Now you can wear your favorite games on your (virtual) sleeve, for free!
By Jeremy Azevedo
Months ago, Microsoft announced that “Avatar Awards” would be a part of the new user interface for Xbox Live. What this means is that, in addition to achievements, you could also unlock gear for your XBLA Avatar by completing certain objectives in a given title.
Since then, not one game that I am aware of has implemented this. I did read somewhere that “Splosion Man” was actually the first, but I don’t give enough of a shit about Splosion Man to actually look into it. Anway, moving on…
The Avatar Awards drought will end with the release of Left 4 Dead 2, which will feature a handful of unlockable shirts that you can win and then clothe your avatar with, which is a much better alternative to spending actual real money on virtual clothes for them to wear. Finally, you can stop pretending that you own a sweet leather jacket and start dressing your avatar more like yourself in real life: A nerd that wears video game t-shirts in public.
The specific Avatar Awards that have been confirmed thus far are as follows:
Med Kit: Earned by beating all five campaigns.
Bull Shifters Shirt: earned by winning 10 games of Versus.
A Left 4 Dead 2 shirt: Earned by winning 10 games of Scavenge.
Zombie Hand Shirt: Earned by killing 10,000 Infected.
Depeche Mode Shirt: Earned by rescuing Gnome Chompski from the Dark Carnival.
It’s a nice gesture, but call me when I can equip my little dude with a bloody clown suit or an AK-47 or something radder than a shirt. Then we’ll really be onto something.
I recently saw Metallica perform live. It was the first time I had seen Metallica, so I was pretty excited. I showed up late missing both the opening bands, The Sword and Machine Head, both of which I might have been thrilled to see under normal circumstances.
The only thing on my mind was the mighty Metallica.
Upon walking in, I noticed a few things, the first being that there was a noticeable lack of attractive women. I had figured that, what with the watering down of Metallica’s songs as of late, this would open them up to more of an early-twenties, sorority girl crowd. Boy was I wrong… A handful of the run-of-the-mill, chubby teen girls, with Cannibal Corpse or Metallica T-shirts were about the only females under drinking age. There were also a few Midwest looking, chewed up and spit out, peroxide blonde chicks roaming around, fake boobs in the lead.
Some hambeasts at the show.
I also noticed that the beer stands were very few and far between, and damn it all to hell, they closed at 10 o’clock, only half way through Metallica’s two-hour set. Bullshit! Not only were there no garish 80s throwback chicks (like I’d assumed there would be), but I only got to drink 2 beers! Double bullshit.
Another thing I noticed were the endless kids running around in Metallica shirts. Did someone forget to send this generation the following memo:
“Don’t Wear The Shirt Of The Band You Are Going To See”
I was milling through an endless sea of slovenly teens, who appear to have been wearing their early 2000’s era Metallica shirts all week long, as if someone was going to pick them out of the crowd and greet them with, “Hey dude, nice shirt!” FAIL!!!! Every asshole here is wearing that shirt you f**ktard!
Metallidorks.
When I get to my seat, I take a look around. There are a few milfs here and there, a mother/daughter in front of us (the daughter screamed when they played “Nothing Else Matters”, but sat bored for a good portion of the show) and various kids and normal looking people. Just as the band breaks into a boisterous rendition of “Four Horsemen” two old people come pushing their way down the isle.
Is Xbox Live positioning itself to become the next Showtime?
By Jeremy Azevedo
Last week I had the pleasure of attending the Xbox “Night at the Movies” event at the Zune House in Hollywood. I showed up a little early so that I would have time to mess around with the two new casual party games that were being featured that night, “You’re in the Movies” and “Scene-It”.
We began with a few rounds of “You’re in the Movies”, which tasks you with playing mini games in front of a small camera, similarly to Sony’s “EyeToy”. It feels kind of like the home version of that old Nickelodeon game show, “Nick Arcade”, where kids pretended to be in a video game, jumping over pterodactyls and stuff in front of a green screen to win prizes. The game was pretty fun, especially with lots of people… but what really made it great was that, at the end of the game, all the footage from the various mini games is cut and pasted into a short film that makes comical usage of all the movements made in the previous events. The end result was never short of hilarious, and I could really see this being the sort of thing that finally cuts into the Wii’s stranglehold on the casual market. The only thing more fun than playing and watching other people play this game was watching the demonstrators feign manic enthusiasm, non-stop, for like four hours straight. Great job, smiling guy!
Do you think anyone will refer to it as “Urine the Movies”?
A couple of delicious scotch and sodas later, we played “Scene-It”, which I quite honestly didn’t expect to be all that different than the DVD board game I’d already played a million times. And yet I was wrong. Before long, my guest and I were jumping and flailing our excellently designed, game show-like remotes around, trash talking and mocking one another to such widely disparate films as “The Brady Bunch Movie” and “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid”. The game even allows other contestants to drop in and out at will, a very nice feature for longer games. I was impressed by the inclusion of some very cultish stuff, mixed in with the more modern, mainstream films. This version was an excellent mix of movie trivia, and a fun new approach to another classic party game. Read the rest of this entry →
Katy Perry, best known for singing a catchy song about hot girl-on-girl action (which was a hell of a lot more shocking in 1995 when actual lesbian Jill Sobule sang it), attempted a stunt at the Latin VMAs or some such bullshit that resulted in unexpected fail and LULZ:
Of course, I can’t be too mad at a chick who encourages girls to experiment with bisexuality, is totally fuckable, and whose song is already a staple at strip clubs across the nation… But I would be remiss in my duty if I failed to point out this hilariously epic fuckup to the many good people out there who actually do experience palpable hatred for the young lady, as well as those who just enjoy a good ‘ol fashioned slip n’ fall. Which includes pretty much everybody, amirite?
Part 2 of 2: Tommy on why he’s such an expert at criminal law
iJoke.com and CraveOnline present an exclusive performance by comedian Tommy Savitt! Tommy is like a double-agent of justice… He understands what it’s like to be on both sides of the law. But how is this knowledge going to help him score with chicks?
Check back soon for more exclusive live stand-up comedy!
