This month is kind of a slow one for gaming, but thankfully we were able to dig up a few games to get you through your post-holiday depression period, some of which are actually pretty good, but none of which are as bitchen’ as the following picture:
Lord of the Rings: Conquest
System: Multi-Platform Release Date: 1/13
In this action/strategy game, you can take control of either the forces of good or of evil in the battle for Middle Earth. I don’t know why anyone would want to play as a bunch of fruity hobbits, elves and talking trees when you could have orcs, Nazguls, war elephants and the Balrog at your disposal, but at least the option is there, I guess.
Skate 2
System: Xbox 360, PS3 Release Date: 1/21
Skate 2 looks a lot like Skate 1, adding very little to the formula that brought them such great success… Which is probably a good idea, after seeing what happened to Tony Hawk Pro Skater after it added too many bells & whistles for it’s own good (and was subsequently abandoned by the skateboarding community). What this means exactly is that you’ll be pretending to fall down a lot and moving stuff around so you can try to jump off of it and fall down some more. I’m not sure why this is fun, but some people seem to like it. Read the rest of this entry →
Gifts that will get you omitted from your mom’s will
By Jeremy Azevedo
Each year, a bunch of morons sharpen their Scooby Doo pencils and set to work writing all these lame articles about what to get your mother for Mother’s Day, and it’s always the same crap. Unless your mother hates you with the intensity of a thousand fiery suns, she’ll enjoy most anything that you give her all the same.
That having been said, there are a few select gift ideas that you should avoid at all costs, which I have gone to the trouble of outlining for you here. As long as you avoid the following gifts, you should be the apple of your mom’s creepy glass eye this Mother’s Day.
“Hi mom! You accidently locked me outside again!”
A Bail Bond
“Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day! I’M IN JAIL! Can you bail me out?”
This is the second worst thing that you could ever say to your mom, the first being this:
“Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day! Guess what? I married Lindsay Lohan in Vegas, converted to Scientology, dropped out of school, have AIDS, killed a US senator for Al Qaeda and never really liked your meatloaf! Happy Mother’s Day!”
A New Pet
A lovely creature in need of a good home or euthanasia.
Your mom doesn’t need another mangy ass pet to take care of for twenty years. Nothing says “Screw you, Mom!” like saddling her with another helpless living creature to stress her out every time she’s trying to go on a vacation, to piss/shit all over her carpet and burrow holes in her nice furntiture.
