Mongo Nation

The week in news, filtered through Internet Hate Machine!

By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Sooooo… Let me see if I have this straight: Notable asshole, multi-millionaire and former guitarist of Gn’R most in need of a haircut from this century is talking shit on the unfortunately named blogger, “Skwerl”, that leaked Chinese Democracy on the Internets awhile back? Seriously?

Slash was quoted recently as saying that the leak “is going to affect the sales of the record, it’s not fair” and that he “hopes he (Skwerl) rots in jail”. WTF? Hurt the sales? WHAT FUCKING SALES, YOU STUPID BASTARD?! THE ALBUM IS NEVER GOING TO FUCKING COME OUT! And since when does Slash give a shit about Axl all of the sudden? He’s been talking shit on him for like 15 years. The same 15 years that Axl has been farting around on the studio working on his mysterious “masterpiece”. When Skwerl posted the tracks, it was like seeing fucking Bigfoot live, in the flesh. If anything, it may have lit a fire under Axl’s ass to actually finish the goddamn record already, so technically, Skwerl has just saved the label untold millions of dollars if you really think about it.

Oh man. This guy is making me so pissed, I need to change the subject before my hands jump through the screen against my will and strangle you as you read this.

The media is having a field day digging up dirt on Sarah Palin because they are all liberals and also because they think women belong in the kitchen and not in the White House… I, for one, think that their investigative efforts are being focused in entirely the wrong direction. I hereby officially declare “Rule 34” on Sara Palin! Rule 34 states that “If it exists, there is porn of it. No Exceptions”. Get to work, leftist America! At least some good may come out of your incongruously woman-hating hippy bullshit agenda!

If you work in the online industry in any capacity, you may have noticed how afraid many advertisers are to move forward with any video project that does not involve some minor TV celebrity in some capacity, no matter how talentless or obscure they may be. Recently, I have been noticing this trend bleeding into my video games, infecting them with fail. Kim Kardashin, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in “Face Breakers”? A whole goddamn game in which Nelly Furtado and Keith Urban play dodgeball and badminton against LeAnn Rimes and Fergie? Say it ain’t so! Pray to J that this trend gets squashed ASAP, unless you want your future to include paying $75 (adjusted for budget inflation) for a copy of Legend of Zelda starring Brody Jenner or maybe a new Tomb Raider starring Tila Tequila.

The Ghostbusters game, despite being billed as the “official” sequel to the movies, written by and starring the original cast, has been postponed and possibly even cancelled. Then we come to find that the producers of The Office are running their mouths about writing a sequel themselves, probably as a CGI animated movie because Bill Murray won’t do a live action Ghostbusters. So instead of playing a rad CGI game about Ghostbusters written by Ramis and Akroyd, we are expected to settle for watching a bullshit CGI movie by two assholes whose greatest achievement to date has been ripping off a sitcom from BBC television? This better be a lie. If I am denied the joy of pretending that my Wiimote is a particle beam accelerator because of this, I’m going to be good and pissed! Like even more so than usual, I mean.

Hugs,
The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Ghostbusters canceled? Aerosmith selling? Jet Grind Radio returns?

By Ted Hucklebuck

Activision is unloading tons of Sierra published properties from their release schedule, some of which are real shockers. On the cutting room floor, but not necessarily gone for good are Ghosbusters (WHAT?!) and Brutal Legend (YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME). Nooooooooo! Say it ‘aint so!

The Bourne franchise has officially been offloaded, and Wet (which was starting to look really good, too), some game called Zombie Wranglers and the latest Chronicles of Riddick, World in Conflict, Leisure Suit Larry and 50 Cent games are all totally shit-canned for now.

What games survived the culling? Prototype, Crash Bandicoot and Spyro. Seriously? The official motherf**king sequel to Ghostbusters cut in exchange for Crash Bandicoot?! Unbelievable. Someone better pick these titles up soon before we miss out on some really great games. Except for 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. That one’s just retarded. It’s like 50 Cent and his “homies” killing terrorists in Iraq or something. I swear I did not just make that up.

What kind of world is this in which a game like Brutal Legend not a publisher’s first priority?

In other news, Guitar Hero: Aerosmith inexplicably sold over 1 bajillion copies, despite the fact that no one has given a crap about Aerosmith for at least 100 years. This has prompted Activision (them again?) to jack themselves off publicly over all the bands that are now going to have their own Guitar Hero editions in the future, like Metallica and Van Halen. Because if there’s anything people don’t like, it’s variety, right guys? This sort of thing should be downloadable content at best, not stand alone games. Amirite?

Lastly, word on the street is that Sega is going to be developing a new Jet Grind Radio game for the Wii. For those of you who are not smart enough to know this already and need to be told, Jet Grind Radio for the Dreamcast is one of the best games ever made, and there hasn’t been a sequel of any kind in forever. This is great news for Wii owners that have nothing to play but lame ports of PS2 games and ugly, offline stepbrother versions of Xbox 360 and PS3 games.

Could Rambo and the Karate Kid be far behind?

By Jeremy Azevedo

When I was a little boy, I would drop whatever I was doing and dance along whenever I heard the “Ghostbusters” theme song…

Seeing these pictures from the new Ghostbusters game takes me back to those times. In what is essentially the official sequel to the first two films, all of the original Ghostbusters will be making their return in Ghostbusters: The Game. We’re talking about Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson and all of the major supporting characters (save for Rick Moranis, who has yet to recover from the tragic loss of his testicles as a reult of one too many “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” movies).

Written by Ramis and Akroyd themselves, the new game puts you in the shoes of a rookie experimental equipment technician (guinea pig) joining the Ghostbusters to combat the latest supernatural threat to New York City. The following images are from the Xbox 360/PS3 version of the game, which is vastly superior to the Wii version in terms of visuals. But I wouldn’t discredit the cool factor that is bound to result from using your Wiimote as a proton blaster, which is exactly the kind of thing that the Wii was designed for!

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