Mongo Nation

A totally ALPHA review by BuckCherryFan420!

By BuckCherryFan420

Yo, so like, when MongoNation asked me to review the new Buckcherry, I was all like “Dude, bro, fuckin’ Buckcherry riiight? Crazy Bitch! Whoo! Hell yeah! They’re THE SHIT! Fuckin’ A.”

So like it took me kind of awhile to calm the fuck down and like really LISTEN to the album, bro, because it just gets me so fuckin’ PUMPED! Yeah! I had to smoke like a pound of fuckin’ weed and do like 1000 push-ups before I could chill out and like, receive the message, bro.

Me putting up 350 because I am so fucking alpha!

The new Album is called “Black Butterfly”, which is hella deep and shit because butterflys are like hella delicate and shit, but the color black is like hella hard. The first song is called “Rescue Me” and I’m pretty sure that it’s about whipping out your cock and telling some bitch to eat! Fuckin’ alpha, bro. Fuckin’ Buckcherry man. Hella tight. The next song is “Tired of You” and it’s about being tired of some bitch, something that we all have experienced bro. I don’t know about that “Too Drunk To Fuck” song though, dude. That shit ‘ain’t never happened to me bro.

There’s like a sorta faggy song after that about dreams or something but sometimes you gottta have songs like that to get bitches turned on and stuff, they like that sensitive shit. But then Buckcherry makes up for it with the very next song, which is about getting’ pussy, bro. Fuckin’ A!

Check out these sluts making out! That shit is so hot bro!

“A Child Called It” is like about being pissed at your mom or something. This kinda shit makes me lose a little respect for Buckcherry, man, I gotta tell you. I don’t wanna hear about your mom, dude, unless it’s like how big her tits are or how bad she wants to fuck me, bro. You know what I’m saying? Then there’s this song that’s like this real romantic motherfucker, like something you’d play at your wedding if you were gonna like settle down with like one bitch for the rest of your life or whatever. I would never do that but I’m just saying that’s when you would like totally rock this song bro. Read the rest of this entry →

September’s CD pre-releases in 20 words or less!

By Jeremy Azevedo

No matter how many unsolicited CDs I get in my mailbox every month, I try to at least give each and every one of them a fair shot at a review, no matter how much it may pain me to listen to some of them.

In the interest of saving myself a hell of a lot of work, I’ve condensed all of the reviews for the aforementioned albums to 20 words or less. Not only does this make my job easier, but it also makes the reviews more fun to read.

The Silent Years: The Globe

Pretty decent, atmospheric indie pop by a bunch of science dorks from Detroit. Wait, there are science dorks in Detroit?!

Common Market: Tobacco Road

One of the best hip-hop albums I’ve heard all year. A nice surprise from the burgeoning Seattle rap scene.

Late of the Pier: Echoclistel Lambietroy EP

The coolest thing about this band is that one of the dudes looks exactly like Ronald Weasley from Harry Potter.

Read the rest of this entry →

The week in news, filtered through Internet Hate Machine!

By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

Sooooo… Let me see if I have this straight: Notable asshole, multi-millionaire and former guitarist of Gn’R most in need of a haircut from this century is talking shit on the brave, hero blogger “Skwerl” that leaked Chinese Democracy on the Internets awhile back? Seriously?

Slash was quoted recently as saying that the leak “is going to affect the sales of the record, it’s not fair” and that he “hopes he (Skwerl) rots in jail”. WTF? Hurt the sales? WHAT FUCKING SALES, YOU STUPID BASTARD?! THE ALBUM IS NEVER GOING TO FUCKING COME OUT! And since when does Slash give a shit about Axl all of the sudden? He’s been talking shit on him for like 15 years. The same 15 years that Axl has been farting around on the studio working on his mysterious “masterpiece”. When Skwerl posted the tracks, it was like seeing fucking Bigfoot live, in the flesh. If anything, it may have lit a fire under Axl’s ass to actually finish the goddamn record already, so technically, Skwerl has just saved the label untold millions of dollars if you really think about it.

Oh man. This guy is making me so pissed, I need to change the subject before my hands jump through the screen against my will and strangle you as you read this.

The media is having a field day digging up dirt on Sarah Palin because they are all liberals and also because they think women belong in the kitchen and not in the White House… I, for one, think that their investigative efforts are being focused in entirely the wrong direction. I hereby officially declare “Rule 34” on Sara Palin! Rule 34 states that “If it exists, there is porn of it. No Exceptions”. Get to work, leftist America! At least some good may come out of your incongruously woman-hating hippy bullshit agenda!

If you work in the online industry in any capacity, you may have noticed how afraid many advertisers are to move forward with any video project that does not involve some minor TV celebrity in some capacity, no matter how talentless or obscure they may be. Recently, I have been noticing this trend bleeding into my video games, infecting them with fail. Kim Kardashin, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in “Face Breakers”? A whole goddamn game in which Nelly Furtado and Keith Urban play dodgeball and badminton against LeAnn Rimes and Fergie? Say it ain’t so! Pray to J that this trend gets squashed ASAP, unless you want your future to include paying $75 (adjusted for budget inflation) for a copy of Legend of Zelda starring Brody Jenner or maybe a new Tomb Raider starring Tila Tequila.

The Ghostbusters game, despite being billed as the “official” sequel to the movies, written by and starring the original cast, has been postponed and possibly even cancelled. Then we come to find that the producers of The Office are running their mouths about writing a sequel themselves, probably as a CGI animated movie because Bill Murray won’t do a live action Ghostbusters. So instead of playing a rad CGI game about Ghostbusters written by Ramis and Akroyd, we are expected to settle for watching a bullshit CGI movie by two assholes whose greatest achievement to date has been ripping off a sitcom from BBC television? This better be a lie. If I am denied the joy of pretending that my Wiimote is a particle beam accelerator because of this, I’m going to be good and pissed! Like even more so than usual, I mean.

Hugs,
The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

By Jeremy Azevedo

It’s the end of the summer, the Olympics are over,  and the political media coverage bias is beginning to sound like a wall of douchebag celebrity-approved, Obama worshiping white noise. For the love of god, where can one go to drown it all out?

The answer, of course, is the September Free MP3 Roundup! Try something new for once, because the one thing that we all want is change, amirite?

Artist: Yeti
Song: Deep Creek

Yeti is keeping the torch lit for southern-style metal in the vein of Pantera and Corrosion of Conformity while at the same time injecting it with modern, Hollywood hardcore attitude. “Deep Creek” may just be the most brutal metal song you will hear all year… Yeti is definitely a band to watch out for in the coming months!

Deep Creek

Artist: Street Dogs
Song: Two Angry Kids

If the Street Dogs sound a lot like Dropkick Murphys to you, it’s probably because they share the same lead singer, Mike McColgan, who left Dropkick in ’98 to try out firefighting, but returned to performing music full time in 2002 with Street Dogs. It’s everything you’d expect from an Irish punk rock band, which is always a good time.

Two Angry Kids

Artist: Saviours
Song: Cavern Of Mind

If there were such a thing as “Desert Metal”, Saviours would be at the head of the scene. Dusty, dry and savage, they sound like the sonic equivalent of a Mad Max movie. Fans of stoner metal acts like The Sword and Early Man will love “Cavern of Mind”.

Cavern of Mind

Artist: The Mighty Underdogs
Song: The Anthem

The Mighty Underdogs are a hip-hop super-group consisting of Gift of Gab (Blackalicious), Lateef the Truth Speaker (Quannum Projects) and Headnodic (Crown City Rockers). If you don’t recognize any of these names, you need to retire the Lil’ Wayne/Flip/Bow-Wow CD or whatever and get with the program, you f**kin’ slacker!

The Anthem

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DMX is the one of the most awesomely crazy people in the music industry, hands down. When he’s not busy recording “gospel” music, carjacking automobiles at the fucking airport while posing as a federal agent, running pit bull fighting rings, selling and taking drugs, and accusing women of “raping” him, he somehow finds the time to do interviews.

In this excerpt from an interview he did with XXL, the interviewer made the mistake of asking DMX what he thought about the likelihood of Obama becoming president. His response further cemented his reputation as being crazier than a shithouse rat, and is guaranteed to provide you with great LULZ:

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
Nope.

Is that why you’re not following it?
No, because it’s just—it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. It doesn’t really make a difference. These are the last years.

But it would be pretty big if we had a first Black president. That would be huge.
I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”

Right, exactly.
It’s all a fuckin’ setup. It’s all a setup. All fuckin’ bullshit. All bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about none of that.

We could have a female president also, Hillary Clinton.
I mean, either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. No one person is directly affected by which president, you know, so what does it matter.

Yeah, but the country is.
I guess. The president is a puppet anyway. The president don’t make no damn decisions.

The president…they don’t have that much authority basically?
Nah, never.

But Bush pretty much…
You think Bush is making fuckin’ decisions?

He did, yeah, he fucked up the country.
He act like he making decisions. He could barely speak! He could barely fuckin’ speak!
Can’t be serious. He ain’t making no damn decisions.

Well Barack has a good chance of winning so that might be something.
Good for him, good for him.

Interview Source

Pic somewhat related…

Now I’m not usually one to advocate cock-rock bands like Buckcherry, (even if they did once do a totally sweet cover of “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama) but one thing that I am an advocate of is titties in videos. After all, music videos have always banked on sexy babes to sell the band, that’s nothing new. And now that MTV doesn’t show videos any more, there’s nothing stopping sleazy rock bands from telling the girls to just go ahead and take off their goddamn tops already, amirite? It’s only going to be seen on the Internet anyway, so why not? Check out the X-rated video for Buckcherry’s “Too Drunk to Fuck” right here, which I can assure you is not a cover or of the old Dead Kennedy’s song. But be warned that, like the Hollywood Undead video posted last week, it is totally NSFW!