Crap I’ve Had Just About Enough Of This Week 1
Celebrity Edition!
By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World |
Jesus… H… Christ… Celebrities piss me off so bad man. I really mean it. I just want to smash them! |
And it’s not just because I’m jealous ’cause they get invited to fancy parties and can afford top shelf liquor and exotic vacations with beautiful models and shit while I’m subjected to vacationing in Palm Springs, drinking Prestige vodka with a meth-addicted 35-year old stripper with four kids by three ex-husbands. It’s certainly nothing to do with that. It’s just that I’m sick of how they act all entitled to their fame, as if it’s the kind of thing that you’re born into, and not the sort of thing that you have to work at like everything else in life.
This past week has been a smorgasborg of celebrity bullf**kery that has my ire worked up so bad that I actually had to look up the word “ire” in the dictionary to see if it was something that may actually be harmful in large doses or whatever. That’s how worked up it was. My ire, I mean.
The first celebrity to piss me off this week was Jessica Simpson, acting all indignant because people are calling her fat on account of her being fat and everything. Hey, Jessica, here’s a newsflash for you: You are not famous because you are a good singer, or because anybody finds you interesting or enjoys your “acting”. You are only moderately noteworthy because you are a hot P.O.A. and dudes want to motorboat those titties. That’s it. End of story. You are asked to do perform one simple task for humanity, which is to look hot. All you have to do is not get fat. That’s it! For this you will be paid more in a year than I make in a lifetime, and yet you can’t even do this ONE GODDAMN THING! If you are butthurt because people are calling you fat, it’s because you’re not doing your job, so shut up, put down the f**king meatball sub and get your ass into the gym you stupid little cooze.
Fat.
Next we’ve got Ashton Kutcher, the most obnoxious and talentless douchebag in Hollywood, the kind of guy that argues about who started the trucker hat fad as if it was something to be proud of and for whom being the boy-toy of an old cougar (who may very well be a sorceress) is a career goal. This little prick just made a video bitching about his neighbors doing construction at 7 in the morning and waking him up. I don’t know how this asshole thinks his own post modern Hollywood Hills mansion (that he’s probably borrowing from Demi) got built, but construction is something that goes on from time to time in places where people would like to live. True story! And as someone that has at one time worked in construction, I can tell you that work begins at fist daylight and continues until dark, because that’s how shit gets done. These people have to do hard physical labor all day long to feed their families, unlike Kutcher, who slaps on his Ed Hardy hoodie around noon, goes and gives one of his dipshit party pals a stick of gum that tastes like fish or some crap, tells them they got “punk’d” and then goes home and smokes weed all day. So threatening to “kick their asses” and stuff is not only laughable, because he’s a pussy, but makes him look like an even bigger choad then we already knew that he was.
