Mongo Nation

FREE PRIZE at the end!

By Jeremy Azevedo

No matter how many unsolicited CDs I get in my mailbox every month, I try to at least give each and every one of them a fair shot at a review, no matter how much it may pain me to listen to some of them.

In the interest of saving myself a hell of a lot of work, I’ve condensed all of the reviews for the aforementioned albums to 20 words or less. Not only does this make my job easier, but it also makes the reviews more fun to read.

Guns N’ Roses: Chinese Democracy

A glorious masterpiece I never expected to see in my lifetime. Like a relic from some awesome parallel universe.

The Knux: Remind Me In 3 Days

Like “The Neptunes” with even more embarrassingly bad lyrics, and about seven songs too long. Pretty good production, though.

Gramercy Arms

Several vaguely familiar, pretentious NY indie rockers got together and beat off onto a CD. This was the result.

Kanye West: 808s And Heartbreak

Sigh… I’m not sure whether to call this a failed experiment or a lazy, shameless cash-in. F**k you, Kanye.

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The week in news, filtered through Internet Hate Machine!

By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Sooooo… Let me see if I have this straight: Notable asshole, multi-millionaire and former guitarist of Gn’R most in need of a haircut from this century is talking shit on the unfortunately named blogger, “Skwerl”, that leaked Chinese Democracy on the Internets awhile back? Seriously?

Slash was quoted recently as saying that the leak “is going to affect the sales of the record, it’s not fair” and that he “hopes he (Skwerl) rots in jail”. WTF? Hurt the sales? WHAT FUCKING SALES, YOU STUPID BASTARD?! THE ALBUM IS NEVER GOING TO FUCKING COME OUT! And since when does Slash give a shit about Axl all of the sudden? He’s been talking shit on him for like 15 years. The same 15 years that Axl has been farting around on the studio working on his mysterious “masterpiece”. When Skwerl posted the tracks, it was like seeing fucking Bigfoot live, in the flesh. If anything, it may have lit a fire under Axl’s ass to actually finish the goddamn record already, so technically, Skwerl has just saved the label untold millions of dollars if you really think about it.

Oh man. This guy is making me so pissed, I need to change the subject before my hands jump through the screen against my will and strangle you as you read this.

The media is having a field day digging up dirt on Sarah Palin because they are all liberals and also because they think women belong in the kitchen and not in the White House… I, for one, think that their investigative efforts are being focused in entirely the wrong direction. I hereby officially declare “Rule 34” on Sara Palin! Rule 34 states that “If it exists, there is porn of it. No Exceptions”. Get to work, leftist America! At least some good may come out of your incongruously woman-hating hippy bullshit agenda!

If you work in the online industry in any capacity, you may have noticed how afraid many advertisers are to move forward with any video project that does not involve some minor TV celebrity in some capacity, no matter how talentless or obscure they may be. Recently, I have been noticing this trend bleeding into my video games, infecting them with fail. Kim Kardashin, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in “Face Breakers”? A whole goddamn game in which Nelly Furtado and Keith Urban play dodgeball and badminton against LeAnn Rimes and Fergie? Say it ain’t so! Pray to J that this trend gets squashed ASAP, unless you want your future to include paying $75 (adjusted for budget inflation) for a copy of Legend of Zelda starring Brody Jenner or maybe a new Tomb Raider starring Tila Tequila.

The Ghostbusters game, despite being billed as the “official” sequel to the movies, written by and starring the original cast, has been postponed and possibly even cancelled. Then we come to find that the producers of The Office are running their mouths about writing a sequel themselves, probably as a CGI animated movie because Bill Murray won’t do a live action Ghostbusters. So instead of playing a rad CGI game about Ghostbusters written by Ramis and Akroyd, we are expected to settle for watching a bullshit CGI movie by two assholes whose greatest achievement to date has been ripping off a sitcom from BBC television? This better be a lie. If I am denied the joy of pretending that my Wiimote is a particle beam accelerator because of this, I’m going to be good and pissed! Like even more so than usual, I mean.

Hugs,
The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Nearly 100 new songs!

By Jeremy Azevedo

The Rock Band 2 set list is oust and I gotta tell you, if you can’t find at least 20 songs on this list that you are just dying to play, then you don’t know dick about music.

Bonus points are awarded to Harmonix for being the first to bring us AC/DC, Bob Dylan, the Steve Miller Band, Billy Idol and the Talking Heads! What took so long?

Besides classic tracks from Beck, Rage Against The Machine, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and The Who, the list of 75 tracks includes the yet-unheard lead single from Guns N’ Roses forever-awaited Chinese Democray album. It’s called “Shackler’s Revenge,” and if it’s the lead single for the album, that can only mean two things: a) The album’s really almost here, and b) the song’s gotta be a face-melter. Can’t bloody wait!

Rock Band 2 Track List:

1. AC/DC “Let There Be Rock”
2. AFI “Girl’s Gone Grey”
3. Alanis Morissette “You Oughta Know”
4. Alice in Chains “Man in the Box”
5. Allman Brothers “Ramblin’ Man”
6. Avenged Sevenfold “Almost Easy”
7. Bad Company “Shooting Star”
8. Beastie Boys “So Whatcha Want”
9. Beck “E-Pro”
10. Bikini Kill “Rebel Girl”
11. Billy Idol “White Wedding Pt. I”
12. Blondie “One Way or Another”
13. Bob Dylan “Tangled Up in Blue”
14. Bon Jovi “Livin’ on a Prayer”
15. Cheap Trick “Hello There”
16. Devo “Uncontrollable Urge”
17. Dinosaur Jr. “Feel the Pain”
18. Disturbed “Down with the Sickness”
19. Dream Theater “Panic Attack”
20. Duran Duran “Hungry Like the Wolf”
21. Elvis Costello “Pump It Up”
22. Fleetwood Mac “Go Your Own Way”
23. Foo Fighters “Everlong”
24. Guns N’ Roses “Shackler’s Revenge”
25. Interpol “PDA”
26. Jane’s Addiction “Mountain Song”
27. Jethro Tull “Aqualung”
28. Jimmy Eat World “The Middle”
29. Joan Jett “Bad Reputation”
30. Journey “Anyway You Want It”

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