Mongo Nation

Is it the masterpiece that was promised?

By Jeremy Azevedo

The original Fable was one of the greatest games that I have ever played. Along with Knights of the Old Republic, it was the reason why I bought the original Xbox in the first place. (I am a huge action/RPG nerd.)

Fable represented a quantum leap in role playing, introducing a deep system of player interactions, personal choice, rewards and consequences. Fable 2 takes all these concepts and develops them further, evolving into what may be the greatest sandbox game of all time, even next to Grand Theft Auto 4. There is more to do in this game than you could possibly imagine, and none of it involves lame stealth, following or escort missions, either.

Everything in Fable 2 delivers on the promises made by Peter Molyneux and Lionhead Studios. The writing is top notch, the combat is fast and fun and the many, many different systems of interaction and moral consequence may extend the life of the game indefinitely. I have spent far more time dicking around, robbing houses, resisting arrest, scoring babes, practicing safe sex, treasure hunting, blacksmithing, highway robbing, cliff diving, dog grooming, hunting and dabbling in real estate than I have actually following the main story. Thankfully, an unobtrusive “trail of bread crumbs” is always present to lead you to the next objective, as you will probably wander off the beaten track at times for so long that you forget just what the hell you were in the process of doing in the first place.

Even the graphics, which look kind of weird in pictures, take on a life of their own in motion. The style and fluidity of animation is top notch, avoiding the hallow appearance of most realistic looking art styles by not really trying to look realistic at all. Everything in the game is bursting with character, from your incredibly useful canine companion to the goblin-like Hobbes… You almost feel a real sense of guilt every time you lead a villager to sacrifice or sell your wife and children into slavery. And I don’t think there is any character evil enough to abuse the aforementioned dog that accompanies you throughout the game.

The number of ways in which you can approach a moral dilemma are what makes the game so enjoyable. Nothing is just black and white, good and evil. Your character can be pious but feared, cruel but fair, a thieving, clowning jerk (like my character) or really anything that you feel like being. Your appearance and the way people react to you is affected by these choices, as well as the appearance of the world around you. For instance, decisions that you make in the childhood stage of your quest can determine whether the town of Bowerstone is a booming suburb or a crime-ridden hovel. Read the rest of this entry →

Microsoft, EA, Rock Band and Guitar Hero News!

By Jeremy Azevedo

I’m sure many people were expecting to see Microsoft debut a 1st party motion controller today, due to the week long speculation surrounding the lightsaber-esque peripheral known as the “Darwin”.

Despite the fact that this turned out to be untrue, that didn’t stop Nintendo from making an official announcement the day before their actual press conference regarding a new controller add-on that promises to provide the Wiimote with absolutely accurate 1:1 virtual response. Wait, what?

I don’t know about you, but I already shelled out 40 bucks apiece for the goddamn Wiimotes and 20 bucks more for the nunchuck, which already pisses me off. Factor in the Wii charging stations and you’ve got the world’s most needlessly expensive controller. So why in the hell would I want to pay another 20-30 dollars for another add-on designed to make my Wiimote do what it was supposed to already do in the first place? Go fuck yourself Nintendo. You better show me a new Kid Icarus or something equally rad tomorrow or we’re not friends anymore.

So what did Microsoft debut today? There were a couple of presentations for eagerly awaited multi-platform games like Resident Evil 5, fallout 3, Guitar Hero World Tour and Rock Band 2 (more on those later). Exclusive titles Fable 2 and Gears of War 2 were also shown, although I always felt Gears was sort of the poor man’s Halo, so I couldn’t get that excited about it. I am super pumped about Fable 2 though, the original was one of my favorite games of the last generation, and I expect more of the same from the sequel.

The big news from Microsoft was that Final Fantasy XIII would be exclusive to the 360, which is a big surprise due to the fact that Final Fantasy has long been exclusive to Sony (and before that, Nintendo). Microsoft seems to be serious about developing an RPG following on their machine, something that has long been the Playstation’s secret weapon in the hardcore gaming market. But you know what game I was most excited about? Lips. Feel free to throw away your crappy Singstar collection, as Lips will allow you to upload and sing to any song in your personal collection. Sounds too rad to be true but that’s their claim. Ama-shizzle-azing.
Read the rest of this entry →

Zune’s new customizable media players for the uber-hip.

Microsoft has just released new versions of its Zune media players that not only have tons of cool new features, but are customizable as well, with laser-engraved designs by 18 renowned international artists and 3-5 lines of custom text available. The new Zunes come in a larger, 80GB model and a compact 4-8 GB version, both of which are available in black, red, green and pink colors. The Zune also comes pre-loaded with lots of cool music, video and modern art content right out of the box, not to mention premium in-ear headphones that are significantly better than we have come to expect as a pack-in.

The Zune looks to compete with the iPod juggernaut by offering more features, more customization and a slick new interface, all at a generally lower price point ($149-$249). The new line will be launched simultaneously with new software, marketplace and social networking features that will allow Zune users to take advantage of a simple drag and drop interface, wireless PC syncing, and wirelessly sharing music with friends. There are limitations in place to protect against outright piracy, but Microsoft has gone to great lengths to achieve solid cooperation from the music industry that will allow for a certain amount of leeway in regards to wirelessly sharing music with peers.

We had a chance to play around with the New Zunes a few weeks before launch, and our first impressions were quite favorable. The device looks great and controls responsively. The resolution on the screen is phenomenal, and everything is fully customizable, from the menus on down to the individual music profiles themselves. The device can wirelessly pick up shows from your Microsoft Windows Media Center (if you have one), and the FM tuner works great. And while I realize that an FM tuner is not that big of a deal to people that have 10 million songs on their MP3 player, it is a welcome addition that really should be included in any media-playing device.

Some would say that the newly designed Zune has missed the mark by not going with a touchscreen interface, but I personally am not a fan of that fad. If I’m going to be expected to stare at a tiny little screen all day long, I’d rather there weren’t greasy fingerprints all over it all the time. The Zune makes it’s mark in the innovation department with it’s expertly chosen custom design options and awesome Zune Social program, which allows users to discover and share new music effortlessly. The bottom line is this: Such as Facebook is the new counter-culture cool to MySpace, Zune is sure to be the new hipster equivalent of the now omnipresent iPod. So if you consider yourself any kind of self-respecting, early-adapting techno-hipster, you’d better get your hands on the new Zune before everyone else does too.

CraveOnline’s gonzo journalists hit the E For All videogame exhibition.

Fellow editor Dante Maddox and I spent around 5 hours at the E For All exhibition today, checking out some of the newest games and weirdest nerds the industry has to offer. Following is a play-by-play of the day’s events…

A typical scene at the videogame nerd exposition.

12:00 – We check in, and somehow I don’t have a pass waiting for me. To compound the problem, I forgot to bring business cards with me. Dante name-drops our contact and I have to show them articles I wrote on CraveOnline to prove that I am a member of the press and not just some punk kid, which is a subset that I also belong to. Somehow this gets straightened out and we head for the first booth we see.

We play a little bit of “Sword of the New World” a pretty cool MMORPG developed in part by Izumi Hamamoto, who also developed the Shadow Heart series. There is a “booth babe” there dressed as a pirate, but she claims to be a “musketeer”, whatever that is. Dante is afraid to have a picture taken with her, so I take a picture of her by herself.

Believe it or not, this was one of the only costumed booth babes in the joint.

Someone tries to get me to come up with a pose for the model that no one else has thought of for some contest but I can’t think of anything that isn’t NSFW and don’t want to look like a creep so I make a lame excuse and run away.

1:00 – We play Mario Galaxy, and it is awesome. It may be the coolest platformer ever. The controls are amazing, and even though platforming games are sort of a relic these days, all that may change when this game comes out. I notice that Nintendo has hired about 1,000 hot babes in matching outfits to work their booth. Not one of them has probably ever played a video game before.

Nintendo had more jailbait in mini skirts than an R Kelly concert.

We also have a look at Fire Emblem, which was vaguely gay but Dante seemed to enjoy pretending to like it so that he would have an excuse to talk to an engaged 19-year-old booth babe for like 10 minutes. I had a go at Battalion Wars, which is like a kiddy war game but sort of bitchen nevertheless.

Dante: “So, do you come here often?” Hot girl: “Talking, like, costs extra, okay?”

Dante and I wander the floor checking out all the booths and taking pictures. I am taken aback by how few people are here compared to my expectations. Dante thinks that it is because the tickets are so expensive, but I counter that videogames have become somewhat of a privileged media, with the fans sporting some pretty deep pockets, so I’m not sure that this is the case.

2:00 – Barry Caudill from 2K games explains to us why Civilization is awesome on consoles. We play test it and I have to agree. I’m not much of a computer gamer, but I found that the strategy elements and weird humor made for a surprisingly fun game.

A couple of freaks dressed up like historical figures to promote “Civilization”.

The first real tragedy of the day comes when we discover that the Gordon Birch brewery is closed, and there is not one place serving alcohol in the entire establishment. A somber lunch period follows, in which we masticate overcooked burgers and I try to drink a bottle of water that is frozen almost completely solid.

Delicious convention center food.

Dante wanders off to check out some hentai or something, and I learn to play the piano in like 15 minutes with this rad Piano Wizard game. Whatever company makes Piano Wizard obviously didn’t get the memo about having hot chicks at every booth, and a 50-year-old dude hovers over my shoulder as I rock some Mozart and “Piano Man” by Billy Joel. I didn’t pick the songs, by the way.

The Guitar Hero of the home schooled, puritanical Christian demographic.

3:00 - Just in case there was any doubt, I can assure you that Guitar Hero 3 is amazing on every console. The battle mode in which you can mess up the other player by cutting their strings and flipping their guitar is a scream. I pick Pearl Jam’s “Even Flow” to battle some chick that thinks she’s hot stuff. She tells me that she was born the year that song came out, which makes me feel old. But that doesn’t stop me from kicking the shit out of her at the game. Next, a dude that not only plays better than me, but also does so on expert mode emasculates me. (Sigh)

Some overweight otaku with a pac-man head shredding at Guitar Hero 3.

Dante is getting his ass handed to him at Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, Gears of War, and every other FPS in the universe. I wander off to the Nintendo shooting gallery, which is more my speed. I play Ghost Squad, Medal of Honor Heroes 2 and Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. I wonder to myself why the zapper ever went away, as I am having a great time blasting away zombies, Nazis and terrorists like there is no tomorrow. Twenty minutes later, my arms get tired, reminding me of the obvious answer to my question.

A familiar sight throughout the day.

I wander the floor taking pictures. Suddenly, a marching band comes out of nowhere, followed by a nerd parade! At least two-dozen cosplayers stand at attention, begging for my merciless criticism, which will follow in a separate article, I promise. It deserves it’s own piece, really and truly.

Bonus points if you can guess the genders of any of these kids!

4:00 – Dante interviews Abe Zarran, who works for a company that promotes pro gamers as if they were professional athletes. I wonder to myself if the general public will ever accept gaming as a viable sport. I am almost certain that this will never happen, but I smile and nod anyway.

These dudes are like the kings of the nerds, apparently.

We go to get coffee and I hallucinate that a table full of Nintendo booth babes are smiling at me. I think that I hear robot rap group 8-bit playing somewhere, so we head back inside and sure enough, they are up in some kind of tower inciting game nerds to “suck their robot dicks”. Which is, of course, awesome. Then we steal all the magazines that we can carry and head back to the office. On the way back, we discuss religion and politics for some reason.

8-Bit, rocking the latest in hipster robot fashion.

Check back here tomorrow for more info on the E For All videogame nerd conference!

Why watch for free when you can pay for it?

Xbox 360 users will have something new to get excited about next week: Microsoft has struck a deal with Fox to provide episodes from the first two seasons of Family Guy over their Xbox Live service, at a cost of $2 per episode. Now you can watch episodes of a TV show that’s on two different stations twice daily for free only now you have to pay for it!

The Simpsons+more dick and fart jokes-tidy moral messages=Family Guy!

Family Guy is one of the most popular shows with the Xbox’s male, 18-34 target audience. Other seasons will probably become available soon afterward. It’s a great idea in theory, but I’m not really too sure that there is a single person within that demographic that hasn’t already purchased the show on DVD.

If Microsoft really wanted to be cutting edge, they might have done better by signing Cartoon Network and getting episodes of Frisky Dingo and Metalocalypse on there instead. For now, they’re playing it safe. Additionally, it’s a finger in the eye of iTunes, who has been trying unsuccessfully to secure the rights to Family Guy for some time now. And you can’t really fault them for that.

Our guide to the coolest/weirdest Halo 3 marketing gimmicks.

With all the hype surrounding the upcoming release of Halo 3, there’s bound to be a great deal of Halo related merchandise available for the discerning nerd. These products range from the usual action figures and Monopoly tie-ins to the kind of products that only a real fanatic would even consider purchasing.

Master Chief showing off the new Halo 3 “Game Fuel” grenade.

Our online Halo gear guide will fill you in on the whole product line, in order from the least to the most unusual:

#1: Halo 3 Spartan Xbox 360 wireless controller, headset, $59.99 ea.

Looks like someone glued their crappy fan art to your expensive wireless controller.

This is an obvious one. After seeing the chainsaw controller that came out with Resident Evil 4 a couple of years ago, I’d even go so far as to say that this is one of the more reserved Halo 3 tie-ins.

#2 Halo 3 Limited Edition Xbox 360, $399.99

The green paint is totally worth the extra $100, right?

This one makes sense when you consider that there are probably quite a few Xbox users that have been waiting on Halo 3 before buying an Xbox. While almost unprecedented in the console market, the Halo-themed Xbox will almost certainly be a big success for Microsoft.

#3 Halo 3 McFarlane Toys, $14.95 and up, Kubrick Master Chief figure set, $19.99

These will go great with your extensive collection of “Star Wars” Legos, Poindexter.

What’s an action game without action figures to go along with it? You’re mascot is nobody until he/she is immortalized by Todd McFarlane, or as a hipster version of a Lego man by Kubrick toys. As a tribute to his popularity, Master Chief will soon be invading toy stores in representations by both designers. Your Master Chief ‘build-a-bear” is still up to you, though.

#4 Halo 3 Slurpees, Doritos, Energy Drinks, Price varies

This is how much “Gamefuel” it takes to gas up some of the larger nerds.

Want to know what “nerd” tastes like? It’s sort of like citrus, but with cherry and Mountain Dew flavors, Dorito dust, lots of caffeine, and comes in a collectible hologram cup.
#5 Halo Zune, $199.99

Wirelessly trade music with all 12 of your fellow Zune users!

Comes pre-loaded with Halo Trilogy music, artwork and videos. Actually kind of cool if you were going to buy a Zune anyway. It’s like an iPod, but with wireless file sharing and an FM tuner. I still don’t know why these haven’t caught on more.

#6 Halo 3 Legendary Edition with Spartan Mjolnir Mark VI Cat Helmet, $129.99

I can has Halo 3?

This special pre-order version of Halo 3 comes with a replica Spartan Helmet game case, which unfortunately, will not fit your head. It will, however, fit the head of your cat or small dog. You’ll have to make your own cat or chihuahua-size Spartan armor, though.

#7 Halo 3 Missile Pack, $19.99

Which compartments hold your allergy medicine and your retainer?

Here’s where it starts to get weird. For twenty bucks you can be the proud owner of a case that holds your Halo controller, headset and games, and looks like a SPNKr missile pack from Halo 3. Look like an even bigger dork than you already do when you go over to a friend’s house to challenge them face-to-acne-ridden-face.

#8 Halo 3 Master Chief statue, $99.99

For added hilarity, replace gun with miniature can of Game Fuel.

What could possibly geek your apartment up more than a finely crafted Master Chief statue/bookend/paper weight? Check the next entry in this list for the answer…
#9 Life-size Master Chief statute, $500 and up

Makes a handsome companion piece to your life-size Lara Croft statue.

Not content with a desktop-size Master Chief statue? Scare off burglars and potential mates with a life-size Master Chief from some douche on eBay! At about 7 feet tall, these statues make great coat racks, scarecrows, and post-apocalyptic garden centerpieces.

#10 Halo 3 Master Chief Costume, $6,000

Ensure a lifetime of virginity with your own expertly handcrafted Master Chief costume!

Speaking of life-size Master Chiefs, why just look at one when you can be one? If money is no object, entertain your wildest cosplay fantasies by dressing up like the man himself, in your very own set of Spartan armor! The price is a little on the steep side, but you can never be too prepared in the eventuality that aliens actually do invade earth.

Bonus item: 12 foot Halo 3 Diorama

You gonna get raped.

This diorama, constructed by Bungie’s marketing team for a video advertising campaign, will be touring trade shows and even some museums over the course of the coming year. Who says video games aren’t art? Roger Ebert you say? Whatever, his opinion will be forever negated by the one movie he ever actually did make himself, “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls”. Watch that movie after playing Halo 3 and then tell me which one you think is “art”.

Microsoft partners with Ubisoft, Sidewinder to expand PC gaming platform.

Earlier today, at the German Games Convention in Leipzig, Germany, Microsoft has announced new partnerships that may have exciting implications for PC gamers worldwide.