Mongo Nation

Like Deliverance, only with fewer banjos and more zombies.

By Jeremy Azevedo

Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

Even if you’ve never heard of Drac Studios before, you have no doubt seen quite a bit of their work. They have done special effects and makeup for everything from X-Men, Pirates of the Caribbean and Titanic on down to Ugly Betty, Friends and Power Rangers. These guys have had their hands in everything, and are just about unparalleled when it comes to the lost art of live SFX. It’s only fitting then, that they should dabble in a little full-scale production of their own.

Trailer Park of Terror, which is based on a comic series by the same name, is the first feature length, in-house production to come out of Drac Studios. As you can imagine, a horror film made by a shop that has been nominated many times for achievements in makeup and effects makes a lot of sense. Even on a smaller budget, it is possible for them to use their own resources to give make a horror picture look like it had a multi-million dollar effects budget. Horror fans expecting gruesome thrills, explicit torture scenes and horribly disfigured zombie/demon monsters will not be disappointed in the slightest.

Director Steven Goldmann, himself a country boy and a comic fan, took great care to infuse Trailer Park of Terror with actual Appalachian bumfuck Ozark American flavor, gathered in his experience as a prolific country music video director. Granted, much of that aesthetic was already present in the comics. But little touches, like the way one character is injected with salad dressing like a turkey about to be roasted, or more noticeable elements like the soundtrack, come from Goldmann’s influence.

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Night of the Chicken Dead!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

To simply describe “Poultrygeist” as “just another zombie chicken picture” doesn’t really do it proper justice. The latest in a long line of bat-shit crazy Troma pictures by the ubiquitous B-movie pioneer, Lloyd Kaufman, Poultrygeist is like the “Citizen Kane” of undead fast food revenge comedy scat porn musical horror movies. If there was ever a doubt in your mind that Kaufman had another film in him that could stand next to such classics as “The Toxic Avenger”, “Class of Nuke ‘Em High” or “Sgt. Kabukiman: NYPD”, then you would be very wrong, sir.

Poultrygeist tells the story of a lovelorn young man, Arbie, that gets caught up in the conflict between a fast food restaurant, the spirits that inhabit the Tromahawk Indian burial ground upon which it’s built, and the protest group known as the Collegiate Lesbians Against Mega-conglomerates, or C.L.A.M. for short. After being spurned by his one-time lover, Wendy (who has become a lesbian hippy after only one semester in college), Arbie retaliates by getting a job at American Chicken Bunker, the restaurant that Wendy and her butch new girlfriend are so vehemently protesting.

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Lloyd talks with CraveOnline about the origin of Troma.

By Jeremy Azevedo

Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, is one of the pioneers of the B-movie subculture, responsible for countless hit cult movies such as The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD.

A lot of people don’t know this, but Troma is the longest running independent studio in the history of filmmaking. In this segment, Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma, talks with CraveOnline about the origins of Troma and the influences that ushered him into the world of independent cinema.

Next week: Lloyd talks with CraveOnline about the foreseeable future of Troma!

Lloyd talks about his new film, “Poultrygeist”!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, is one of the pioneers of the B-movie subculture, responsible for countless hit cult movies such as The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD.

His newest film, “Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead” is perhaps his best yet, embodying the freedom of independent cinema as only Troma can.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Troma Entertainment, they are the longest running independent film studio in the history of cinema, with over 30 years of experience. Troma has been responsible for launching the careers of such notable entertainers as Matt Stone and Trey Parker, Kevin Costner, Samuel L. Jackson, and countless other actors, directors and musicians.

In our exclusive interview with Lloyd, he talks about the making of Poultrygeist, a film described by critics as “The Citizen Kane of undead fast food revenge comedy scat porn musical horror movies”:

The year’s best zombie/stripper movie thus far!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is an irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc!

This week’s film is “Zombie Strippers”, a movie that artfully combines two of every man’s favorite things: tits and zombies. Both as dumb as it sounds and infinitely more intelligent than you might expect, Zombie Strippers is exactly the kind of self-referential horror-comedy that pleases hardcore fans and casual enthusiasts of the genre equally.

Robert Englund about to get a lap dance from Marilyn Manson?

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Rock N’ Roll, Blood, Guts, and Sluts!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Friday Night Midnight Movies is a new irregularly occurring feature whose purpose is to showcase little-to-no budget films that play at late night theaters in the slums of America and the bombed-out megaplexes of the former Soviet Republic Eastern Bloc.

Unlike the 300 million dollar nuclear turds that you probably enjoy bitching about on Monday mornings to your little friends, these slightly smaller, much less costly turds can actually be a lot of fun.

This week’s feature film is “Attitude For Destruction”, a movie that combines the origin of everybody’s favorite Sunset Strip cock rock band, Guns N’ Roses, with a Satan worshiping blood soaked titty flashing zombie picture and a $40 budget. The film stars the singer of real life Guns N’ Roses cover band (Hollywood Roses) front man, Colby Veil, as a scorned band mate, murdered in cold blood by his band mates over a record deal.

I have this dream, like, every night. Is that weird?

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Sick to Death of “A Christmas Story”? Me too.

Every year it’s the same thing. “Christmas Story”. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”. Garfield and Charlie Brown. That annoying Tim Burton movie with the sucky puppets that goth nerds think is so great. It makes me want to puke my eggnog down the front of my festive holiday sweater.

Pissed because he’s the only one that wore an ugly sweater to the “ugly holiday sweater party”

Now I’m not saying that I dislike Christmas movies or anything, I’m just saying that it’s about time for something new. And so it pleases me greatly to present to you a list of twelve alternative holiday movies, some of which I’m sure you are already familiar with, some of which you may not be, and some of which aren’t technically Christmas movies at all, but do take place on or around Christmas. Enjoy!

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Black Christmas

These girls are smart, they practice the Buddy System!

First off is a Holiday horror film in the vein of such classics as “Silent Night Deadly Night”. Black Christmas is a modern remake of an early slasher in which a deranged killer dresses like Santa and butchers a house full of sexy sorority girls during Christmas break. Of course, in typical 80’s slasher fashion, there are abundant shower and sex scenes that of course always end with naked fitness models splashing blood all over the goddamn place.

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Ten more cult films to get you through the holidays!

ow that there is a writer’s strike going on, and the holiday movies have yet to start pouring in, what’s a person to watch on their new 407 inch HDTV? I mean, how many times can you really watch “Transformers” or “Pirates” before the initial “wow” factor turns to bitter disappointment and disinterest? You’ll be glad to know that we have compiled yet another list of awesome cult films that you are guaranteed to want to watch over and over again (if you aren’t too emotionally scarred the first time). Rest assured that these straight-to-video gems will tickle your fancy so hard that you’ll want to take a shower afterward, and never waste your time watching TV doctor dramas again!

Cult Cinema: The alpha and omega of cinematic sleaze.

#10 I Spit On Your Grave

Kind of like that one scene from “Deliverance”, only stretched out over two hours.

“I Spit on Your Grave” may just be the raddest title ever given to a movie. This alone should be enough to warrant the viewing of this film! Which is not to say that there are not other perfectly good reasons. “I Spit on Your Grave” is of the most controversial films ever made, drawing such scorn and disgust from movie critics that it was banned in several countries upon it’s release. To this day, fat-ass film geek Roger Ebert calls it “the worst movie ever made”, dude to it’s strict adherence to the three R’s: Rape, Revenge, and Retards. Watch for yourself and be your own judge, but beware, “I Spit on Your Grave” is not for the squeamish! The notorious castration scene will make even the most hardcore horror fans cover their eyes!

B-Movie Clichés: Tits, revenge, rape, castration, sodomy, scary rednecks, torture, ax murder.

WTF Quote: Andy: Y’know, sometimes I look at these gorgeous-looking chicks, I mean the ones that look like real knockouts, sexy and all… and I wonder… I wonder if they gotta take a shit, too.

Stanley: Hey, all women shit. Women are full of shit.

#9 Ichi The Killer

Believe it or not, this isn’t even the goriest scene in the movie, not by a long shot.

Of the nearly 100 splatterhouse movies directed by iconic Japanese director, Takashi Miike, Ichi the Killer is perhaps the best known in the states, and for good reason. Masochistic yakuza hitman Kakihara is one of the most sadistic villains in cinema, whose savagery is rivaled only by Ichi, a sexually repressed, totally unstable, murderous psychopathic man-child. “Ichi the Killer” somehow manages to combine some of the goriest scenes imaginable with strangely comical performances and dialogue in ways that would make Quentin Tarantino jealous. “Ichi” is worth seeing for the suspended fishhooks and hot oil torture scene alone.

B-Movie Clichés: Arterial blood spray, tits, gangsters, revenge, sadomasochism, exploding guts, torture, rape, misunderstood monsters, bizarre humor, evil adversary, everybody knows karate, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Kakihara: Listen, when you’re giving pain to someone, don’t think about the pain that person is feeling. Just concentrate on how good it feels to be causing someone pain. That’s the best thing you can do for a true masochist!

#8 Street Trash

What’s grosses than an exploding bum? How about an exploding bum, melting into a public toilet?

“Street Trash” is probably the best, if not only, homeless action adventure horror comedy of the last 100 years. The funny thing about the homeless people in this movie, which was made in the 80’s, is that they all look exactly like the privileged Hollywood hipsters of today. Go figure! In “Street Trash”, a lovable transient date rapist is caught in a power struggle between a psychotic Vietnam vet that presides over his own personal junkyard gang and the hard-ass cop that wants to bring him down. Throw into the mix cheap local liquor that melts hobos from the inside out and you have the makings of the dirtiest, slimiest gore-fest around.

B-Movie Clichés: Homeless heroes, plucky detective, paranoid kid, psychopathic Vietnam vet, tits, evil adversary, exploding guts, racial insensitivity, rape, implied rape, drugs, bizarre humor, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Bill The Cop: Lady, I ain’t so sure you don’t have a cock.

#7 The Human Tornado

In simpler times, all disagreements were solved with a vigorous karate match.

The Human Tornado is actually part of a series of “Dolemite” movies, that truly encapsulate the blaxploitation genre that Shaft and Superfly helped to build. The Human Tornado is like a Samuel L. Jackson family reunion, with more cussing, jive-talking, pimp slapping and awkwardly performed karate than is even humanly conceivable. Rudy Ray Moore is awesome as a rapping, ass kicking, babe slaying hustler that clashes with the mafia for trying to shake down his top girl, Queen Bee’s nightclub.

B-Movie Clichés: Everybody knows karate, sexy sidekick, revenge, racial insensitivity, sex, gangsters, tits, embarrassing appearances by now famous celebrities, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Dolemite: He think he’s bad and ain’t got no class! I’m gon’ rock this shotgun up his muthaf**kin’ ass!
#6 Basket Case

This is why you should never schedule a doctors appointment on Halloween.

One theme that is recurrent in cult films is bitter, pissed off, homicidal, deformed Siamese twins separated at birth from their otherwise normal siblings. Belial is one such creature, who sneaks out of his basket to murder his bumpkin brother Duane’s dates and acquaintances in the bloodiest of ways. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a bodiless flipper baby with a mongoloid head rip the face off of some unexpecting sucker/victim!

B-Movie Clichés: Freaks, bizarre humor, sex, ax murder, buckets of blood, misunderstood monsters, revenge, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Josephine: What’s in the basket?
Duane Bradley: [laughs] My brother!

#5 Shakes The Clown

Alcoholic clowns: Maybe a pony would be a better choice for your child’s birthday party?

“Shakes the Clown” is the Citizen Kane of alcoholic Clown movies. That’s what it says on the back of the box, and I have to agree that this is true. The underrated genius of Bobcat Goldthwait stars alongside such past and present greats as Julie Brown, Adam Sandler and Kathy Griffin in what may be one of the most comprehensive looks at the party clown lifestyle ever committed to film. Even Robin Williams makes an appearance as the instructor of a troupe of mimes, the natural prey of party clowns (who are in turn the natural prey of rodeo clowns). Even if you’re retarded, and doubt the comedic range of Bobcat, I assure you that “Shakes the Clown” is hilarious from start to finish.

B-Movie Clichés: Bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, acute alcoholism, embarrassing appearances by now famous celebrities, clowns, gangsters, evil adversary.

WTF Quote: Shakes the Clown: I could quit drinking any time I want. This one time, I quit for a whole month! Dink the Clown: Shakes, that doesn’t count, man, you were in a coma. With alcohol poisoning!

#4 Big Trouble in Little China

Kim Catrell and Kurt Russel illustrating why the revival of 80’s fashion must be brought to a stop before it’s too late.

It’s hard to pick just one cult movie starring Kurt Russell and/or directed by John Carpenter. But if pressed, I would have to go with “Big Trouble in Little China”. This is a movie with something for everyone: Love, karate, machine guns, monsters, comedy, the supernatural, everything. Kurt Russell is basically the greatest action star of all time, and “Big Trouble” serves up some of the best death sequences you will ever see. This is a “can’t miss” movie, even if the bad guy that looks like famous character actor Gary Oldman is not actually Gary Oldman.

B-Movie Clichés: Evil adversary, gangsters, homeless heroes, misunderstood monsters, wise old dude, sexy sidekick, useless sidekick, exploding guts, everybody knows karate, bizarre humor, freaks, climactic showdown, John Carpenter, Kurt Russell

WTF Quote: Jack Burton: Hey, I’m a reasonable guy. But I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things.

#3 Orgazmo

This picture defies the need for a snarky caption.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker have given us so many good movies and TV shows, bless their hearts. But somehow, this particular gem of a movie often goes unrecognized for no good goddamn reason. Orgazmo is the story of a naïve young Mormon turned porn star turned superhero. Trey Parker stars as the titular character, Joe young, whose faith is tested by an industry that is sorely lacking in moral fiber. With the help of his sidekick, “Choda Boy”, and his “Orgazmorator” ray, young Joe must infiltrate Maxxx Orbison’s porno mafia to win back his fiancée and his Mormon pride!

B-Movie Clichés: Tits, evil adversary, useless sidekick, racial insensitivity, bizarre humor, sex, sodomy, everybody knows karate, climactic showdown.

WTF Quote: Dave the Lighting Guy: Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?
Joe Young: Oh yeah, the Greek mythology.
Dave the Lighting Guy: Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think unicorns are kick ass!

#2 Dead Alive

Dead Alive: Probably spent twice the budget on fake blood than for everything else combined.

The lawnmower scene in this movie is the goriest scene ever filmed. Period. How Peter Jackson ever got someone to give him 300 bazillion dollars to make hobbit movies after producing a string of gross out, low budge zombie flicks like this is beyond anyone’s grasp. When a Sumatran rat-monkey infects pussy mama’s boy New Zealander Lionel’s mother with a zombie virus, all hell breaks loose as he tries to keep her from eating the whole goddamn town. I can safely say that this film is batshit crazy, if not for the zombie babies, ninja priests and pathetic John Arbuckle love story between Lionel and his neighbor, Paquita, than at least for the scene in which a mutated super zombie form of Lionel’s mother tries to return him to her womb.

B-Movie Clichés: Zombies, ax murder, arterial spray, exploding guts, buckets of blood, bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, Oedipus complex.

WTF Quote: Paquita Maria Sanchez: Your mother ate my dog!
Lionel Cosgrove: Not all of it.

#1 Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

If you don’t love Pee-Wee, than the terrorists have already won.

Believe it or not, this movie is actually a remake of Vittorio De Sica’s Italian neo-realist classic, “The Bicycle Thief”. In a way, that makes all the low brow, family friendly dick and fart jokes even more amusing! Everything about this movie manages to be funny and creepy at the same time, a combination that would make director Tim Burton and composer Danny Elfman shit-tons money in the future. Paul Rubens at the height of Pee
Wee Herman fame commits entirely to a character so weird that Jim Carrey would sell his soul to be even a shadow of. If you don’t believe that Paul Rubens is a genius among entertainers just because he likes happened to have a jack attack in a porno theater one day, than you are a tard. Everyone, especially dorks who love Tim Burton’s crappy puppet movies but have never seen one of his actual films, should own this movie.

B-Movie Clichés: Bizarre humor, freaks, misunderstood monsters, Tim Burton, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Pee-wee: There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand. Dottie: I don’t understand…

If you enjoyed this list, check out the first Top 10 Cult Movies article HERE.

The 10 best cult movies ever made.

Summer blockbusters are great and everything, but now that the summers over, looking back, how many of those summer movies would you actually watch again, in the comfort of your own home? If you’re like me, the answer is next to none. For me, there’s nothing quite like a good cult movie in those empty months between holidays when there’s nothing in the theater… one of those truly strange movies that you can watch again and again, but no matter how many times you watch it, you still can’t believe what you’re seeing.

Ten points if you can guess whether that’s a weird chick or a weird dude in this here photo.

Since it can be hard to find the diamonds in the rough at times, so we went to the trouble of compiling a list of the ten best cult movies for you to check out:
#10 The Stuff

Some kid in a bizarre Jello Pudding accident.

In a sort of bastardized commentary on American consumer culture, everybody goes wild for a new food product called “The Stuff”. What they do know is that it is delicious and nutritious. You can eat as much of The Stuff as you want without having to worry about your weight. What they don’t know is that The Stuff is actually an alien substance being marketed for it’s highly addictive properties that will eventually take over the host body like a parasite, turning the user into a zombie!

B-Movie clichés: Exploding guts, pod people, paranoid kid, plucky detective, kung-fu brothers, psychopathic Vietnam vet, zombies.

WTF quote: The Stuff: Are you eating it or is it eating you?

#9 Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD

I’m so being that for Halloween. You better not copy me, I’m serious.

Troma is one of the most prolific manufacturers of awesomely bad cult movies, from such classics as the “Toxic Avenger” to “Class of Nuke ‘Em High”. But my personal favorite has always been the legendary cop-action film, Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD. This film recounts the story of a loser detective that receives the powers of a dying kabuki master, and who must use said powers to fight the forces of evil and score babes. The Vapors’ song “Turning Japanese” was made for this movie. (Figuratively, not actually).

B-Movie clichés: Racial insensitivity, tits, plucky detective, sexy sidekick, evil adversary, exploding cars, climactic showdown.

WTF quote: Sgt. Kabukiman: I like a dog-faced monkey that has an appreciation for expensive sports cars.

#8 Meet the Feebles

Yep. We’ve all been there once or twice, am I right?

Peter Jackson is perhaps best known for the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But few are aware that, years prior to his rise to fame on the backs of hobbits, he was into Muppets. Meet the Feebles is like a sick, twisted version of the Muppet movie, in which the puppets come off stage and engage in all manner of nasty behaviors, from shooting porno and panty-sniffing, to bulimia, drugs, and murder. It’s even somewhat of a musical, and features an all puppet cast. Meet the Feebles is unlike anything you have ever or will ever see, and will probably give you nightmares.

B-Movie clichés: Puppets, drugs, racial insensitivity, tits, psychopathic Vietnam vet, gangsters, sodomy.

WTF quote: Bletch: Do you really think people are interested in nasal sex?
Trevor: Sure, boss. It’s the next big fad.

#7 Crippled Masters

Crippled Masters: The most bitchenest (only) amputee karate movie ever captured on film.

Not only is the Crippled Masters an awesome, old school kung-fu movie, but it’s also an awesome freak show as well. In it, a dude with no legs and a dude with no arms join like Voltron to make one bad ass-kicking machine. The two are tasked with locating the “Eight Jade Horses”, which hold the secret to defeating Lin Chang Cao (an evil hunchbacked criminal mastermind responsible for their disfigurement), thusly getting their due revenge.

B-Movie clichés: Training montage, evil adversary, everybody knows karate, freaks, wise old dude, climactic showdown.

WTF moment: A guy with no arms eats a chicken leg with his feet.

#6 Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Looks like the bastard child of Rosie O’Donell and Krusty the Clown.

In this Klassic horror flick, aliens that look like clowns invade a small town and begin feasting on the population. Of course, the town’s dumbshit residents don’t think there’s anything weird about freaky-ass clowns and space-age circus tents inexplicably showing up, which adds to the hilarity. People get melted by napalm pies, eaten by killer popcorn, stuck in balloons, cocooned in cotton candy, and have the blood sucked out of them through crazy straws. This movie may be partly responsible for the existence of the Insane Clown Posse, but if you can find it in your heart to look past that unforgivable crime, you’ve got yourself a genuine horror classic.

B-Movie clichés: Exploding guts, plucky detective, sexy sidekick, nerds, horny teens, space monsters, climactic showdown.

WTF quote: Curtis Mooney: They took your wife away in a balloon? Well you don’t need the police, pal, you need a psychiatrist!

#5 Troll 2 (Nilbog)

Nilbog: keeping put of work midget actors in the union since 1983.

Inexplicably there are not actually any trolls in this film. They’re goblins actually. While on vacation in Nilbog (which is goblin spelled backward, actually), a family is besieged by goblins disguised as humans that aim to convert the visitors by tricking them into ingesting their tainted Nilbog food. What would possess someone to eat green slime in barely recognizable food shapes, I cannot even begin to guess, but they do. It’s up to some nosy kid and his dead grandpa’s ghost to thwart their evil plans and save the day. This movie is bat-shit crazy all the way. In one of the best scenes, a chick comes out of this dude’s TV and tries to seduce him into eating Nilbog corn. When he refuses, she comes into his trailer and turns the corn into popcorn by eating it sexily and effectively drowning his ass in it. And then there’s the scene in which a group of adults are holding a little boy down and trying to force him to eat a green hamburger, and absolutely no one thinks that it’s weird.

B-Movie clichés: Paranoid kid, pod people, midgets, wise old dude, exploding guts, horny teens.

WTF quote: Joshua: Grandpa! Are you really in Hell?
Seth: No! But I know a trick that a friend of mine who went there taught me!

#4 UHF

Weird Al: Dreamy teen sex symbol of the year, every year.

This movie is so funny, I just don’t understand why it’s the only movie Weird Al Yankovick ever made. Even if you don’t like his music, it doesn’t matter in the slightest. UHF is about an oddball loser whose uncle wins the deed to a shitty UHF cable station in a poker game. The same loser then goes on to become the most successful station in America, with shows like “Druids on Parade”, “Wheel of Fish”, “Underwater Bingo for Teens” and “Stanley Spadowski’s Clubhouse”. Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski gives a particularly compelling performance as a half retarded janitor/children’s show host. There are so many funny scenes, TV show vignettes, faux commercials and bits of dialogue in this movie that I almost don’t know where to begin. Just watch it, it’s funnier than a deaf one-legged rapper on an ice skate.

B-Movie clichés: Bizarre humor, evil adversary, midgets, Weird Al, climactic showdown, embarrassing appearkiller klowns
ances by now famous celebrities.

WTF quote: Teri: Hello, stranger.
George Newman: Teri, what are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again.
Teri: Whatever gave you that idea?
George Newman: Well, I guess my first clue was when you told me you never wanted to see me again.

#3 They Live

Stevie Wonder accidentally kicking the crap out of some dude with a luxurious mullet.

Are you familiar with the “Obey” clothing line? Its whole philosophy is basically lifted from this movie, in which aliens control our minds thorough subliminal messaging. Only with the help of magic sunglasses can our hero, played by the magnificent “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, see through their clever ruse and identify who is really human and who is an alien in disguise. It’s worth it to watch this whole movie just to see Rowdy and that other dude, Frank, fight each other old school WWF style (for 20 odd minutes) in an alleyway because Frank refuses to put on the magic sunglasses. They bodyslam each other and hit one another with trash cans and everything! It’s so bitchen’.

B-Movie clichés: Wrestlers-turned-actors, pod people, homeless heroes, space monsters, climactic showdown.

WTF quote: Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.

#2 The Warriors

Just because the Warriors do it doesn’t mean it’s not gay to wear a leather vest with no shirt.

The Warriors is one of those classic cult movies that, despite being totally implausible, is so atmospheric that you sort of don’t think about it. The basic premise is that the Jesus of NY gang members tries to have all the gangs in the city meet to discuss a broad unification, but someone wastes him and the Warriors get blamed for it. The Warriors are then forced to fight there way back to their home-turf on Coney Island before one of the other gangs wastes them too. The other gangs are what really make this movie great. There’s a baseball gang, a roller skate gang, an all girl gang, a gang of kung-fu brothers, an orphan gang… It sounds hilarious but somehow the cinematography and direction make it seem serious, and amazing feat, all things considered.

B-Movie clichés: Everybody knows karate, implied rape, gangsters, kung-fu brothers, evil adversary, climactic showdown.

WTF quote: Luther: (clicking beer bottles together) Waaaarrrrrriiiorsss, come out to plaaaa-eeeee-aaaay!

#1 Death Race 2000

Death Race 2000: Yet another depiction of a sordid apocalyptic future that happened 7 years ago, I guess.

Death Race 2000 is the most totally rad movie ever made. It’s set in the future (which looks a lot like the 70’s), and it’s about a trans-Atlantic road race in which the drivers are awarded points not only for finishing first, but for committing acts of vehicular manslaughter along the way as well. David Carradine stars as “Frankenstein”, and Sylvester Stallone has a pretty sizeable role as well as “Machine Gun Joe Viterbo”. There’s enough gratuitous sex and violence in this film to satisfy the hungriest of bloodlusts, but presented in a slightly comedic, fantasy skewed manner that can only be achieved through the magic of low budget filmmaking. There’s nothing quite like seeing a car that looks like a dinosaur swerve to run over babies and old people as Stallone fires a car-mounted machine gun at a Nazi supermodel. I hope that Hollywood doesn’t ruin this film by remaking Death Race. Death Race 2000 is like a once-in-a-lifetime, perfect alignment of cult movie elements that can never be repeated, replaced or reheated.

B-Movie clichés: Vehicular manslaughter, misunderstood monsters, implied rape, exploding cars, bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, evil adversary, tits, the future, exploding guts, embarrassing appearances by now famous celebrities.

WTF quote: Cleopatra: It isn’t my fault everyone scored before us. You should have gone after that Boy Scout camp like I told you!
Nero the Hero: I tried the goddamn Boy Scout camp. You know how fast those Boy Scouts move?
Cleopatra: Now here’s something more your speed.
Nero the Hero: That’ll be at least 200 points!
Cleopatra: If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother!

Top 10 Most Underrated Games Of All Time (That I Have Personally Played)

Ron “Mario” Jeremy: Underrated Thespian

As is the case with any form of entertainment, whether it be music, movies or video games, you find some of the best stuff when you take a risk, when you go out on a limb and try something new. Some of my best gaming experiences have been with those forgotten underdogs, languishing in the shadows of Halo and GTA, struggling to be discovered in a sea of over-hyped competition. Following is a list of some of my favorite underrated games that most people have never played but really ought to:

#10 - Mega Man Legends

Desu! Desu! Put me in your mouth! What?

Mega man has starred in like 50 billion games, but the best of all of them (and the one that absolutely no one played) is Mega Man Legends. This game has all the action of a Mega Man game combined with very well executed RPG elements. The story is actually quite compelling, the weapons are awesome, and the co-starring characters are great. The Bonne family’s Servebots that hassle you throughout the game look like they inspired just about every designer toy sold at Urban Outfitters for the next decade to follow.
#9 - Maniac Mansion

Some slutty, talentless rocker chick about to do it with an alien tentacle monster for a record deal. Nothing new here.

I only have a vague memory of playing this game as a kid, but I do remember that it totally redefined my perception of what a video game could be. Maniac Mansion was nothing like any of my other games. Basically you took on the role of one of half a dozen teenagers with different skill sets, and solved puzzles in order to solve a mystery that involved sentient plants, alien tentacles and zombies. The way that you could interact with any person, place or thing in the mansion was really amazing considering the hardware limitations of the NES. Indigo Prophecy, another great, underrated game, is basically Maniac mansion minus the humor, and even that’s a lot of fun to play.

#8 - Astro Boy: Omega Factor

Once you get past the whole “shirtless robot boy in underwear and boots” thing, Astro Boy is a lot of fun!

I’m not really all that familiar with the Astro Boy cartoon, but I gave this game a shot and I didn’t regret it one bit. Astro Boy is perhaps the most enjoyable 2-D, side scrolling shoot-em-up that I have ever played. It’s better than Contra, Metal Slug, and perhaps even Gunstar Heroes. There are tons of secrets, power ups and upgrades, secret characters and boss fights, alternate endings… the list goes on. Astro Boy is the kind of game Mega Man always wished it could be but never quite achieved despite hundreds of tries.

#7 - Super Mario Bros. 2

This is what the original instruction manual had to say about Birdo.

I know that you probably all think that Mario gets more than his fair share of appreciation, but I’ve always felt that Super Mario 2 has been unfairly treated as the black sheep of the Mario family. Every time you see a “best of” list, Super Mario 2 is usually not included. It’s the same problem Zelda 2 had; that the game was just too different from its predecessor, as well as the games that followed it. But is this really such a bad thing? Call me crazy, but I actually believe Super Mario 3 was a step backward from this game. What could be better than controlling four mushroom kingdom characters, all with unique abilities, in a totally new adventure with all new bad guys to fight? The physics were awesome, the enemies were weird, and the secrets were plentiful. The awesomenisity of Birdo alone is enough to make this game more revered than it is.

#6 - Psychonauts

Raz, fondling livestock with the power of his twisted little mind.

This game isn’t necessarily underrated, at least not by critics. Psychonauts is one of those weird games that, despite overwhelming amounts of positive reviews and press, just didn’t sell. It’s a shame too, because the story and presentation of this game make it one of the most imaginative experiences I’ve ever had with a game. Basically you must enter people’s minds and fight their demons for them in order to find out who stole all your classmates brains and why. Because every character’s psychosis is different, the levels all play out in their bizarre way. One level has you playing a giant game of risk against a dude with a Napoleon complex. Another level has you entering the mind of a twisted milkman and his demented imagining of a paranoid suburbia. You can even enter the mind of a lungfish and play Godzilla to a city of intelligent lungfish people. Please, for the love of god, stop procrastinating and play this game already.

#5 - Rock & Roll Racing

This is quite possibly the only racing game with more explosions than Burnout.

The advent of fully 3-D gaming nearly destroyed 2-D gaming, but it completely obliterated faux 3-D, top down, ¾ view gaming. Rock & Roll Racing was perhaps the last great top down, ¾ view racing game, and it’s definitely the best. You get to pick from half a dozen different car types with just as many drivers and weapons to go along with them. The control is amazing, everything is upgradeable, and two player races are a blast either competitively or cooperatively. Rock & Roll Racing was also one of the first games to prominently feature real, licensed songs like “Highway Star” and “Paranoid”, which was and still is rad.

#4 - Beyond Good & Evil

Jade out saving the world, snapping pics of Britney Spears entering/leaving rehab.

I had this game sitting on my shelf for like two months before I played it. I kept hearing about how good it was, but I had my doubts. Once I started playing Beyond Good & Evil, all my doubts were replaced by wonder that this game was not the biggest selling release of the year. This game controls like Zelda, has an awesome story, really likeable characters, and an incredibly rewarding “photo safari” sidequest. The art and music are beautifully composed, and the game is not only funny, but also perhaps even moving. Definitely try and find this game, it has to be experienced to really be understood.

#3 - Jet Grind Radio

Jet Grind Radio is like the Japanese hipster version of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater.

What a weird game. In Jet Grind Radio, you play as one of several punk kids on roller blades that skate around tagging graffiti all over a Japanese police state. It sounds dumb, but it plays so excellently, and has such great, truly individual style that you won’t be able to put it down. Jet Grind Radio really ushered in the whole “cel-shaded” look, had a great soundtrack and a lot of really cool secrets to discover. Also, the learning curve was so long that you could continue to improve your skills for weeks, maybe even months. This is not to say that the game is overly difficult, but rather that you can achieve an insane level of skill that at first may have seemed impossible. The sequel to this game overly simplified the graffiti tagging aspect, which I feel hurt the game overall. The original is still the one to get if you happen to still have a Dreamcast.

#2 - Suikoden 2

One of the kajillion nasty double-crosses that occur in Suikoden 2.

Quite possibly the finest RPG game I’ve ever played. I have participated in more role-playing adventures than I care to admit, but I really have to say that the story of Suikoden 2 really resonated more than almost any of them, and that even includes Final Fantasy games. Suikoden’s story of international politics, espionage and the occult never fails to offer surprises as you progress through the game. Suikoden also really nails the turn based combat, utilizing combo attacks with certain combinations of characters, awesome magic and really cool weapons. The difficulty is always balanced, and you can collect up to 108 characters to use in your party, all of which are comfortably housed at your ever-expanding base of operations. It’s like Final Fantasy, the Sims, Pokeman and a Tom Clancy novel all rolled into one. Hopefully this game comes out on a compilation or something, copies of it sell for like $200 on ebay now due to its scarcity.

#1 - Ninja 5-O

Pink-clad ninja cops saving hostages armed with nothing but a grappling hook. Makes perfect sense.

Ninja games are awesome and you know it. What you may not know is that Ninja 5-O is the best ninja game ever made. It’s better than Ninja Gaiden and Shinobi, combined. Ninja 5-O is a tongue-in-cheek throwback to the ninja games of the 80’s, challenging you to take on the role of a ninja/cop assigned to rescue the president or some shit. It plays kind of like a combination of the aforementioned ninja games, with the inclusion of a sweet Bionic Commando-like grappling hook. Swinging around on your rope, throwing shurikens, cutting thugs in half and casting ninja magic at the same time is so bitchen’, it will almost make you forgive Ninja 5-O for the sadistic difficulty of the last stage of the game.

A reader all butthurt because we didn’t include “Juggalo Xtreme Backyard Wrestling” in our list or some such shit.

Are there any games that you feel are missing from our list? If so, drop us a line and we’ll include them in a follow-up article! Either that or ridicule you mercilessly because you are a nerd. It really just depends on the game and our mood at the time, quite honestly!