Mongo Nation

Like Deliverance, only with fewer banjos and more zombies.

By Jeremy Azevedo

Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

Even if you’ve never heard of Drac Studios before, you have no doubt seen quite a bit of their work. They have done special effects and makeup for everything from X-Men, Pirates of the Caribbean and Titanic on down to Ugly Betty, Friends and Power Rangers. These guys have had their hands in everything, and are just about unparalleled when it comes to the lost art of live SFX. It’s only fitting then, that they should dabble in a little full-scale production of their own.

Trailer Park of Terror, which is based on a comic series by the same name, is the first feature length, in-house production to come out of Drac Studios. As you can imagine, a horror film made by a shop that has been nominated many times for achievements in makeup and effects makes a lot of sense. Even on a smaller budget, it is possible for them to use their own resources to give make a horror picture look like it had a multi-million dollar effects budget. Horror fans expecting gruesome thrills, explicit torture scenes and horribly disfigured zombie/demon monsters will not be disappointed in the slightest.

Director Steven Goldmann, himself a country boy and a comic fan, took great care to infuse Trailer Park of Terror with actual Appalachian bumfuck Ozark American flavor, gathered in his experience as a prolific country music video director. Granted, much of that aesthetic was already present in the comics. But little touches, like the way one character is injected with salad dressing like a turkey about to be roasted, or more noticeable elements like the soundtrack, come from Goldmann’s influence.

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1. An unidentified monster approaches! Do you:

A. Try to run away, but trip and fall at least a half-dozen times?

B. Aim for the head?

C. Break out the holy water and or/call an exorcist?

D. Slip and fall into a trap door, which leads to a small chamber filled with buzz saws and electric drills that are slowly closing in on you.

2. You come from work one day to find blood dripping down the walls of your house. The source of this phenomenon appears to be:

A. A decapitated babysitter.

B. A half eaten corpse.

C. The house itself!

D. The victim of a rusty, man-sized mousetrap made of razor blades and barbed wire.

3. While making out with your fellow camp counselor, you are startled by a strange noise from outside your cabin… You cautiously peek around the corner to investigate and are greeted with:

A. An axe in your face.

B. An infectious bite to the neck.

C. A g-g-g-g-ghost!

D. A detonator to the bomb that was secretly implanted in your girlfriend’s heart. If you don’t activate it within 60 seconds, your own heart will explode instead.

4. Your are unable to start your car! How come?

A. Duh, because there’s a robed hitchhiker clawing at your window, so of course you dropped your keys on the floor.

B. Duh, because there are so goddamn many of those things clawing at you through the windows that you can’t get the key into the ignition.

C. Duh, because your steering wheel just magically turned into a poisonous snake.

D. Duh, because it’s underwater, and you have two minutes to solve a riddle before you drown in it.

5. You are home alone late at night when your phone rings. Who is on the other line?

A. Not sure, but the call appears to be coming from inside your own home!

B. Not sure, but they keep groaning and talking about brains or something…

C. Your dead father, and he sounds good and pissed.

D. An unidentified voice that informs you that if you don’t eat your own face, you’re going to be torn apart by thousands of rabid bobcats.

QUIZ RESULTS AFTER THE JUMP! Read the rest of this entry →

Chris and Sheva mow down an entire village, meet Baghead!

By Jeremy Azevedo

If you are reading this, you probably already know that Resident Evil 5 is looking like it’s going to be one of the best games of the year, or ever. Having played the game myself, I can tell you that these images are no joke, the game really looks like this in action.

In fact, RE5 almost looks better in action than it does in the cut scenes, which is a weird reversal of roles if ever there was one. Check out these new screens from the playable demo at E3 to see for yourself…

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Lloyd talks about his new film, “Poultrygeist”!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, is one of the pioneers of the B-movie subculture, responsible for countless hit cult movies such as The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD.

His newest film, “Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead” is perhaps his best yet, embodying the freedom of independent cinema as only Troma can.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Troma Entertainment, they are the longest running independent film studio in the history of cinema, with over 30 years of experience. Troma has been responsible for launching the careers of such notable entertainers as Matt Stone and Trey Parker, Kevin Costner, Samuel L. Jackson, and countless other actors, directors and musicians.

In our exclusive interview with Lloyd, he talks about the making of Poultrygeist, a film described by critics as “The Citizen Kane of undead fast food revenge comedy scat porn musical horror movies”:

The year’s best zombie/stripper movie thus far!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

This week’s film is “Zombie Strippers”, a movie that artfully combines two of every man’s favorite things: tits and zombies. Both as dumb as it sounds and infinitely more intelligent than you might expect, Zombie Strippers is exactly the kind of self-referential horror-comedy that pleases hardcore fans and casual enthusiasts of the genre equally.

Robert Englund about to get a lap dance from Marilyn Manson?

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Rock N’ Roll, Blood, Guts, and Sluts!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is a new irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc.

Unlike the 300 million dollar nuclear turds that you probably enjoy bitching about on Monday mornings to your little friends, these slightly smaller, much less costly turds can actually be a lot of fun.

This week’s feature film is “Attitude For Destruction”, a movie that combines the origin of everybody’s favorite Sunset Strip cock rock band, Guns N’ Roses, with a Satan worshiping blood soaked titty flashing zombie picture and a $40 budget. The film stars the singer of real life Guns N’ Roses cover band (Hollywood Roses) front man, Colby Veil, as a scorned band mate, murdered in cold blood by his band mates over a record deal.

I have this dream, like, every night. Is that weird?

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Cloverfield what?

By Jeremy Azevedo

With 2005’s “Land of the Dead”, George Romero disproved the old adage that “like pizza, there’s no such thing as a bad zombie movie”.

This year, the tarnished master of zombie horror will attempt to reclaim his title with “Diary of the Dead”, a retelling of the original “Night of the Living Dead” movie from the perspective of a student filmmaker who happens to be at ground zero when the zombie outbreak begins.

That cameraman looks pretty calm for someone that’s about to be devoured by a zombie/electrical tape mummy of some sort.

As much as I liked “Cloverfield” for what it was, I don’t think I could sit through another jerky, out of focus, motion sickness inducing horror movie this decade. Thankfully, “Diary of the Dead” features semi-professional fictional cameramen as opposed to the amateur fictional cameramen in “Cloverfield”. This allows Romero to tell the story from a unique perspective while still retaining the stark, evil, cinematic look that is present in all of his horror offerings.

Om nom nom nom nom!

“Diary of the Dead” will be released theatrically on February 15 of this year, giving you plenty of time to consult your Zombie Survival Guide and get that whole Valentine’s Day thing out of the way so you can concentrate on what really matters: Good old fashioned zombies that neither run nor play musical instruments, talk, shoot guns or drive cars. Zombies from a better time in which the undead swarmed their victims with sheer numbers and impossible diligence in their quest to consume the flesh of the living.

Check out the trailer for “Diary of the Dead” on Shocktillyoudrop.com!

If this is what evolution leads to, I don’t wanna believe in it either!

By Jeremy Azevedo

You may or may not have recently heard mention of a movie called “Teeth”, a film that is garnering a fair share of attention due to its very bizarre premise.

Essentially it’s a modern take on the ancient tale of the “vagina dentata”. That’s right, it’s a movie about a vagina with teeth. That bites men. On the penis.

Now, if you’re the kind of person that finds merit in the absurd, like I am, you might be asking yourself, “How could you go wrong with a movie about a vagina with teeth?” The short answer is that you really can’t. This is obviously a must see movie simply because of the fact that it exists. So the real question is, what should I expect when I go to see this film?

I’ll tell you what not to expect. Despite the filmmakers’ claims that “Teeth” is an indie film, sometimes indie just means low budget. This is not a film with the production quality and/or comedic chops of a film like “Scream” or “Shaun of the Dead”. It’s not even on par with “Club Dread”. It’s also not the dark and bloody revenge fantasy that “I Spit on your Grave” once was. If I had to compare “Teeth” to any movie, it’d be something more like “Dr. Giggles” or “Ice Cream Man”. It’s like one of those old school slashers with insane premises that played it straight as an arrow despite every temptation to go the comedic route.

What “Teeth” does right is that it manages to be entertaining throughout, even going so far as to create some really creepy moments between the main protagonist and her cult-like Christian youth group peers, as well as some uncomfortably incestuous moments with her anally obsessed brother. And you’ll die when you see the obvious but nevertheless awesome scene at the gynecologist’s office. I really can’t think of any good reason why everyone shouldn’t go see this movie, if for no other reason than out of good old-fashioned morbid curiosity.

RATING: 7 out of 10

8 Films To Die For…

After Dark Horrorfest is back again this year, with eight new films that buck the current Hollywood trends and give horror fans what they really want: Wholly original, genuinely terrifying movies from some of the hottest new voices in the genre. If you’re a real horror enthusiast, or just looking for a movie that will have your date clinging to you for dear life, then check out any or all of the following films playing November 9-18 on 300 screens across the country.

The easiest way to buy individual tickets for any of the After Dark Horrorfest movies. Just click the link for the theater nearest you: HORRORFEST THEATERS.

THE DEATHS OF IAN STONE

On an otherwise ordinary night, the young Ian Stone encounters a mysterious creature and is forced him into the path of an oncoming train. Rather than facing certain death, Ian finds himself reborn into a new life that feels strangely familiar. After his second death, it becomes apparent that Ian is being hunted by an evil presence, and will be forced to die every day until he can solve the mystery of his own life.

NIGHTMARE MAN

After receiving a mysterious mask, Ellen Morris believes she was attacked by an evil being she calls ‘Nightmare Man’. Her husband, Bill, believes she is crazy. On their way to the mental hospital their car breaks down and Bill goes to get gas, leaving Ellen alone. When Nightmare Man appears, Ellen takes off into the woods, unsure whether she is hallucinating or not. She stumbles upon a cabin filled with friends who unknowingly becoming prey the moment Ellen steps inside.

UNEARTHED

After a sinister crash occurs off the highway of a small desert town, things take a horrific turn for its residents. As people vanish and nature dies, the local sheriff investigates, only to discover that the fate of her town rests just below the earth.

BORDERLAND

When three Texas University students travel to a Mexican border town on the eve of their graduation, the last thing they expect is to face their own deaths.

Without warning, they fall prey to an ancient blood cult hellbent on finding candidates for human sacrifice. Based on true events, Borderland tells a story which blends the raw fear of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with the stark reality of In Cold Blood, evoking a world soaked in paranoia, fear, and dread.

MULBERRY STREET

The city that never sleeps may shut its eyes for good when a deadly infection turns its residents to savage creatures. There is only hope for a small few, including six recently evicted tenants who must protect their crumbling apartment complex as the city around them is thrown into chaos..

TOOTH & NAIL

A small group of survivors in a post-apocalyptic world take refuge in an empty hospital with plans on re-building society. They rescue a young girl who is the victim of a brutal attack, but soon discover that they were followed by a savage band of cannibals known as Rovers. The Rovers begin to kill them one by one, and the trapped survivors must find a way to outwit their stalkers.

CRAZY EIGHTS

Six people are brought together at the funeral of a childhood friend. While settling the estate, they discover a map, which leads them on a search for a long forgotten time capsule, at the request of their dead friend. What they discover reawakens repressed childhood traumas and leads them on a journey through their long abandoned childhood home: a home with a terrible secret and a mysterious dead girl who will lead them to their strange fates.

LAKE DEAD

Three beautiful sisters learn of a long lost grandfather, but only make this discovery upon the news of his grisly death. Enticed to visit grandpa’s old home after hearing of an inheritance, the sister’s head to the back country with some friends. We quickly follow the group of friends through the gates of a redneck infested hell. The psychotic family occupying the inherited property goes on a long awaited, and much enjoyed killing spree. As the family’s twisted motives unravel, the sisters discover a terror worse than death.

Ten more cult films to get you through the holidays!

ow that there is a writer’s strike going on, and the holiday movies have yet to start pouring in, what’s a person to watch on their new 407 inch HDTV? I mean, how many times can you really watch “Transformers” or “Pirates” before the initial “wow” factor turns to bitter disappointment and disinterest? You’ll be glad to know that we have compiled yet another list of awesome cult films that you are guaranteed to want to watch over and over again (if you aren’t too emotionally scarred the first time). Rest assured that these straight-to-video gems will tickle your fancy so hard that you’ll want to take a shower afterward, and never waste your time watching TV doctor dramas again!

Cult Cinema: The alpha and omega of cinematic sleaze.

#10 I Spit On Your Grave

Kind of like that one scene from “Deliverance”, only stretched out over two hours.

“I Spit on Your Grave” may just be the raddest title ever given to a movie. This alone should be enough to warrant the viewing of this film! Which is not to say that there are not other perfectly good reasons. “I Spit on Your Grave” is of the most controversial films ever made, drawing such scorn and disgust from movie critics that it was banned in several countries upon it’s release. To this day, fat-ass film geek Roger Ebert calls it “the worst movie ever made”, dude to it’s strict adherence to the three R’s: Rape, Revenge, and Retards. Watch for yourself and be your own judge, but beware, “I Spit on Your Grave” is not for the squeamish! The notorious castration scene will make even the most hardcore horror fans cover their eyes!

B-Movie Clichés: Tits, revenge, rape, castration, sodomy, scary rednecks, torture, ax murder.

WTF Quote: Andy: Y’know, sometimes I look at these gorgeous-looking chicks, I mean the ones that look like real knockouts, sexy and all… and I wonder… I wonder if they gotta take a shit, too.

Stanley: Hey, all women shit. Women are full of shit.

#9 Ichi The Killer

Believe it or not, this isn’t even the goriest scene in the movie, not by a long shot.

Of the nearly 100 splatterhouse movies directed by iconic Japanese director, Takashi Miike, Ichi the Killer is perhaps the best known in the states, and for good reason. Masochistic yakuza hitman Kakihara is one of the most sadistic villains in cinema, whose savagery is rivaled only by Ichi, a sexually repressed, totally unstable, murderous psychopathic man-child. “Ichi the Killer” somehow manages to combine some of the goriest scenes imaginable with strangely comical performances and dialogue in ways that would make Quentin Tarantino jealous. “Ichi” is worth seeing for the suspended fishhooks and hot oil torture scene alone.

B-Movie Clichés: Arterial blood spray, tits, gangsters, revenge, sadomasochism, exploding guts, torture, rape, misunderstood monsters, bizarre humor, evil adversary, everybody knows karate, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Kakihara: Listen, when you’re giving pain to someone, don’t think about the pain that person is feeling. Just concentrate on how good it feels to be causing someone pain. That’s the best thing you can do for a true masochist!

#8 Street Trash

What’s grosses than an exploding bum? How about an exploding bum, melting into a public toilet?

“Street Trash” is probably the best, if not only, homeless action adventure horror comedy of the last 100 years. The funny thing about the homeless people in this movie, which was made in the 80’s, is that they all look exactly like the privileged Hollywood hipsters of today. Go figure! In “Street Trash”, a lovable transient date rapist is caught in a power struggle between a psychotic Vietnam vet that presides over his own personal junkyard gang and the hard-ass cop that wants to bring him down. Throw into the mix cheap local liquor that melts hobos from the inside out and you have the makings of the dirtiest, slimiest gore-fest around.

B-Movie Clichés: Homeless heroes, plucky detective, paranoid kid, psychopathic Vietnam vet, tits, evil adversary, exploding guts, racial insensitivity, rape, implied rape, drugs, bizarre humor, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Bill The Cop: Lady, I ain’t so sure you don’t have a cock.

#7 The Human Tornado

In simpler times, all disagreements were solved with a vigorous karate match.

The Human Tornado is actually part of a series of “Dolemite” movies, that truly encapsulate the blaxploitation genre that Shaft and Superfly helped to build. The Human Tornado is like a Samuel L. Jackson family reunion, with more cussing, jive-talking, pimp slapping and awkwardly performed karate than is even humanly conceivable. Rudy Ray Moore is awesome as a rapping, ass kicking, babe slaying hustler that clashes with the mafia for trying to shake down his top girl, Queen Bee’s nightclub.

B-Movie Clichés: Everybody knows karate, sexy sidekick, revenge, racial insensitivity, sex, gangsters, tits, embarrassing appearances by now famous celebrities, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Dolemite: He think he’s bad and ain’t got no class! I’m gon’ rock this shotgun up his muthaf**kin’ ass!
#6 Basket Case

This is why you should never schedule a doctors appointment on Halloween.

One theme that is recurrent in cult films is bitter, pissed off, homicidal, deformed Siamese twins separated at birth from their otherwise normal siblings. Belial is one such creature, who sneaks out of his basket to murder his bumpkin brother Duane’s dates and acquaintances in the bloodiest of ways. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a bodiless flipper baby with a mongoloid head rip the face off of some unexpecting sucker/victim!

B-Movie Clichés: Freaks, bizarre humor, sex, ax murder, buckets of blood, misunderstood monsters, revenge, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Josephine: What’s in the basket?
Duane Bradley: [laughs] My brother!

#5 Shakes The Clown

Alcoholic clowns: Maybe a pony would be a better choice for your child’s birthday party?

“Shakes the Clown” is the Citizen Kane of alcoholic Clown movies. That’s what it says on the back of the box, and I have to agree that this is true. The underrated genius of Bobcat Goldthwait stars alongside such past and present greats as Julie Brown, Adam Sandler and Kathy Griffin in what may be one of the most comprehensive looks at the party clown lifestyle ever committed to film. Even Robin Williams makes an appearance as the instructor of a troupe of mimes, the natural prey of party clowns (who are in turn the natural prey of rodeo clowns). Even if you’re retarded, and doubt the comedic range of Bobcat, I assure you that “Shakes the Clown” is hilarious from start to finish.

B-Movie Clichés: Bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, acute alcoholism, embarrassing appearances by now famous celebrities, clowns, gangsters, evil adversary.

WTF Quote: Shakes the Clown: I could quit drinking any time I want. This one time, I quit for a whole month! Dink the Clown: Shakes, that doesn’t count, man, you were in a coma. With alcohol poisoning!

#4 Big Trouble in Little China

Kim Catrell and Kurt Russel illustrating why the revival of 80’s fashion must be brought to a stop before it’s too late.

It’s hard to pick just one cult movie starring Kurt Russell and/or directed by John Carpenter. But if pressed, I would have to go with “Big Trouble in Little China”. This is a movie with something for everyone: Love, karate, machine guns, monsters, comedy, the supernatural, everything. Kurt Russell is basically the greatest action star of all time, and “Big Trouble” serves up some of the best death sequences you will ever see. This is a “can’t miss” movie, even if the bad guy that looks like famous character actor Gary Oldman is not actually Gary Oldman.

B-Movie Clichés: Evil adversary, gangsters, homeless heroes, misunderstood monsters, wise old dude, sexy sidekick, useless sidekick, exploding guts, everybody knows karate, bizarre humor, freaks, climactic showdown, John Carpenter, Kurt Russell

WTF Quote: Jack Burton: Hey, I’m a reasonable guy. But I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things.

#3 Orgazmo

This picture defies the need for a snarky caption.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker have given us so many good movies and TV shows, bless their hearts. But somehow, this particular gem of a movie often goes unrecognized for no good goddamn reason. Orgazmo is the story of a naïve young Mormon turned porn star turned superhero. Trey Parker stars as the titular character, Joe young, whose faith is tested by an industry that is sorely lacking in moral fiber. With the help of his sidekick, “Choda Boy”, and his “Orgazmorator” ray, young Joe must infiltrate Maxxx Orbison’s porno mafia to win back his fiancée and his Mormon pride!

B-Movie Clichés: Tits, evil adversary, useless sidekick, racial insensitivity, bizarre humor, sex, sodomy, everybody knows karate, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Dave the Lighting Guy: Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?
Joe Young: Oh yeah, the Greek mythology.
Dave the Lighting Guy: Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think unicorns are kick ass!

#2 Dead Alive

Dead Alive: Probably spent twice the budget on fake blood than for everything else combined.

The lawnmower scene in this movie is the goriest scene ever filmed. Period. How Peter Jackson ever got someone to give him 300 bazillion dollars to make hobbit movies after producing a string of gross out, low budge zombie flicks like this is beyond anyone’s grasp. When a Sumatran rat-monkey infects pussy mama’s boy New Zealander Lionel’s mother with a zombie virus, all hell breaks loose as he tries to keep her from eating the whole goddamn town. I can safely say that this film is batshit crazy, if not for the zombie babies, ninja priests and pathetic John Arbuckle love story between Lionel and his neighbor, Paquita, than at least for the scene in which a mutated super zombie form of Lionel’s mother tries to return him to her womb.

B-Movie Clichés: Zombies, ax murder, arterial spray, exploding guts, buckets of blood, bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, Oedipus complex.

WTF Quote: Paquita Maria Sanchez: Your mother ate my dog!
Lionel Cosgrove: Not all of it.

#1 Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

If you don’t love Pee-Wee, than the terrorists have already won.

Believe it or not, this movie is actually a remake of Vittorio De Sica’s Italian neo-realist classic, “The Bicycle Thief”. In a way, that makes all the low brow, family friendly dick and fart jokes even more amusing! Everything about this movie manages to be funny and creepy at the same time, a combination that would make director Tim Burton and composer Danny Elfman shit-tons money in the future. Paul Rubens at the height of Pee
Wee Herman fame commits entirely to a character so weird that Jim Carrey would sell his soul to be even a shadow of. If you don’t believe that Paul Rubens is a genius among entertainers just because he likes happened to have a jack attack in a porno theater one day, than you are a tard. Everyone, especially dorks who love Tim Burton’s crappy puppet movies but have never seen one of his actual films, should own this movie.

B-Movie Clichés: Bizarre humor, freaks, misunderstood monsters, Tim Burton, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Pee-wee: There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand. Dottie: I don’t understand…

If you enjoyed this list, check out the first Top 10 Cult Movies article HERE.