Mongo Nation

Exciting new technology in the field of advanced drunkology

By Larry “Stretchnuts” Johnson

If you’re like me, the main problem that you face over the holiday weekend isn’t the traffic, or the overcrowded campsites, or the hungry, pissed-off bears… It’s the drinking.

You just can’t get drunk fast enough! The beer sweats out of you as fast as you can drink it, and the liquor is all lukewarm and gross. Also, there’s nothing to mix it with because you didn’t have room for soda in the cooler on account of all the aforementioned beer you packed. Lucky for us, Jagermeister has the solution!

The new Jagermeister 6 Bottle Shot Cooler is a cooler specifically designed to produce ice cold shots of Jag on the go. Perfect for camping, or even at the home or office! Four bottles can be stored in the chiller, while two more affix to a tap. A tap! In a cooler! It even has a little compartment inside that holds 50 shot cups. Yeah, 50 should about do it.

If you can’t get rip-roaring drunk off of 50 shots of ice cold and delicious Jagermeister, than maybe you should see a doctor or something, because you probably have an extra liver and there are starving boozehounds in third world countries that don’t even have one. So stop being so greedy and remember to drink responsibly!

Summertime is every guy’s favorite time of year. You’ve got your camping, your barbeques, your girls in bikinis, your frosty beverages, your swimming pools… There really isn’t much of a downside to it, is there? But in order to properly enjoy your summer, sometimes you need gadgets. Gadgets make everything easier! Have you ever tried making a waffle with your bare hands? It can’t be done! With that in mind, we’ve put together a list of some of the coolest gadgets that would make for an even more awesome summer this year:

Seabob

The Seabob is the closest thing you can get to genetically splicing your DNA with that of a dolphin. This underwater propulsion device will allow you to haul ass above or below water for hours, all for the low cost of $10,000 or so plus taxes, shipping, customs, etc. Ok so actually it’s not all that cheap, but it’s still pretty awesome if you happen to be a rich dude that spends a lot of time in the water or needs to be able to outrun a shark or whatever.

Cruzin Cooler - Rideable 3-Wheeled Cooler

You take a big-ass cooler full of delicious frosty beverages, you weld it to a motorized 3-wheeled scooter and you’ve got yourself a Cruzin Cooler, possibly the most bitchen summer gadget of all time. Imagine rolling into the party on what basically amounts to a Rascal Scooter filled with beer and five-layer dip! It even comes in a non-motorized version for you cheapskates out there, which kind of defeats the purpose. Bonus cool points to you if you paint yours to look like one of the cars from the Fat and Furious movies or better yet, the van from the A-Team!

Frontgate Outdoor Solar Wireless Speaker

This wireless speaker runs on sunshine, so you don’t have to worry about bringing batteries and chargers with you on your camping trip. It has a built in radio, which will do you absolutely no good out in the woods where you might actually use something like this, but it does connect to your iPod. Too bad it doesn’t charge your iPod too, but then, you can’t have everything. At least, not unless you’re the kind of person that can afford a Seabob, that is.

Poolside Pong

Poolside Pong is just like regular Beer Pong, only now you can play it in the pool so you don’t have to clean all that spilled beer off the floor or whatever. You’re already most likely swimming in someone’s pee, may as well swim in beer too. Plus: all the girls will have to play in bikinis! There is just no downside to this.

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What it lacks in vowels, it more than makes up for in style.

By Jeremy Azevedo

With all the hundreds of crappy iPod speakers to choose from, it’s easy to pick one that doesn’t work as advertised or leaves you generally underwhelmed.

The Livespeakr is perhaps the first portable speaker I’ve come across that actually does everything that it says it can do, provided that you have an iPhone or an iPod Touch (Minis, Nanos, etc. are not supported by this speaker system).

Now you might say “Hey WTF do you mean the Livespeakr doesn’t support my Nano? Why can’t they include like an adaptor or something?” To which I would answer, “Hey asshole, why don’t you save your questions until the end of the article? I’m trying to tell you why right now, man.” You see, the Livespeakr is designed specifically for the iPhone or iPod Touch because it’s not just a speaker. It’s also a Transformer. Not one that turns into, like, a vehicle or a robot or anything, though it does have three distinct forms.

An artist’s rendering of the Livespeakr mid-transformation.

In its first position, the Livespeakr acts as your usual speaker dock, with the iPod sitting upright between the two speakers. It sounds great, and you can turn it up loud enough to annoy the living shit out of the guys fishing next to you (like I did) without experiencing any distortion. (Protip: Fish love loud music!) If you happen to be using an iPhone, this position also works great as a speakerphone on your desk or whatever. It doesn’t really work for hands free calling in your car where you’d actually need it, but it’s nice to know that you could conceivably talk on the phone to your girlfriend while using both your hands to surf porn or play video games or whatever it is that you do with your hands when they aren’t glued to your iPhone.

Guess what else? You can flip your Livespeakr sideways for optimal video viewing too! This is great for watching movies while driving: You just set your car on cruise control and set the Livespeakr on your dashboard. Catch up on Dexter while you commute to work! This is also great if you can’t afford a TV because you spent all your money on an iPod Touch… It’s just like having a flat screen LCD or Plasma only much, much smaller.

The Livespeakr works great next to the pool, or a ceramic pigeon.

When you’re done with your Livespeakr, you can fold it up like a switchblade, and store it in the handy little velvet carrying case that it comes with. The velvet also feels really nice against your face, unless you have a beard, in which case you probably couldn’t even feel it. Your loss, man. But bearded or not, anyone with an iPhone or iPod Touch should purchase this handy device, which is a lot of fun to transform back and forth until your girlfriend tells you to “stop making that clicking noise like some kind of retard”. I’m telling you, the Livespeakr goes so loud you’ll be all like “What?! I can’t hear you!” and keep on doing it. Recommended!

Great looking, but does it sound good?

By Jeremy Azevedo

It took me quite awhile to get around to hooking up the Scandyna Micropod speakers, as they are a bit of a pain in the ass to put together. The docking device comes with several different iPod connectors, each of them numbered 1 through 7. Unfortunately, the manual informs me that the proper connecter for a Nano is number 8.

Um, okay… Speaker wires are not included, and even if they were, the method of connecting them is bizarre, at best. Maybe they have different cables in Sweden or wherever the hell these are from, but it’s just not what I’m used to.

Once I got them hooked up, I had to admit that these speakers are some great looking units. The dock is small and unassuming, but the speakers themselves are very stylish, and fit in nicely with my aggressively modern Ikea home furnishings. Why every electronics company doesn’t make some effort to put a little more thought into visual design like this, I cannot even begin to imagine

The first song I tested on the Scandyna Micropod speakers was “I Can’t Go For That” by the magnificent Hall & Oates. The clarity was so great that I could almost feel John Oates’ mustache bristling gently against my ears as I shut my eyes in sonic ecstasy. Each and every note on the keytar was like a magical arrow of purity shot directly into my third eye. My obvious next move was to turn that shit up, but alas, the volume was already at it’s maximum.

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We give it the full 8-hour endurance test!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Whenever I get emails about USB powered anything, I usually find them highly suspect. There seems to be some kind of renaissance of useless USB powered gadgets being showered upon us by an army of computer savvy Ron Popeils.

When I heard about the USB powered Beverage Chiller by Coolit Systems, I decided to put it to the test. Does it actually do what it purports itself to do, or is it just another crappy gizmo destined for the bargain bin at the Best Buy checkout line? Watch the following time-lapse video to find out:

The USB powered Beverage Chiller can be found at Coolitsystems.com