Mongo Nation

Another totally alpha review by your main bro, BuckCherryFan420

By BuckCherryFan420

Hey dudes! It’s your bro BuckCherryFan420! Those fags at CraveOnline hired me to do a review of this new Creed album. Fuckin’ A! Creed’s that old-ass band where the lead singer made a sex tape with MY NIGGA Kid Rock (big ups!). You know, the Jesus Guy.

I saw that video! It’s fucking alpha bro! Those dudes are like T.F.ing these big titty sluts and the Jesus Guy is all like “It’s good to be the king” or some shit. Fuck yeah it is, bro! And the chick is all like, “Mwagh mubba mraghgra!” Because her mouth is like, full of cock, right! HAHAHA! If I had a dollar for every time some bitch said “Mwagh mubba mraghgra” to me I’d be like a billionaire or some shit. It’s too bad that being ALPHA in real life doesn’t make you, like, good at music and stuff.

Are you fucking kidding me, bro?

Creed the band is pretty crushing, and Jesus Guy sound pretty tough and shit, like his voice or whatever. But all their songs are like these wussy ballads. It’s BULLSHIT! If you’re gonna fucking rock in real life, punching people out and making sex videos and shit, why doesn’t the music, like, reflect that and shit. It’s a fucking waste bro. It makes me sick listening to all this faggy bullshit and thinking about how totally bitchen’ this shit could be if homedude would just SACK THE FUCK UP! WHOOO! I should be the fuckin’ singer of this band dude. They’d be all like crushing and shit and I’d be the one making a sex tape with Kid Rock. Wait, that sounded gay. Not like, with him, with him, bro. Don’t fuckin’ get it twisted just because you’re all a bunch of homos. I’M ALL MAN, BRO! Fuck you!

I don’t want to talk about this Creed shit anymore. They get a score of like, 5 out of 10 Buckcherrys for this “Full Circle” bullcrap and that’s fuckin’ it, for them, bro.

Now let’s take a look at this motherfuckin’ Saw VI soundtrack. I love those fuckin’ movies bro! WHOOO! In case you’re like a pussy that doesn’t watch scary movies because you’re too scared and like, shit your pants all the time and probably have a vagina, Saw is like this movie about people that get killed by having their faces ripped off or like sawing their own dick off and shit like that. It’s fuckin’ crazy, bro. This album is just like the movie! It’s like, SUPER fuckin’ brutal. But then there’s like these moments that make you think and stuff in there too. Not too many though: If I sat around thinking all the time, I wouldn’t have arms like nuclear fuckin’ bombs dude! Maybe you bitches should try thinking less and working out more, so you could be more alpha like me! But then, WHOSE GIRLFRIEND WOULD I DATE RAPE AT THE CLUB BRO? HAHAHA! Someone needs to be the pussy so that I have someone to take my steroid rage out on and shit. FUCKIN’ A! That person is you, pencil dick!

It doesn’t work this way in real life, brosef.

This is the most metal soundtrack since, like, ever bro! Hatebreed, Suicide Silence, Chimaira… These are all bands that I’ve never heard of! But holy fuck are they hella BRUTAL or what?! Damn son, I am getting so pumped up listening to this shit bro. I wanna saw my own dick off! WHOOO! HAHAHA Just kidding dudes, I would never fucking EVER do that. Too many ladies would be hella sad about that shit brosefinas. And you know how I love to please the ladies! WHOOO! BUCKCHERRY FOR LIFE!

This SAW VI soundtrack is hella tight bro. None of these bands have cool style like Buckcherry and I can’t really tell what the fuck they’re talking about half the time. They sound like barking dogs and shit… Sorta like DMX or Lil’ Jon if they were like, white dudes or whatever. But at least they know how to shred and sound all hard and shit so that’s pretty cool. There’s even, like, this one band that’s all like hot metal chicks. They’re called “Kittie” or some shit like that. That’s fuckin’ HAWT bro! Know what I’m saying? I’d like to tame that fuckin’ kittie, broham. (I’m talking about their pussies, dude! Yeah!) I’d probably even let them listen to their shitty girl metal while I WRECK THAT SHIT too! ALPHA TO THE MAXXX! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Saw VI Soundtrack is like 8 out of 10 Buckcherrys, brohams.

-1 for not actually having Buckcherry on it for some reason.
+1 for having a picture of this hot bitch in like a dress made out of needles and shit on the inside. Fucking ALPHA bro! I’d hit that! WHOOO!

Dude. Bro. Seriously. Dude. C’mon. Bro.

By BuckCherryFan420

Hey duders, so like, you may have heard that Papa Roach has a new fuckin’ album out. Or maybe you didn’t cause you were too busy jackin’ it to Lady Gaga or whatever. I don’t blame you dudes, that bitch is fucking hot bro! I’d hit it! WHOO!

But even if that’s the case, I’m telling you now… about the Papa Roach album, I mean. Not about the other thing. The thing that… Wait, now you’re confusing me, bro. YOU BETTER SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE-HOLE BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU, YOU GOT ME BROSEF?!

No, Seriously bro, I would DESTROY that chick! WHOO!

Anyway, so like, I’m really super PUMPED about the new Papa Roach, bro. Those dudes are like my favorite band after Buckcherry and Sixx A.M. Fucking rock stars bro! Those dudes are like, cool with rockers and rapper dudes too. Who I usually don’t like but sometimes they have hella good weed so I guess they’re not all bad. 420 bro! Hits from the bong! Cypress Hill type shit bro! Fuckin’ A! Except Papa Roach don’t rap on this record. But if they did, it’d be sick bro.

One thing you’ll notice when listening to “Metamorphosis” is that the name is like all scientific and shit. What the fuck is a meta mop-o-sis anyway? That’s like some real egghead shit, bro. I asked my friend Dave from Encino what it meant and he said he thinks it’s like part of a vagina or something, which I guess is pretty cool. When you’re big rockstars like Papa Raoch, the regular parts just don’t do it for you anymore, and you have to get all like, scientific on bitches to get off and shit. I can see that. That’s gonna be me in a coupla years broham! Better start taking some Human Sexualogy classes at the fucking junior college bros! Fuckin’ ALPHA!

Look out bitches! I’m gonna learn all about your meta mop-o-sis and shit!

Ok so, like, once you actually start listening to the album, there’s sort of like a problem that presents itself or whatever. Like, most of the songs are kinda wussy and stuff… I know, dudes, it sounds crazy! This is fuckin’ Papa Roach we’re talking about here! But I shit you not, dude, like every song sounds like some Bon Jovi type shit. These are dudes that used to make bitches get naked and then throw like baloney at them. Only now they are like all wussed out and shit. This bullshit sounds like fucking hardcore Christian rock or some shit. I can’t believe it bro. First the ecomin-ee collapses and I lose all of my stock in Hustler and WWE and now this shit. I could fuckin’ kill myself if I didn’t know how many bitches would be all sad and shit. I hate to make bitches sad, bro, ‘cause then they get all complainy and everyone knows how annoying as fuck that can be, dudes.

In conclusion, The older Pap Roach shit is like a burger that was hella fuckin’ good right? And then “Metamorphosis” is like a strawberry milkshake that you have for dessert for some reason and it makes you like, sick. A rock band should never be a fuckin’ strawberry milkshake dude, it just isn’t right and it like, ruins your whole meal and makes your stomach hurt like you’re gonna shit your ass out bro. Which is how Papa Roach must’ve written this record, bro, SHIT straight from their ASS bro. I hate to say this dudes but next time BRING YOUR FUCKING A GAME OR DON’T COME AT ALL BRO! Goddamnit I’m so pissed right now I could jump right through the screen and fucking punch you right in the dick, bro. I’m gonna go wail on my bis and tris and slap myself with a wet towel until I chill out, man. So consider yourself lucky THIS TIME!

Rating: 4 out of 10 Buckcherrys
+2 if you like having your face reconstructed by my fist bro. Don’t change my ratings.
-2 if you WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU BRO?! Do not fuck with my ratings dude, I’m fucking serious bro.

A Helpful Guide, Bro.

By BuckCherryFan420

Dude, so like, people are always coming up to me and saying, BuckCherryFan420, how can I RAWK like you, bro? And I’m like, keep dreamin’, DOUCHEBAG, cause’ that ‘aint never gonna happen, you know what I’m saying?

But then I got to thinking, bro, that maybe I could help you f**king dorks be at least half as ALPHA as I am by telling you some of the cool things I do that f**king RAWK, you know what I’m saying?

Also, these dorks, like, paid me to do it so now I sorta have to. Gotta stack cheddar for the Range, bro! You know what I’m saying? F**kin’ A!

Ok, the first thing you gotta do to RAWK like I do is make sure that your gear is right. You gotta put away the f**kin’ sweater vests and shit and get yourself some Affliction t-shirts and fitted caps, bro. Famous Stars and Straps are hella tight. Any Christian Audiger shit or stuff that says Hollywood or has strippers on it and shit is cool too. F**king ALPHA. Make sure you have some new dunks or Jordans on, bro, none of that pussy Converse stuff.

If you’re hella cool and alpha like I am, don’t be afraid to wear leather pants. They make your balls smell like a whore but they look SO F**KING ALPHA that bitches will be like, trying to rip them off you all the time and shit. So if you do wear them, you should probably know how to sew, dude. On account of all the ripping, I mean.

Next you gotta make sure that you’re listening to the right music. Of course, Buckcherry is the most alpha band of them all, that goes without saying. If you don’t agree, you may as well stop reading right now because you’re never gonna RAWK with that attitude, bro. Also I’ll kick your f**kin’ ass so get your shit together and start liking Buckcherry right f**king now, bro! I’m getting hella pissed at you right now… I’m gonna go pump some iron and blow off some steam before I jump right through your screen and choke your f**kin’ neck, you f**kin’ dork.

…

Ok, I’m back. Sorry about that, dude, I just get so f**king PISSED when people don’t understand how ALPHA Buckcherry are. WHOO! It’s, like, retarded bro. There’s other bands that are cool too though. Hinder is pretty sweet, Motley Crue, Saliva, shit like that. Guns and Roses have that one song, “Paradise City” that I like to sing at karaoke and shit. I don’t even care if there other people have already sung that shit, like, 30 times before me bro, I just can’t get enough of it. Just don’t let me catch you listening to any of that lame f**kin’ indie shit, bro. That stuff is for pencil-neck dweebs and college boys, not alpha dogs like you and me. Read the rest of this entry →

A totally ALPHA review by BuckCherryFan420!

By BuckCherryFan420

Yo, so like, when MongoNation asked me to review the new Buckcherry, I was all like “Dude, bro, fuckin’ Buckcherry riiight? Crazy Bitch! Whoo! Hell yeah! They’re THE SHIT! Fuckin’ A.”

So like it took me kind of awhile to calm the fuck down and like really LISTEN to the album, bro, because it just gets me so fuckin’ PUMPED! Yeah! I had to smoke like a pound of fuckin’ weed and do like 1000 push-ups before I could chill out and like, receive the message, bro.

Me putting up 350 because I am so fucking alpha!

The new Album is called “Black Butterfly”, which is hella deep and shit because butterflys are like hella delicate and shit, but the color black is like hella hard. The first song is called “Rescue Me” and I’m pretty sure that it’s about whipping out your cock and telling some bitch to eat! Fuckin’ alpha, bro. Fuckin’ Buckcherry man. Hella tight. The next song is “Tired of You” and it’s about being tired of some bitch, something that we all have experienced bro. I don’t know about that “Too Drunk To Fuck” song though, dude. That shit ‘ain’t never happened to me bro.

There’s like a sorta faggy song after that about dreams or something but sometimes you gottta have songs like that to get bitches turned on and stuff, they like that sensitive shit. But then Buckcherry makes up for it with the very next song, which is about getting’ pussy, bro. Fuckin’ A!

Check out these sluts making out! That shit is so hot bro!

“A Child Called It” is like about being pissed at your mom or something. This kinda shit makes me lose a little respect for Buckcherry, man, I gotta tell you. I don’t wanna hear about your mom, dude, unless it’s like how big her tits are or how bad she wants to fuck me, bro. You know what I’m saying? Then there’s this song that’s like this real romantic motherfucker, like something you’d play at your wedding if you were gonna like settle down with like one bitch for the rest of your life or whatever. I would never do that but I’m just saying that’s when you would like totally rock this song bro. Read the rest of this entry →

Pic somewhat related…

Now I’m not usually one to advocate cock-rock bands like Buckcherry, (even if they did once do a totally sweet cover of “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama) but one thing that I am an advocate of is titties in videos. After all, music videos have always banked on sexy babes to sell the band, that’s nothing new. And now that MTV doesn’t show videos any more, there’s nothing stopping sleazy rock bands from telling the girls to just go ahead and take off their goddamn tops already, amirite? It’s only going to be seen on the Internet anyway, so why not? Check out the X-rated video for Buckcherry’s “Too Drunk to Fuck” right here, which I can assure you is not a cover or of the old Dead Kennedy’s song. But be warned that, like the Hollywood Undead video posted last week, it is totally NSFW!