We take a look at some of the sexiest, most influential women ever to be chased around by a guy in a Halloween mask.
By Jeremy Azevedo
Say what you will about Rob Zombie, but the dude knows his horror. More specifically, he knows his scream queens, as evidenced by the cast of Halloween II. Now some of you (or more specifically, those of you that wear your underwear on the outside of your pants and are required by law to wear a helmet when riding in a car) may be wondering what is a “scream queen”?
Well, it’s funny that you should ask, because not only am I going to tell you what a scream queen is, I’m also going to provide you with examples.
A scream queen is an actress that is known for appearing in horror movies with a certain amount of regularity. That’s pretty much it. There are many different kinds of scream queens, ranging from the innocent “last girl” to the victim, the horny teen and even sometimes the aggressor. But the one thing that they all have in common is that at some point in whichever movie they appear in, there will be a scene in which they run around screaming while someone is trying to stab or bludgeon them or whatever. Hence the name, “scream queen”. Simple enough?
Now that the definitions are out of the way, following is a list of our favorite scream queens from horror movies past and present:
Scout Taylor-Compton
Of course you’ll recognize Scout from Mr. Zombie’s recent Halloween remakes, playing the part of victim du jour, Laurie Strode. In playing the part of the “last girl”, Scout has great potential to keep working in the genre. The reasons for this are twofold: One, the last girl is generally the star of the movie. Because they are typically cute in that sort of way that allows them to play a teenager well into their thirties, “last girl” archetypes like Scout can potentially keep this role going for years to come. Second, she doesn’t take off her top, which separates her from the “horny teen” character role that usually gets killed in the first third of every horror movie. This isn’t really an ideal role to have because eventually, audiences get tired of seeing the same chick’s tits over and over and they move on to the next thing. I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing a lot more of Scout in the near future, especially since she’s going to be playing Lita Ford in “The Runaways”, which is obviously not a horror film but is still totally awesome.
Sarah Michellle Gellar
Not only was she Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but SMG (as I like to call her) has also starred in numerous horror films, most notably “Scream 2″, “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and “The Grudge”. She also played Daphne in the “Scooby Doo” movies, but I don’t think those films technically count as horror films because the ghosts always turn out to be a carnie or a creepy professor or something like that in the end.
Asia Argento
The daughter of famed Italian horror/suspense director Dario Argento, Asia Argento is the prototype for the “Suicide Girls” generation of scream queens to follow in her footsteps. With dark hair, tattoos, a propensity for nudity and a near constant sneer, Asia is instantly recognizable to American horror fans despite the fact that most of her films are in Italian. Read the rest of this entry →
Our handy quiz helps you gauge your own level of Juggalosity.
By Jeremy Azevedo
Juggalos are perhaps the most misunderstood of all the various groups in American youth culture. Millions of fat, unwashed losers building what essentially boils down to a cult around a handful of rapping clowns because they don’t have shit else to do…
Actually I think they may just be understood only too well, come to think of it.
The problem, more than anything, comes with identification. Fully-mutated Juggalos are easily identifiable by the way they go around yelling “Juggalos for life!” wearing head-to-toe ICP merch wherever they go and adding “-alo” to the end of their sentences in some kind of f**ked up bastardization of pig-Latin or something. But how do we identify the ones that are yet to turn, and stop them before it’s too late? Maybe now is a good time to look at yourself and ask, “Am I part of the problem that’s making America look even stupider to those smug European assholes over there, laughing at us while they chomp down on their tea and crumpets?”
Take this quiz and find out!
Question1: My favorite band is:
A.)Bubba Sparks
B.)Vanilla Ice
C.)Three 6 Mafia
D.)ICP
Fact: Juggalos are defined by their unerring love for rapping clowns. If you picked D, you are almost certainly a Juggalo. Picking A is a bit of a trick question… (Normal people would assume that Bubba Sparxxx is exactly the kind of artist that Juggalos would embrace: A dumb, talentless, rapping whigger.) However, any Juggalo will tell you that Bubba Sparxxx is the only person to ever be booed off the stage at a “Juggalo Gathering”. If you picked A, it’s more likely that you’re a hillbilly who time-travelled into the future from the year 2001 to warn us not to drink the moonshine that you would bring to market in 2010 that made everyone go blind and shit their livers out.
Question 2: My ideal woman is:
A.)A hot chick with big boobs.
B.)A hot chick with big boobs dressed in all black.
C.)A hot chick with big boobs wearing clown face paint.
D.)A Juggalette. Also with big boobs.
Fact: Juggalos like boobs just like normal human males. The only difference is that they also have an affinity for early 90s rave/goth clothes with the pipe legs and the chains hanging everywhere and the face paint and various other shit that no hot chick would go within 100 miles of. You are about as likely to see a hot chick at a “Juggalo Gathering” as you are to meet a Juggalo attorney or a Juggalo neurosurgeon. Which is to say, not at all.
Question 3: The woman that I’m actually dating really looks more like:
A.)A hot chick with big boobs.
B.)A sorta fat chick that dyes her hair black even though she’s naturally a blonde.
C.)A morbidly obese chick with clown face paint.
D.)A disgusting fat-body of a hambeast that barely even resembles a human being anymore.
Fact: The truth hurts, especially when you are a Juggalo. This is why Juggalos band together into disorganized “families”, to bear their shameful hogging ways en masse. Read the rest of this entry →
LA Kings promote ice hockey with a bikini calendar? I’ll take it!
The LA Kings Ice Girls have a bikini calendar out this month. I’m not sure what bikinis and beaches have to do with ice hockey, but I’m certainly not complaining.
Like most American’s, I don’t watch hockey so I wouldn’t have known about this if it weren’t for my good friend Stephanie Tanner, whose job it is to skate around between periods and clean slush off the ice in a skimpy outfit while Canadian expats whistle at her through the gaps in their teeth.
Stephanie Tanner, not in any way related to the fictional character, Stephanie Tanner, of “Full House” fame.
Check out the behind the scenes video from the photo shoot, it’s actually pretty hawt:
Buy your own copy of the LA Kings Ice Crew Jackoff Calendar on their official website, and also be sure to read all the girl’s bios so you can know all kinds of personal information about them when you stalk them in the parking lot outside the arena this season! Yeah!
Finally, a proper award show for the nerds that actually play the games being awarded!
For those of you that are interested in video game awards, but find the “Spike TV Video Game Awards” to be a bit too much of a glorified commercial (though not in an awesome way, like “The Wizard”), there is an alternative.
Our friends at Machinima are scooping Spike TV the night before their award show with an award show of their own, to be hosted on their insanely popular YouTube channel. The “Inside Gaming Awards” will air the first of two special episodes on Black Friday (Nov. 27th) in which Inside Gaming host The Dead Pixel will announce over 90 nominations across 18 categories including Game of the Year, Best DLC, Best Art Direction and best dick joke in a teen-rated game.
Actually, I may have made that last one up.Not that I’d be surprised to see this category included. For an example as to why, check out their latest episode:
On December 11th, right before Spike TV televises their award show, “Inside Gaming” will host an offline awards ceremony in Santa Monica, CA, and announce their own winners. On August 11th of the following year, Machinima will not be invited to Spike TV’s birthday party for cock blocking them several months prior.
Anyway, the moral of this story is that you should watch the first “Inside Gaming Awards” special on Machinima, this Friday, while your dumb family members get trampled to death at 6am sales for shit they could’ve bought for less on eBay any other time of the year but don’t know how to operate a computer. And don’t forget to watch the results show on December 15th, in which Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 will undoubtedly have swept every award despite being nearly identical to the previous games in the series. (Although, I’m personally pulling for Borderlands, FTW!)
These five Inglorious Basterds comic book covers, made up to look like throwback Jack Kirby style action/adventure books, have been making the rounds on the Internet over the past few days. It isn’t clear whether or not these will be the covers for an actual printed comic book, or just posters/promotional items for the upcoming DVD release. All I can tell you for certain is that they are awesome.
Quentin Tarantino has built a career off of a stylistic presentation of cultish nostalgia, and this artwork is another good example of that. Had I seen these prior to seeing the film, I would have assumed that they were from some obscure Sgt. Rock or Nick Fury spin-off that I’d somehow overlooked. The authenticity of detail is impressive. Check out the five covers right here:
