Mongo Nation

By Jeremy Azevedo

It’s the end of the summer, the Olympics are over,  and the political media coverage bias is beginning to sound like a wall of douchebag celebrity-approved, Obama worshiping white noise. For the love of god, where can one go to drown it all out?

The answer, of course, is the September Free MP3 Roundup! Try something new for once, because the one thing that we all want is change, amirite?

Artist: Yeti
Song: Deep Creek

Yeti is keeping the torch lit for southern-style metal in the vein of Pantera and Corrosion of Conformity while at the same time injecting it with modern, Hollywood hardcore attitude. “Deep Creek” may just be the most brutal metal song you will hear all year… Yeti is definitely a band to watch out for in the coming months!

Deep Creek

Artist: Street Dogs
Song: Two Angry Kids

If the Street Dogs sound a lot like Dropkick Murphys to you, it’s probably because they share the same lead singer, Mike McColgan, who left Dropkick in ’98 to try out firefighting, but returned to performing music full time in 2002 with Street Dogs. It’s everything you’d expect from an Irish punk rock band, which is always a good time.

Two Angry Kids

Artist: Saviours
Song: Cavern Of Mind

If there were such a thing as “Desert Metal”, Saviours would be at the head of the scene. Dusty, dry and savage, they sound like the sonic equivalent of a Mad Max movie. Fans of stoner metal acts like The Sword and Early Man will love “Cavern of Mind”.

Cavern of Mind

Artist: The Mighty Underdogs
Song: The Anthem

The Mighty Underdogs are a hip-hop super-group consisting of Gift of Gab (Blackalicious), Lateef the Truth Speaker (Quannum Projects) and Headnodic (Crown City Rockers). If you don’t recognize any of these names, you need to retire the Lil’ Wayne/Flip/Bow-Wow CD or whatever and get with the program, you f**kin’ slacker!

The Anthem

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DMX is the one of the most awesomely crazy people in the music industry, hands down. When he’s not busy recording “gospel” music, carjacking automobiles at the fucking airport while posing as a federal agent, running pit bull fighting rings, selling and taking drugs, and accusing women of “raping” him, he somehow finds the time to do interviews.

In this excerpt from an interview he did with XXL, the interviewer made the mistake of asking DMX what he thought about the likelihood of Obama becoming president. His response further cemented his reputation as being crazier than a shithouse rat, and is guaranteed to provide you with great LULZ:

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
Nope.

Is that why you’re not following it?
No, because it’s just—it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. It doesn’t really make a difference. These are the last years.

But it would be pretty big if we had a first Black president. That would be huge.
I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”

Right, exactly.
It’s all a fuckin’ setup. It’s all a setup. All fuckin’ bullshit. All bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about none of that.

We could have a female president also, Hillary Clinton.
I mean, either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. No one person is directly affected by which president, you know, so what does it matter.

Yeah, but the country is.
I guess. The president is a puppet anyway. The president don’t make no damn decisions.

The president…they don’t have that much authority basically?
Nah, never.

But Bush pretty much…
You think Bush is making fuckin’ decisions?

He did, yeah, he fucked up the country.
He act like he making decisions. He could barely speak! He could barely fuckin’ speak!
Can’t be serious. He ain’t making no damn decisions.

Well Barack has a good chance of winning so that might be something.
Good for him, good for him.

Interview Source

Pic somewhat related…

Now I’m not usually one to advocate cock-rock bands like Buckcherry, (even if they did once do a totally sweet cover of “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama) but one thing that I am an advocate of is titties in videos. After all, music videos have always banked on sexy babes to sell the band, that’s nothing new. And now that MTV doesn’t show videos any more, there’s nothing stopping sleazy rock bands from telling the girls to just go ahead and take off their goddamn tops already, amirite? It’s only going to be seen on the Internet anyway, so why not? Check out the X-rated video for Buckcherry’s “Too Drunk to Fuck” right here, which I can assure you is not a cover or of the old Dead Kennedy’s song. But be warned that, like the Hollywood Undead video posted last week, it is totally NSFW!

If you’ve ever been on MySpace, you’ve probably at some point heard mention of the “Hollywood Undead”, a band that has over 41 million song plays on the site and sells shit-tons of merch despite the fact that their debut album doesn’t come out until September ‘08 and they just played their first ever live show less than a month ago. In their new video for the song “Undead”, prolific music video director Jonas Akerlund has been employed to produce the most depraved music video any of us may have ever seen, a brilliant marketing ploy that is sure to generate an obscene amount of parental outrage/media attention/astronomical record sales. Check the video out here, but be warned, it’s pretty graphic/awesome!

August’s CD Pre-Releases in 20 Words Or Less!

By Jeremy Azevedo

Once again, I find my self waist-deep in obscure CDs and without the heart to deny them a proper mention of some sort.

In the interest of saving myself a hell of a lot of work, I’ve condensed all of the reviews for the aforementioned albums to 20 words or less. Coincidentally, this makes them significantly more enjoyable to read. It’s a win/win situation!

The Lost Boys: The Tribe Soundtrack

Exactly what you’d expect the soundtrack to a straight-to-DVD movie would sound like.

The Empty Mirror: Overwhelm

Sounds like it was recorded in a gas station restroom. Probably was. Named after a movie about Hitler.

Birdmonster: From the Mountain to the Sea

Has nothing to do with either birds or monsters, sadly. Turned down record deals in favor of self-distribution, lol!

Staind: Illusion of Progress

Staind, Nickelback, 3 Doors Down, Hinder, Puddle of Mudd, blah, blah, blah. It’s all shit and it’s all the same.

The Mighty Underdogs: Droppin’ Science Fiction

Gift of Gab and Lateef and Headnodic in the same group? What? A full review is in the works.

Jacks Mannequin: The Glass Passenger

Piano music for little crybabies to listen to while performing auto-erotic asphyxiation to TV Medical dramas. What?

Walkmen: You & Me

Their slowest, most boring album to date. The singer sounds kinda like Rod Stewart sometimes though, which is sorta neat.

RIAA Certified evidence that we’re all a bunch of gullible asswipes.

By Jeremy Azevedo

Diamond albums are records that are certified b the RIAA to have sold upwards of ten million copies in their lifetime. Some people are misinformed into thinking that this is an honor held by only the most successful and deserving of artists. Sadly, this is not always the case. To illustrate this fact, we have complied a short list of the ten worst albums to ever go Diamond…

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Matchbox 20 Yourself or Someone Like You 12 million

You have these assholes to thank for much of the bad, pussy emo lite-rock shit that’s raping the ear-holes of America to this day. And you have singer Rob Thomas to thank for even managing to make Carlos Santana annoying.

Ace of Base The Sign 10 million

Hey the Ace of Base, remember them? They were sort of like ABBA, because, um, they were Swedih right? And sort of, like, poppy? And their names started with the letter “A”? Don’t stress yourself out trying to recall, it isn’t worth the effort. Let’s just try and forget that there was ever this desperate of a need for Swedish euro-pop and try and move on with our lives.

Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet 12 million

I hate this album for making karaoke horrible in all but the most clandestine of environments. Not once in my life have I been in a popular karaoke bar in which one out of every three songs was not a Bon Jovi song. Bon Jovi songs aren’t even good to begin with, and the karaoke equivalents are not much better. If you are one of the many legions of mongoloids that think it’s funny to sing “Living on a Prayer” at the top of your lungs with a large throng of your mouth-breathing friends (in public, no less), you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s obnoxious. So stop.

Creed Human Clay 11 million

Ever sinceAH Creed came out, douchebagsAH have been singingAH in this unbearable styleAH. I hopeAH all the peopleAH that bought this albumAH get an infectionAH in their peeholeAH. Read the rest of this entry →

Just another half-baked attempt to cash in

By Jeremy Azevedo

A friend and I were talking the other day about the state of the music industry and the proliferation of “hip” bands rising meteorically from Silverlake and Echo park like bottle rockets on the 4th of July, exciting at first, but ultimately fizzling out in a disappointing spectacle of epic fail.

The industry seems to take as fact the opinions of Silverlake/Echo Park hipsters, blindly firing record deals at every single band in the area and shotgunning them over the radio in a noisy hustle of sameness with really cool vintage outfits and ironic haircuts. After all, they were right about Beck and Silversun Pickups right? So why not The Airborne Toxic Event?

The problem with basing your business ventures on the whims of hipsters is that this is a sub culture of people that has no purpose or agenda, and no singular defining characteristic other than the OCD like quality to constantly be on the hunt for something “new” so they can pretend not to like the thing that was “new” last week. Not the best environment in which to try and cultivate a band that lasts for more than one or two albums.

C’mon, really?

The Airborne Toxic Event is just another run-of-the-mill Spaceland resident band, full of potential but still a bit undercooked. I am generally cautious about bands that have been together for less than two years, weren’t even in a real band prior to, and are being called one of the best bands on MySpace by Rolling Stone despite the fact that they have less than 10,000 friends on there, which by MySpace standards is pretty amateurish. Whose dick did they have to suck to get that name-drop, lol? Ooh, and guess what? The lead singer is a real writer, apparently! Somebody better call McSweeny’s, we gotta live one!

Don’t get me wrong, The Airborne Toxic Event has great potential, and that song they have on the radio, “Sometime Around Midnight”, almost sounds as over-produced as a real band that’s actually paid it’s dues for at least a couple of albums before selling out. It’s too bad that they’ll probably be abandoned by their notoriously fickle audience before they ever have a chance to record a second album, because that one might have actually been really great.

Rating: 10 out of 10 fake reviews on Amazon.com by people that work for the label or friends of theirs that have haven’t even heard the album yet.

Ladytron, MC Chris, The Futureheads and more!

By Jeremy Azevedo

If you can manage to stop going to see The Dark Knight over and over again, writing reviews about how great it is on your blog and constructing your homemade Batman cosplay outfit long enough to actually hear any music, this is what you should be listening to!

It’s what The Joker would have wanted.

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Artist: The Petes
Song: Edith

The Petes is the kind of band that we need more of, creating their own style while still honoring the classics that came before them. In a musical climate in which hipster assholes clamber over one another to copy each other’s foundationless style, it’s refreshing to hear a talented group of musicians actually focus on the songwriting for once.

Edith

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Artist: Ladytron
Song: Black Cat

Ladytron is one of the leaders of the current generation of dream-pop electronica. With their hard edge and gothic undertones, Ladytron will greatly appeal to fans of NIN, Joy Division, Depeche Mode and the Raveonettes.

Black Cat

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Artist: Albert Hammond, Jr.
Song: GfC

Albert Hammond Jr., for those who don’t already know, was (still is?) the guitarist for the Strokes. This makes him sorta like the George Harrison of skinny jean wearing, early 2000s indie garage rock. Even if you’re not a Strokes fan, there’s a lot to like in Albert’s solo work, as is demonstrated here on “GfC”.

GfC

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Artist: Dr. Dog
Song: The Old Days

Dr. Dog’s new album, Fate, is one of the best albums we have heard all year. There is no genre in existence that could effectively describe it. It’s like, if Modest Mouse was half as good as everyone says they are these days, they’d be Dr. Dog.

The Old Days

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Artist: Jukebox the Ghost
Song: Hold It In [Andrew Maury Remix]

Jukebox the Ghost is a quirky group of artists that look like an emo band but really sound more like Devo or something. “Hold It In” is really worth checking out for it’s unusual timing and fun, throwback production.

Hold It In [Andrew Maury Remix]

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Artist: MC Chris
Song: Nrrrd Grrrl

When MC Chris isn’t doing voices for Adult Swim shows like Sealab and Aqua Teen Hunger Force, he’s out rapping about nerd culture on Warped Tour. If you can get past the remarkably high pitch of his voice, you will find one of the most unique MCs out there. For synth-hop jams about Boba Fett and Animal Crossing, look no further than MC Chris.

Nrrrd Grrrl

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Artist: Qwel and Kip Killagain
Song: Agape Rain

Where did this guy come from? Apparently this dude has made something to the tune of 16 albums since 2000, and is notorious in the underground battle-rap scene in Chicago (there’s an underground battle rap scene in Chicago?). Anyway, all that hard work has paid off. Check out “Agape Rain”, it’s great stuff.

Agape Rain

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Artist: The Stills
Song: Being Here

The Stills are a rock band from Canada, that despite that glaring limitation, somehow manage to rock as hard as the best bands out there. Last month, they eve opened for Paul McCartney, if that tells you anything!

Being Here

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Artist: The Futureheads
Song: Broke Up the Time

The Futureheads are Post-punk band from the UK with a unique, youthful approach to New Wave music. Their new album, “This is Not the World” is about twice as fast as their last one, as is evidenced by their first single, “Broke Up the Time”.

Broke Up the Time

News from the worst week in human history since… last week

By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Some asshole hippy is asking people to vote on how he should destroy his $60,000, 2006 Range Rover SUV in a publicity stunt engineered to make him look some kind of environmental altruist or something…

Am I the only person who is growing tired of these privileged motherfuckers smugly rubbing their self-righteousness in the faces of citizens for whom that very same $60,000 might make save them from bankruptcy or home foreclosure? I hope he destroys it by personally driving it off a cliff, ridding the world of one more trust fund collecting prick bastard Nuevo-beatnik idiot while he’s at it.

Just look at this prick with his flip flops and cargo shorts and Ghostbusters T-shirt…

In other news, 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell for suggesting that he change his name to 79 Cent or some such for a day so that they can sell more tacos or whatever. 4 million dollars is what he’s asking for. If 50 Cent really gets 4 fucking million dollars because a shitty Taco chain made fun of his stupid ass name, I am going to shit a buffalo, that’s how pissed I will be. Fuck you, 50 Cent. Right in the bum.

Bitches don’t know ’bout my TACO TIME! Read the rest of this entry →

Over-hyped and under-delivered

By Jeremy Azevedo

Look, I’m just as guilty as anyone when it comes to accepting responsibility for encouraging the whole 80s synth revival thing. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen to check out local LA keytar heroes like Totally Radd!!, Rocket, Bedtime For Toys, This Blush, etc. for months, years even.

I haven’t been able to get enough of the stuff. You can dance to it, it always sounds epic due to the whole nostalgia thing, and it beats the hell out of nu-metal, that’s for goddamn sure. But a line has to be drawn, a line that differentiates real musicians ironically employing old pop conventions in fun new ways from the shameless cash-ins that clearly don’t know the difference between synth pop and disco. I draw that line right here, with the Black Kids debut album “Partie Traumatic”.

Detective: Can you please point out the ones that sucked, miss?
Victim: Yes officer, yes I can… It was… (sobs)… it was all of them!
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