5 cool books that even an illiterate like you can enjoy!
By Jeremy Azevedo
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably been planning to do a little reading this summer, but maybe don’t know what’s good now that there are no more Harry Potter books forthcoming. Or perhaps you haven’t got the time or attention span to work your way through a thousand-page “War and Peace” type beast of a novel…
Not a problem, we’ve compiled a reading list for you with your ADD in mind, a selection of books that you can flip through at a leisurely pace at the beach, by the pool, or in a Mexican prison cell!
Reckless Road: Guns N’ Roses and the Making of Appetite for Destruction
By Marc Canter and Jason Porath
Most, but certainly not all Guns N’ Roses fans know that Marc Canter, owner of Canter’s Deli in Hollywood, has been and continues to be essentially the unofficial sixth member of the band. What is surprising, though, is just how thoroughly he has documented the band’s arc, from the earliest days (and I’m talking childhood here) to the present. Any Guns N’ Roses fan would be a fool not to snag this book, which records the entire period of the band’s inception on through to their recording of Appetite for Destruction and the subsequent rise to fame that followed. “Reckless Road” is filled with first hand accounts from the band members themselves, their friends and former colleagues, Marc Canter and the even the various strippers/girlfriends (really, what’s the difference?) that were associated with the band at the time. Also included are never before seen photos, memorabilia and even early, hand-drawn fliers from Marc’s collection. Reckless Road is a must-read for anyone with even a passing interest in rock and roll.
Metal band plays at disgraced author’s book signing!
By Jeremy Azevedo
Do you remember the author, James Frey, who wrote “A Million Little Pieces”, a memoir that became an Oprah book club selection? And then it turns out that a lot of the stuff in the book was made up? Well it turns out that Frey is still working, despite being shamed on live television, has a new book out, and loves metal!
But this isn’t really about James Frey, really, although it was maybe supposed to be. See, Frey had it in his mind that having a rock band play at his book reading would make the whole show more entertaining, and perhaps even endear him to a younger crowd. As such, he hired heavy metal band “Black Tide” to play at his show, which was a free, all ages event… at Whiskey A Go Go in Hollywood of all places.
Now I’m not trying to make broad generalizations here, but in my own personal experience, metal heads are not known to be the most literate of people. Especially teenage metal heads that live in or near Hollywood. It became apparent fairly early on that the majority of the “guests” in attendance were only there for a free metal show. Words cannot describe how awkward the question and answer period after Frey’s reading was, but I can tell you that his frustration with the crowd was clearly obvious. And the guy that went before him? He looked like he was going to jump out of the window, if there even was one.
Anyway, the moral of the story was that I had an interview with the band afterward, the results of which I have taken some minor liberties with in order to punch things up (In the style of James Frey, of course). Following is my account of that interview with Black Tide bassist Zakk Sandler, and guitarist Lexx Nunez.
Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, is one of the pioneers of the B-movie subculture, responsible for countless hit cult movies such as The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD.
Troma has produced so many films in it’s thirty-plus years that you’d be hard pressed to find a celebrity worth a damn that hasn’t at some point crossed paths with Lloyd Kaufman’s long-running independent studio. In this segment, Lloyd talks about some of the people that got their start with Troma, the studio’s brief flirtations with the mainstream, and the uncertain future of a legacy in wholly independent cinema.
In an obvious bid to silence those that would accuse Activision of resting on it’s laurels while Rock Band evolves the music game genre far beyond the scope of Guitar Hero, The developer has made a shocking announcement in this month’s issue of Game Informer.
Apparently, the next installment of Guitar Hero will not only feature the addition of drums and vocals, but will also feature a six piece drum kit and a new guitar peripheral with an as-yet-unannounced new feature. No word yet on whether or not these new instruments will be compatible with Rock Band or vice-versa. But judging by the fact that the Rock Band drum kit is only a four piece, I’d say the chances are slim. I’d also say that both Activision and Harmonix are getting just a little bit carried away with all the goddamn controllers. How many more do they really expect consumers to buy?
Additionally, Guitar Hero 4 will allow greater customization of band members, logos, and instruments in-game. Of course, due to legal entanglements with former sponsor, Gibson, this may not include actual real-world instrument models. The really big news, though, is that this installment will raise the stakes one step further by allowing users to actually record their own music. That’s right, honest to goodness digital video game bands will soon be peddling their wares on MySpace. Obviously, Playstation 2 Guitar Heroes can suck it when it comes to actually uploading their custom creation on the web.
The only bands that have even a tentative confirmation for the game are Van Halen, The Eagles Linkin Park, Sublime and contest winners The Answer. No idea what songs will be featured yet, so don’t ask. You’re welcome to guess though!
The spawning pool of the nation’s hipster population!
By Jeremy Azevedo
Last week we examined some of the various characters that make up the landscape of art school, a magical place where people go for four to six years to escape reality and fritter away their parents’ money so that they can tell their fellow mortgage brokers that they “used to be a really talented artist” years later when their family cuts them off and they’re forced to get a real job.
Now you might ask yourself: “Gee whiz, is everyone that goes to art school an egocentric idiot with a funny haircut that exists in a fantasy world of their own making, oblivious to the fact that people don’t actually get paid to paint pictures of their nuts, and even if they did, they sure wouldn’t have learned how to do it in a school that charges double what a regular school would charge to learn something that’s actually useful?” The short answer is an emphatic “yes”, but since that was a very long question, the long answer lies withing the following profiles:
The Emotional Wreck
Way, way, waaaaay too much information. Every time.
The Emotional Wreck thinks that art school is like their therapy or something. Science is unable to explain why it is that The Emotional Wreck doesn’t just go see an actual therapist, which would not only be much cheaper, but also much more effective. The Emotional Wreck will always make the rest of the class uncomfortable with her film about being raped by her father, or her interior design project that reflects her uterus experiencing a third trimester miscarriage.
The Narcissist
I would have shooped my ears a little smaller, had it been me…
At least one person in every class in art school is a Narcissist. Every project by The Narcissist will be a self-portrait of some sort. The Narcissist is in art school to “take a swim in lake me” or some such bullshit. Not surprisingly, The Narcissist is also a chronic masturbator.
Anyone that spends any amount of time watching videos on the Internet is probably at least somewhat aware of Super Deluxe. For about a year and a half now, SD has been bringing us some of the best live action and animated work from a number of notable entertainers, from Bob Odenkirk and Norm Macdonald to Brad Neely and even Master P.
Sadly, Super Deluxe was not able to compete with the many competitors in the online video arena, mostly for the same reasons that everyone else is having trouble: the traffic and ad revenue doesn’t justify the amount spent on talent. Further compounding the problem is the fact that Super Deluxe is owned by TBS, who also owns Adult Swim, in essence creating two competing entities in the same network. And so it stands to reason that obvious course of action would be to combine the two properties.
It really is too bad that a lot of the shows on Super Deluxe never saw the breakout success that they rightly deserved, but hopefully we will see some of these series resurrected on Adult Swim’s site, and possibly even airing on the Adult Swim programming calendar on regular television. But for now, do yourself a favor and head over to Super Deluxe and check out some really great stuff before it’s gone for good.
Not since “The Flintstones” has a cartoon property been so horribly maimed on movie screens as Speed Racer. Watching this movie is like having a Technicolor turd smeared in your eyes while anything you might remember sorta liking about Speed Racer is smashed into oblivion with a computer made of skittles.
Many times I considered leaving the theater in disgust, but felt obligated to tough it out so that I could see all of the horrors that Speed Racer had in store for it’s unlucky viewers.
First things first: If there were ever any two people that have no business even being near a child, let alone make a movie for them, it’s the Wachowski brothers. So why, why, why on earth was Speed Racer the most childish movie imaginable? What child has even heard of Speed Racer? Following is a complete list of people that would have probably liked to see a Speed Racer movie:
1. Old people
2. Stoners
You’ll notice that “children” is not a group that is represented here. There is no new Speed Racer cartoon re-launch. There are no re-runs being shown, and even if they were, today’s children wouldn’t give two shits about it. There are no action figures, comic books or collectible trading card games. There is NO AUDIENCE in this demographic. What’s more, even children will find Speed Racer to be shamelessly pandering, with sad attempts at comic relief, corny acting, lame story and boring action. If anything, Speed Racer only further proves that the only people that should ever be allowed to make movies for kids are Brad Bird and Robert Rodriguez.
Gifts that will get you omitted from your mom’s will
By Jeremy Azevedo
Each year, a bunch of morons sharpen their Scooby Doo pencils and set to work writing all these lame articles about what to get your mother for Mother’s Day, and it’s always the same crap. Unless your mother hates you with the intensity of a thousand fiery suns, she’ll enjoy most anything that you give her all the same.
That having been said, there are a few select gift ideas that you should avoid at all costs, which I have gone to the trouble of outlining for you here. As long as you avoid the following gifts, you should be the apple of your mom’s creepy glass eye this Mother’s Day.
“Hi mom! You accidently locked me outside again!”
A Bail Bond
“Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day! I’M IN JAIL! Can you bail me out?”
This is the second worst thing that you could ever say to your mom, the first being this:
“Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day! Guess what? I married Lindsay Lohan in Vegas, converted to Scientology, dropped out of school, have AIDS, killed a US senator for Al Qaeda and never really liked your meatloaf! Happy Mother’s Day!”
A New Pet
A lovely creature in need of a good home or euthanasia.
Your mom doesn’t need another mangy ass pet to take care of for twenty years. Nothing says “Screw you, Mom!” like saddling her with another helpless living creature to stress her out every time she’s trying to go on a vacation, to piss/shit all over her carpet and burrow holes in her nice furntiture.
Lloyd talks with CraveOnline about the origin of Troma.
By Jeremy Azevedo
Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, is one of the pioneers of the B-movie subculture, responsible for countless hit cult movies such as The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD.
A lot of people don’t know this, but Troma is the longest running independent studio in the history of filmmaking. In this segment, Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma, talks with CraveOnline about the origins of Troma and the influences that ushered him into the world of independent cinema.
Next week: Lloyd talks with CraveOnline about the foreseeable future of Troma!
Everybody remembers the final bosses of all the classic NES game: Bowser, Red Falcon, Gannon, Mother Brain, Dr. Wiley. But what about the lesser bosses… the assistant managers of evil in the department store of adventure? What about them, huh?
In honor of the middle management monsters of gaming’s past, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most compelling minibosses of the NES era.
Former baddies at the law offices of Hippo, Birdo, Woodman and Sachs.
Birdo (Super Mario Bros. 2)
Quite possibly the most disturbing example of cosplay ever conceived.
Just what the hell is a “Birdo” anyway? A transgender reptile/bird/mammal thing that spits eggs out of it’s gaping snout as an act of aggression? Eggs that never hatch? What sort of creature would do something like that? How do they reproduce, by getting mustached plumbers to re-fertilize them by chucking the eggs back at them or something?
Whatever the hell it is, Birdo shares the important distinctions of being both the first openly bi-curious video game character and the first miniboss to ever have a “nerdcore” metal song written about it:
