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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 0

Posted on July 14, 2009 by jeremyazevedo

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Will the Transformers have Revenge on the haters, or have they Fallen on bad times?

By Jeremy Azevedo
Having not seen the movie on account of my personal boycott of any movie longer than two hours that has absolutely no business being that long, my response to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as a video game is not in any way influenced by the movie.

I’m not sure if that fact helps or hinders my opinion of the game. But judging by what most of my friends though of the movie, I’m guessing it’s a good thing because I found myself spending a lot of time with the game despite it’s flaws.

Like the previous Transformers game from the first movie, Revenge of the Fallen gives you the choice to play as either an Autobot or a Decepticon. I always found the bad guys terribly much more interesting, so of course I went with the Decepticons. After a somewhat straightforward tutorial, I jumped into my first couple of missions with a thirst for Autobot blood that was soon tempered by the many unforeseen limitations of my Decepticon programming. My weapons kept overheating, my targeting was all over the place, and I couldn’t get the hang of doing advanced melee attacks to save my life. Seriously, hold down the right trigger, then hold down B, then let go of the trigger but keep holding B, and then hit the trigger again to keep driving… WTF? Too many buttons, man. Crazy talk.

Eventually I got my weapon systems online and upgraded, and began making headway in the game. I got good at sniping, but didn’t really figure out how to properly charge my secondary weapons for most of the game, on account of the fact that it takes like seven seconds to do so and that the audio cue comes about two seconds before the visual cue. I thought about quitting, but then I unlocked Starscream (for whom there was no jet-flight tutorial, btw), followed by Megatron, both of whom were significantly more awesome to play as than their lackeys. Although I will say this: I was very disappointed by the voice work! Everyone expect Megatron sounded exactly the same, lines were repeated, and even the volume was uneven. I understand that they decided against the classic Starscream voice in the movie but that was their mistake, and could have been corrected here.

After completing the game as a Decepticon I had a go at the Autobots, noticing right away that they were not only better voiced, but stronger. I don’t know if it was my imagination or if I had just gotten much better at the game, but the Autobots just seemed to be more agile and their weapons appear to do more damage than those of their evil adversaries. It’s a good thing too, because the Autobots have a couple of huge bosses to fight that the Decepticons don’t. The upgrades really started pouring in once I got the hang of the more advanced moves, although I must say that at the end of the day, the missions for both factions were nearly identical and I lost interest very quickly after the first few. But Megan Fox and Shia Labeouf’s voice-overs were worth a laugh, at least.

If you really love Transformers, there is enough fan service to keep you playing in the form of new characters, upgradeable powers, appropriate weaponry for each bot, unlockable cartoon episodes, pretty decent flying and driving control and a robust Autobot Vs. Decepticon multiplayer mode. Non-fans will probably not be impressed, however, as the game is admittedly plagued by sound and control issues, shitty voice acting, a dumb story, uneven difficulty and repetitiveness. My advice is to ask yourself how much you really like Transformers and proceed from there.

In conclusion, I award Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 7 out of 10 Unicorns Fighting a Robot Dolphin:

+ 1 if you really enjoy pretending to be Optimus Prime, whetther it be in a game, in real life, or even in bed if it comes right down to it.
-1 if you have a phobia about robots or whatever.

New “Watchmen: The End Is Nigh” Game Pics! 0

Posted on November 20, 2008 by jeremyazevedo

Why watch the Watchmen when you can play them instead?

By Jeremy Azevedo
Pics from the new Watchmen game are beginning to leak on the internet, along with more detailed info as to what kind of game it’s even going to be.

Surprisingly, it’s being developed for Warner Bros Interactive by Danish developer “Deadline Games”, a relatively unproven studio that up until now has specialized in making action games about shooting Mexicans (Total Overdose, Chili Con Carnage… yeah I haven’t really heard of those either). Even more surprisingly, it’s being released as digitally downloadable only, episodic content, a first for the industry when it comes to high profile movie tie-ins. Not at all surprisingly (again, it is a movie tie-in after all) Watchmen appears to be primarily a beat-em-up rather than the story-driven, detective adventure game one might expect from this particular franchise. We’ll reserve judgment until we see the final product for ourselves, but until then, check out these new pics:


Nite Owl getting his ass beat by a gang of Top-Knots Read the rest of this entry →

First Look: Sega’s Iron Man Game 0

Posted on October 30, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

A first look st the new game based on the upcoming film.

Despite the fact that Activision has held the Iron Man license for years now, Sega has recently taken the license over and will be the sole publisher of any and all Iron Man games based on the movie and/or comic.Hopefully this does not have an effect on the upcoming Marvel MMORPG that has been in development, or any sequels that may span from Activision’s Marvel: Ultimate Alliance franchise.

Check out the first screen shots from Sega’s new Iron Man game, which will be based on the upcoming feature film:


Nerd Parade! 0

Posted on October 25, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Holy crap, cosplay pictures from this year’s E For All!

Of all the world’s nerds, none is more entertaining to the eye than the cosplayer. Cosplayers are the people that show up at every convention you’ve ever seen or attended, dressed up like their favorite video game, comic book or TV characters. They differ from furries in that they are not known to engage in perverse sexual acts that defy the laws of nature and decency.

Some have theorized that they dress up merely to show off how creative they are at costume design, while still others have surmised that they suffer from a chemical imbalance of the brain that forces them to think that every day is Halloween time.

At this year’s E For All videogame exhibition, we had a chance to photograph some of these wondrous creatures in their natural habitat…


Smokin’ hot Lara Croft w/ some kinda robot dude and one of 1,000 sexually ambiguous Final fantasy dudes.


2 hot chicks from Guitar Hero, giving me “star power” in my pants.


Nerd Parade group photo!


Cloud: “Mine’s bigger than this.” Spider-Man: “How do I shot web?”


Another glorious Nerd parade group photo.


Holy Jesus, this Alucard is creepy as hell…


I am unable to determine the gender of half of these people. Nice shields though!


Even amongst nerds, there are subsets of even dweebier nerds, as is illustrated here.


That Lara Croft is probably the only one getting paid for this. I’d like to raid her tomb!


That’s either Sephiroth from FFVII or the lead singer of White Lion.


Science is still unable to explain what would ever possess a tasty babe like this to dress up like a character from a Spider-Man comic.


Dante from “Devil May Cry” making a vaguely inappropriate gesture towards Link.


Final Fantasy nerds are perhaps the most common type of cosplayer.


These cosplayers are wearing more spandex and leather than an aerobics class made up entirely of gay bikers.


Wow. If I was Link, I’d save myself the trouble and let Gannon have her.


Sadly, there was not even one slutty, obscenely endowed Dead Or Alive chick anywhere to be found.

Click HERE for a LULZY article about Day 1 at the E For All. Click HERE for Day 2!

Viva Caligula! 0

Posted on October 10, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Engage in homicidal blasphemy on your lunchbreak at work!

In the tradition of such great flash games as “Orphan Feast” and “5 Minute to Kill (Yourself)”, Adult Swim brings us “Viva Caligula”, a celebration of offensiveness and gore starring one of history’s greatest sociopaths, Caligula!

The object of Viva Caligula is to collect 26 different weapons (one for each letter of the alphabet) in order to unlock the “Orgy Room”. Some of my personal favorites include a beehive that can be thrown at opponents, a necromancy ability that brings the corpses of your fallen enemies to life, and a dead bear that you use to claw people’s faces off. You can even freeze enemies by exposing your manhood!

Chopping the citizenry of Rome into pieces is a scream, and speaking of screaming, Viva Caligula supports a microphone function that allows you to scream in order to power up Caligula’s rage meter, rendering him a furious and unstoppable homicidal maniac. A useful map feature makes sure that you don’t get lost, and cries of terror ring out against the pleasantly exhilarating music.

If you’ve got a few minutes to kill (and kill, and kill…), I strongly recommend that you check out Viva Caligula.



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