The Five Most Common Types of Movie Fanboys
Which type of movie geek are you?
You may or may not have noticed that in the last several years, nerd culture has been slowly overtaking the entertainment industry… Nearly every blockbuster film that comes out is either based on a comic book or a (sci-fi novelist) Philip K. Dick story, and is accompanied by a flurry of Internet debate over the “realism” and the adherence to the source material of each project. But to the common man or woman, the only real question is:
“Why is it that there are so many dorks dressed up in stupid homemade costumes every time I go to the movie theater?”
In order to help you better understand this confusing phenomenon, we have put together profiles on the five most common types of Fanboys that you may encounter in your daily life.
Star Wars Nerds
Not even weddings are off-limits for these people…
Star Wars nerds are easy to spot. Even if, on the off chance, they can resist the urge to dress up as their favorite Jedi/alien/Storm Trooper, you can bet that they will at the very least be packing a lightsaber somewhere on their person. And I’m not talking about “in the pants”, either. I mean an actual plastic toy lightsaber, or possibly even something as pathetic as a flashlight with buttons glued onto it or something along those lines.
Star Wars nerds are known for their love of trivia and furry mammals (wookies, ewoks, etc.) and may be at risk for furry-related behavior as a result. Star Wars nerds hate Star Trek nerds with the passion of 1,000 exploding suns and will engage them in verbal insults and slap fight upon sight. Star Wars nerds are easily distracted by the site of a women dressed in Princess Leia’s “slave garb”, no matter how heinous that women might actually appear in street clothes.
Star Trek Nerds
Wow. Just… Wow.
Star Trek nerds appear almost unanimously in Star Fleet uniforms, save for small sub-sects that may appear as Klingons or the Borg. At studio hosted Star Trek events it may even be customary to find sexy models painted green. (This does not occur in the real world, ever).
All Star Trek nerds can speak Klingon, always use Linux and are virgins. Star Trek nerds are indifferent toward fantasy, superhero and horror nerds but will attack Star Wars nerds without hesitation, often to argue about whether or not Star Trek science is/was/will be more believable than Star Wars technology. Star Trek nerds are sometimes mistaken for Scientologists, except for the fact that no one famous (save for William Shatner, arguably) would ever be caught dead at a Star Trek convention. Yes, Star Trek nerds have “conventions”.
Superhero Nerds
I think Spider-Ham wants to eat that dog…
This type of nerd will always dress up as their favorite character, which is almost always one of the following five: Spider-Man, Wolverine, Batman, the Punisher and Wonder Woman. This is the second-most female friendly nerd category, believe it or not. This may be because even the world’s most plain-Jane hank-monster can become the belle of the ball by parading around in a skin-tight superheroine costume at Comic Con for a day.
Because of the overwhelming popularity of super hero movies in the last decade, this group is currently the largest and most recognized. It is also the group most likely to cause shame and embarrassment to it’s practitioners 5 years from now when it’s no longer welcome in mainstream society, and everyone has pictures of you dressed as Aquaman, in tights, in public, eating a Mc Fish sandwich and adjusting your codpiece at the same time.
Fantasy Nerds
The hardest part is deciding which one to wedgie first.
Fantasy nerds are likely to extend their love of Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter movies into other activities such as Live Action Role Playing (LARPing) and Dungeons & Dragons. The Fantasy nerd spends the largest amount of their income on their hobby, purchasing videogames, books, collectible card games, and official movie prop-replicas from the back pages of airline catalogues.
Roughly 25 % of Fantasy nerds are female, most of which play WOW in their free time and wear elf ears in public. Fantasy nerds believe that they can cast magical spells and commune with nature and stuff, but may not necessarily be hippies. Every single Fantasy nerd on earth owns at least one sword and/or bow and arrows.
Horror Nerds
Your garden-variety hardcore horror fans.
This nerd doesn’t think that they wear a costume but they do. You can spot them dressed in all black from head to toe, with their hair dyed black, non-functional chains and spikes sticking out of every orifice, and in black boots 3-inches thick… even in the dead of summer. Horror Nerds always look like they are about to go onstage in a Misfits cover band at all times, even when ordering a non-fat sugar free blueberry pomegranate latte at Starbucks.
If someone were to manufacture an energy drink that looks like blood but was actually just Gatorade, Horror nerds would pay no less than six dollars for it and drink it every day. Horror nerds love zombies and vampires but don’t appreciate it when you combine the two. Every Horror nerd will tell you that they don’t believe in ghosts, but if you locked them in a scary mansion for a night, I guarantee you that they will piss themselves within 30 minutes.
