeping victim and cleanly and quietly garrote their throat. Rikimaru and Ayame are like Batman with all their decoys, dog whistles, disguises, grappling hooks and other toys, an essential part of the ninja experience that had been missing from video games for far too long. Read the rest of this entry →

If ninjas are the new pirates, what’s the new ninja?

By Ted Hucklebuck

When you spend as much time on “teh internetz” as I do, then you tend to see a lot of the same things after awhile. No matter how hard people try to be “random” (as in “OMG Pirates? How random! lol!”), eventually even the most unusual topics will become commonplace.

Which is what happened to pirates at least 100 years ago. Even so, people that are new to the intertubes persist in making pirate themed references even to this day.

Yeah, and that fat ginger bastard didn’t pay them to be there either, right?

This is why I have decided to create this handy guide to acceptable referencing on the interwebz. As I have previously stated, pirates are out. So what, you may be wondering, is the new pirate? Well obviously ninjas are the new pirates, I would inform you. “But Mr. Huckelbuck, aren’t ninjas kinda played out too?” you might ask. After smiting you with my +15 sword of Grondor for speaking out of turn, I would inform you that you are correct, and in actuality, lolcatz are the new ninjas.

The buck obviously doesn’t stop there though people. Everyone knows that the moment your aunt Debbie in Montana emails you an lolcat, the fad is now officially dead. Thankfully zombies have have risen from their graves stepped (or skulked, or dragged, or loped, or whatever the hell you wanna call it) in to take their place.

Starring Corey Feldman as “Rapist Cat”.

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