Mongo Nation

Except for, like, most of them actually were…

By Jeremy Azevedo

It took me ages to get around to finishing this book, which has physically been through hell in a remarkable parallel to the stories contained within…

…This book has been lost, found, forgotten (due to the recent purchase of an Xbox 360), dropped into a toilet at a cabin in Big Bear, left outside to dry, been run over, gone camping, been sexually harassed by an older book on MySpace, and found out that it was adopted. Nevertheless, I proudly soldiered on so that I could pass along my opinion to the three or four of you out there that actually still read books. So without further ado, please enjoy the long awaited review of “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movies never Made”!

Originally published in 2002, David Hughes’ recently revised book, “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movies Never Made” is an exhaustively researched and immensely fascinating look into just how inept the studio system really is. Even when handed over an incredible story that really require very little embellishment, every single one of these films quickly spirals out of control, with numerous screenwriters pushing the story further and further out of context, budgets spiraling out of control, and a revolving door of star directors and actors collecting paychecks to talk about what could have been in interviews. The title of the book is a little misleading because most of these movies actually have been made by now. But it’s more about what the movies could have been than it is about incomplete projects.

A page from Kevin Smith’s lost Superman script (lovingly rendered in crayon), in which Superman saves NASCAR from a diabolical monkey and says the word “feltch” a lot.

What’s truly fascinating about some of these stories, each of which plays out like it’s own individual little spy novel, is how some of the scripts that fail have their carcasses stripped and re-purposed for other films. “Men in Black” was essentially all the best parts of “The Tourist”, minus the dark drama elements. Spielberg’s horror picture “Night Skies” became “E.T.”, of all things. “EL Topo” director Alejandro Jodorowsky’s “Dune” became David Lynch’s “Dune”. It becomes apparent to the reader how important and universal some of the themes in science fiction really are (as well as how difficult it can be to protect one’s intellectual property). Read the rest of this entry →

Rare instances in which number 2 is number 1

By Jeremy Azevedo

Everyone knows that nine times out of ten, movie sequels suck so bad that they make you want to bash your head in with a petrified movie theater hot dog. Painful and unnecessary, they represent the unchecked greed that is destroying our entertainment industry, and the stupidity of the people that they are marketed to.

Except for these sequels listed here, which were all freakin’ sweet! Each and every one of the following films were even better than the originals, most (but not all) of which were pretty great to begin with. Please note that planned trilogies were considered for the list, as the second movie in any trilogy (except the Matrix) is always the best in the series and therefore unfair to include. So if you’re looking for Empire, the The Two Towers or Godfather 2, go look up some hack-job AFI list instead.

The Dark Knight

While Batman Begins was a far sight better than the couple of lame-o Batman movies that preceded it, there were still one or two problems with it. It had too much painfully redundant origin stuff, and lacked a truly memorable villain. Plus, Katie Holmes was intolerably out of place (bad actress, way too young to be the D.A. of Gotham, not even that hot to make up for it, etc.). The Dark Knight corrected all of these problems, nixing Holmes, adding The Joker and Two Face to the mix, dispensing with all the lame origin bullshit and getting right into the action. Everything about The Dark Knight was better in every way, and has the box office numbers to back it up. I still say it was about an hour too long though. Read the rest of this entry →