Mongo Nation

Check out our favorite and least favorite picks!

So our friends over at AskMen.com just announced the winners of their incredibly popular “99 Most Desirable Women” list. As a connoisseur of fine, top-shelf celebrity babes, we were quick to peruse the listing so that we could argue with them about which ones we did and didn’t agree with. Here are our top (and bottom) three picks from the list:

Agree: Christina Hendricks

Red hair, huge knocks, Mad Men. What other reasons do you need? Last night I saw Joan Rivers, Ghouliana Ransick, token gay guy and China Kardashian trashing Hendricks’ dress at the Golden Globes, and all I could think was “really?” Those misfits were trying way too hard to find a flaw in this chick when clearly there isn’t one.

Disagree: Angelina Jolie

I get it. I remember when she was hot too. I saw Gia. But now she’s a withered old hippy and I’m over it. It’s 2010, not 1999… Let’s get on with our lives and direct our attention to getting Blake Lively or someone under 50 into getting naked onscreen for once. Read the rest of this entry →

Famous people anonymously reveal their darkest, most humiliating secrets!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Many of you are no doubt familiar with “PostSecret”, an ongoing community art project that encourages people to write their darkest and/or most embarrassing secrets on the backside of a homemade postcard, and then send it in the mail to PostSecret creator (and probable misery fetishist) Frank Warren.

Our field reporter Pete Pelmo is certainly a fan; He routinely roots through Frank’s mail looking for slutty post cards from damaged women that have return addresses on them. On one of his most recent expeditions, Pete Pelmo discovered a treasure trove of what appears to be celebrity post secrets! Not that we’re terribly surprised… Celebrities feed on attention like parasites and love talking about themselves above all else. However, some of these confessions are actually pretty shocking! See if you can guess which post cards are from whom! Answers are written backwards beneath the cards:

Answer:Nilessog Noj

Answer:Iksnalop Namor

Answer:Yrrep Relyt Read the rest of this entry →

We interview Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Diablo Cody and the rest of the cast!

Last week we went along with Ryan Rotten of ShockTillYourDrop.com to the premiere of Jennifer’s Body (which was awesome, by the way). While we were there, we talked to Megan Fox, Adam Brody and director Karyn Kusama about the film, their experience working in horror for the first time, and whether or not Megan “eats any girls” in the film. Check it out!

Don’t worry, we also talked to Diablo Cody, Amanda Seyfried and Panic at the Disco, who were there performing their new single that appears in the film.

For more of Jennifer’s Body, watch Ryan Rotten’s on-stage Q&A with the writer and cast!

Also feel free to watch this bootleg video of Panic at the Disco performing live at the event, if that’s what you’re into.

The public weighs in on the long-awaited breakup!

Megan Fox is officially single, much to the delight of American males everywhere, none of whom have a snowball’s chance in hell of actually scoring with her.

In less than a week, we’ve received hundreds of emails from potential suitors eager to be the next Mr. Megan Fox… Which is weird because if we had any connection to her whatsoever, we’d be at home doin’ it all day instead of writing stupid articles about her. Here are a few of our favorites:

Pete Pelmo, of Fresno, California had this to say:

“I used to feel really bad for jacking off to picture of Megan Fox online, because I’m such a huge Brian Austin Green fan. I’d be going at it, and then he’d just sort of pop into my head, looking at me disapprovingly and making it hard for me to keep going. The stroke sessions are running quite a bit more smoothly now!”

Brian Palumbo of Albuquerque, New Mexico says:

“I think I’d be a great match for Megan. First of all, my name is Brian, so she wouldn’t have to remember a new name or, like, laser that “Brian” tattoo off of her box or anything. Also, I’m a great dancer and I’ve seen Transformers like 100 times, so I feel like we’ve got a lot in common.”

Tony Samos of Long Island, New York muses:

“Wow, Megan Fox is single? I guess it doesn’t really change my plans to kidnap her and lock her up in my sex dungeon for the rest of her natural life, but at least that’s one less person I have to go through to get to her, amirite?”

Laci Gunns of Las Vegas, Nevada wrote:

“I hear she’s into strippers… Maybe she was just saying that to look cool or sexy or whatever, but that doesn’t bother me one bit. Either way, she looks like she could probably support my $1,000 a day coke habit fairly easily. Come see me at Crazy Horse, baby! Bring your wallet!”

R.C. Collins of Portsmouth, New Hampshire summed up the general consensus thusly:

“Hey, it’s about time Megan Fox dumped that 90210 jerk-wad already. She’s bitchen!”

Megan Fox was unable to be reached for comment in regards to this story, despite numerous phone calls, emails, text messages, notes slipped under the door and desperate pleas for a date. I mean comment. Call me!

Hey, movies are always doing it, so why not TV?

By Jeremy Azevedo

Everybody remembers Knight Rider, Airwolf, Miami Vice, the A-Team, etc…. The 80s were a hotbed of wisecracking, ass-kicking, action adventure and vigilante justice, goddamnit!

The only problem is that the way we remember those shows is about 100 times more awesome than they actually appear today. This is something we’ve learned by enduring countless remakes and films that piss on the memory of our beloved shows by trying to pass off some nobody as The Hoff or Ice Cube as B.A. Baracus. Aw, hell no.

But what about all of the great comedies? Networks and studios are foolishly over-looking a barrel full of profitable IPs only because today’s sitcoms are crap. Comedy has more of an evergreen quality to it than Cold War era action shows do. All they require is a little tweaking here and there to update it for a modern audience. Here are five I came up with just now, and I’m not even a big-shot studio producer or anything:

Cheers

A whole bunch of alcoholics sitting around gabbing about how shitty their lives are is great and all, but they don’t even really act drunk or anything. It isn’t realistic. Nowadays, it’d make more sense if they all hung out at one of those places that sells you weed because you told the doctor your back hurts or whatever. I mean, if Pineapple Express can find mainstream success, Why not “Cheers & Chong”? Obviously, Judd Apatow would produce this, and all his little stoner friends would be part of the deal.

Small Wonder

Step 1: Cast Megan Fox as Vicki the Robot.
Step 2: Put her in a metal bikini or better yet, nothing but silver body paint. With sparkles.
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit!

Small Wonder was about some stupid kid robot who did chores and stuff around the house and becomes, like, part of this family of dorks. But wouldn’t it be totally sweeter if the robot were a total babe, who was only hanging around the family to observe their behavior and report it back to her sexy fembot overlords, who intend on enslaving the human race in the coming robopocalypse? That was a rhetorical question, by the way. Of course it would be totally sweeter, duh. Read the rest of this entry →