Really Bad Gifts To Give Your Co-Workers 0
Like, so bad it could possibly get you arrested
 By Creepy Office Guy |
Another year, another crappy Secret Santa gift exchange. Believe me, I know that nothing is worse than trying to figure out what to buy for someone you barely know and definitely don’t like for under $20… |
If you think I’m going to help you by telling you just what to get, forget it. I’ve got my own Secret Santa problems to deal with. What I will do, however, is share with you some of my knowledge as to what not to get your co-workers for the holidays, culled from many years of awkward and sometimes litigious experience.
Squirt gun
Filled with bourbon
Your co-workers may be alcoholics… And they may want nothing more than to put a gun in their mouth… But the last thing they need is a painful reminder of these things during the holidays.
Commemorative plate
Made of crack cocaine
It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Until you run out, and have to start turning tricks in the alley outside the transient hotel to get your hands on some more. Like Whitney Houston said, before shooting an 8-ball of cocaine into her eyeball in front of television cameras while simultaneously sniffing angel dust from a secret compartment in her shoe: “Crack is Whack!”
One of those fake vomit thingies from a joke shop
Except it’s real vomit and it’s from your stomach
I know what you’re thinking: Why settle for a cheap, disgusting gag when you can get a better response for free? Well… you got me there. Just make sure the box is lined with some kind of plastic or cellophane, otherwise it’ll leak and give away the joke!
Frozen vial of what you’re reasonably certain is your sperm
It would be just your luck if the recipient was infertile, am I right? That would be like giving an Xbox game to someone who doesn’t even have an Xbox! Egg on your face! Read the rest of this entry →
