Mongo Nation

What it lacks in vowels, it more than makes up for in style.

By Jeremy Azevedo

With all the hundreds of crappy iPod speakers to choose from, it’s easy to pick one that doesn’t work as advertised or leaves you generally underwhelmed.

The Livespeakr is perhaps the first portable speaker I’ve come across that actually does everything that it says it can do, provided that you have an iPhone or an iPod Touch (Minis, Nanos, etc. are not supported by this speaker system).

Now you might say “Hey WTF do you mean the Livespeakr doesn’t support my Nano? Why can’t they include like an adaptor or something?” To which I would answer, “Hey asshole, why don’t you save your questions until the end of the article? I’m trying to tell you why right now, man.” You see, the Livespeakr is designed specifically for the iPhone or iPod Touch because it’s not just a speaker. It’s also a Transformer. Not one that turns into, like, a vehicle or a robot or anything, though it does have three distinct forms.

An artist’s rendering of the Livespeakr mid-transformation.

In its first position, the Livespeakr acts as your usual speaker dock, with the iPod sitting upright between the two speakers. It sounds great, and you can turn it up loud enough to annoy the living shit out of the guys fishing next to you (like I did) without experiencing any distortion. (Protip: Fish love loud music!) If you happen to be using an iPhone, this position also works great as a speakerphone on your desk or whatever. It doesn’t really work for hands free calling in your car where you’d actually need it, but it’s nice to know that you could conceivably talk on the phone to your girlfriend while using both your hands to surf porn or play video games or whatever it is that you do with your hands when they aren’t glued to your iPhone.

Guess what else? You can flip your Livespeakr sideways for optimal video viewing too! This is great for watching movies while driving: You just set your car on cruise control and set the Livespeakr on your dashboard. Catch up on Dexter while you commute to work! This is also great if you can’t afford a TV because you spent all your money on an iPod Touch… It’s just like having a flat screen LCD or Plasma only much, much smaller.

The Livespeakr works great next to the pool, or a ceramic pigeon.

When you’re done with your Livespeakr, you can fold it up like a switchblade, and store it in the handy little velvet carrying case that it comes with. The velvet also feels really nice against your face, unless you have a beard, in which case you probably couldn’t even feel it. Your loss, man. But bearded or not, anyone with an iPhone or iPod Touch should purchase this handy device, which is a lot of fun to transform back and forth until your girlfriend tells you to “stop making that clicking noise like some kind of retard”. I’m telling you, the Livespeakr goes so loud you’ll be all like “What?! I can’t hear you!” and keep on doing it. Recommended!