My Week of Consumer Electronics and Adult Entertainment 0
Notes from what was quite possibly the single dorkiest trip to Vegas of all time!
 By Jeremy Azevedo |
If you watched “The Hangover“ last year, your perception of what goes on in Vegas probably involves lots of drinking, drugs, gambling and strippers. And that’s generally accurate any other time but this. |
Early January is the one time of year in which Vegas invites all the world’s nerds to come stay at their world class, tacky hotels and check out the latest technology at the annual Consumer Electronic Show (or CES for short). Thursday through Sunday, truckloads of dorks ship in from all corners of the Earth to stare slack-jawed at remarkable new inventions like 3D televisions and USB powered, internet-enabled personal massagers. It’s basically like being at Epcot Center in Orlando, Florida, except when you are walking back to your room, someone offers to sell you cocaine.
It smells like a Radio Shack in here.
I had the very fortuitous opportunity to attend the show this year, and although I spent most of the time slaving a camera around for someone else’s amusement like a human pack-mule, I did have a chance to see some of the wonders that the show had to offer. One of the first things that really jumped out at me was the Intel’s “Infoscape Wall”. Basically it’s an enormous, scrolling news feed for the largely illiterate people of the future. Instead of reading links and clicking on the stories you want to read about, you touch the picture of the man with the beard or the nice lady with the blonde hair and receive a Cliffs Notes version of the coinciding story.
Next we had a look at 3D televisions, which I was surprised to find were both awesome and reasonably priced. In fact, it’s been said that they won’t be any more or less than a standard high-def TV, which is great news for gamers and sports fans. Now I don’t watch sports much myself, but I think that a 3D television could have a hand in changing that if what I saw was any indication. Especially boxing and football, which look about ten times more brutal when you factor in the added context of depth to the impact on human flesh. Nasty stuff. The Avatar game in 3D was even better, so good in fact that I would actually play it if I had a 3D television. I would even play shitty Wii Carnival Games on this if that’s all there was, that’s how awesome the 3D is.
3D television is approximately THIS awesome in person! Whoa!
Now I know that your first question in regards to this is probably going to be about porno in 3D, and the answer is “I don’t know”. I didn’t see any. If you weren’t a virgin, you could probably imagine what it would look like though. What I can tell you though, is that if you’ve ever seen a porn star up close in real life, you’d know that all the 3D, HD high-res camera tricks couldn’t possibly make the chicks look any less beat. Trust me, you’re better off sticking (uh huh-huh, huh!) to your collection of vintage 1990s VHS tapes. Read the rest of this entry →
