“Black Tide” is a group of old school metal heads, most of which are still in school, as their ages range from as old as 19 to as young as 15. Despite their age, these kid shred like the swarthiest, beardiest, 40 year old Dio cover band you’ve ever seen.
This is because the band was grown in test tubes by Interscope scientists, using the combined DNA of a tour bus full of Iron Maiden fans that crashed in 1983. The genetic protoplasm that would eventually become Black Tide was continually exposed to the 2CD “Monsters of Rock” collection (as seen on TV!) every waking moment of their incubation process (and also in the sleeping moments, too).
Black Tide kickin’ it in Hell, being all like “whatever!”
As we move further and further into the digital age, sharing your creative vision with other musicians in a band is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. We now have computers that can play most any instruments convincingly enough for us, thus eliminating the need for human collaboration.
Some people think this is unnatural, a cop-out. Others call it progress. In the case of Daniel Hunter, the one-man band that is the beating heart of MySpace favorite “PlayRadioPlay”, this shift seems to be working out quite well in his favor.
Like most people you meet from Texas these days, Daniel looks like a pussy. It’s hard to remember that all those bloody westerns you saw as a kid were: A. period pieces and B. populated by tough looking (albeit probably homosexual) actors from California. But while he may look like a weenie, Daniel plays his little keyboards like a goddamn sonuvabitch on fire. I imagine that’s an expression one might use in Texas so I thought I’d throw it in there.
The dude from PRP pretending to be a robot or something, don’t ask me why.
“Good Lord, What Are You Doing?” AKA “Everyone’s a Rat”
Apparently, this is the last trailer for GTA IV that Rockstar is going to release prior to the much-anticipated release of the game on April 29, 2008. The trailer looks so good, it’s nearly impossible not to get caught up in the hype surrounding this game. But I won’t waste any more of your time telling you about it, because you can see for yourself right here.
If you go into “Run Fat Boy Run” expecting it to be anything like Simon Pegg’s previous films, “Shaun of the Dead” or “Hot Fuzz”, prepare to be sorely disappointed. First of all, there’s no Edgar Wright, Simon’s tubbier sidekick, Second of all, Run Fat Boy Run was directed by David Schwimmer, who everyone knows is a nerd.
However, the script was written by “The State” alum Michael Ian Black, so that’s a comfort. But it’s about a fat guy that isn’t even really all that fat, which is sorta weird. There are a lot of expectations one might have going into this film, so it’s best if you just sort of let all that go and try and enjoy the picture for what it is: a charming comedy that tells a pretty ordinary story under the guise of an extraordinary premise.
Wait, did I just use the word “charming” in a review? I’m afraid so. The thing about this movie is, about the time you realize that this is ultimately a pretty formulaic film, you also realize that this isn’t always such a bad thing to be. And because of the strength of the cast, what might otherwise come across as cheesy is somehow disarmingly endearing. Much of the credit for this has to be given to Simon Pegg. He is such an “everyman” that virtually anyone can see them self in his position. He’s not too dorky, or too cool, or too good looking, he’s just a really average guy with pretty significant comedic acting chops that can convey a lot by doing very little.
Endless hype for stupid entertainment products surround us at all times. Hype that blinds us with enormous glossy turds, making it hard to see the little gems that maybe don’t have millions of advertising dollars helping to shove them right in our faces.
That’s why the C4 Anti Suck algorithim was invented, to scientifically sift through all the junk and find four things that absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, will not suck in any way.
Funny Games
I’ve seen so many negative things written about “Funny Games”, that I feel something must be said in its defense. Funny Games is neither torture-porn nor art-house smut, as most of the critics would have you believe. Actually, it more closely resembles a classic thriller like “Cape Fear” or maybe the disturbing “Last House on the Left” than it does shitty slapstick shock horror like “Saw” or “Hostel.
In this film, the victims are fully developed and relateable adult characters rather than the usual 22-year-old models running around screaming and crying. The villains, on the other hand, are so disturbingly psychopathic that any explanation for their behavior would seem contrived, and so, no explanation is given. Seriously, when Michael Pitt breaks the fourth wall and addresses the audience directly, your skin will crawl. This is where the film really excels, by the way, when it reaches out to the viewer and forces you to react. This is something that most films these days have forgotten how to do.
I’ll never see preppy dorks in quite the same way ever again.
Like the 1994 Oliver Stone picture that tackled the same basic subject matter “Natural Born Killers”, Funny Games gives bloodthirsty audiences all the horror they can stomach and more. Although no actual gore is ever really shown, the terror is tangible, and the shots are painfully long and awkward, at first exciting you with promises of bat-shit crazy murder before making you feel like a sick freak for being entertained by such a thing in the first place.
We recently had the opportunity to talk with skate legend Tony Hawk about his new website, “Shred Or Die”. Shred Or Die combines some of the best elements of YouTube with social networking features and original content designed specifically for the burgeoning action sports community. But there’s little sense in me telling you about it, as Tony explains it much better than I ever could in the following video:
Behind the scenes of their totally metal new video
By Jeremy Azevedo
Despite the lot of them being under 20 years of age, Black Tide shreds like the 80s metal bands of yesteryear that many of us fondly remember headbanging to back in the day.
While most kids their age are playing guitar hero like a bunch of pansy ass nerds, these dudes are playing rapid-fire salvos of face melting thrash like it’s as easy as turning on a goddamn light switch. Although none of these kids are officially related, it is theorized that they were all secretly fathered by the soul and messenger of the Other Gods from Outside, the crawling chaos, Nyarlathotep. Who is also the half-brother of King Diamond, coincidently!
Anyway, we’ve got an exclusive behind the scenes clip from Black Tide’s video shoot for their first single, “Shockwave”. It reminds me a little of a mix between Twisted Sister’s video for “We’re Not Gonna Take It”, the Beastie Boys video for “Fight For Your Right To Party” and a little bit of “House Party” thrown in for good measure. Check it out!
I would like to tell you all the ways in which the new self titled album by the band “Saving Abel” is terrible, but their own bio does them more of a disservice then I ever could. So instead of writing another boring review, I’m going to post their hilariously over-enthusiastic bio right here, with my own interjections popping in here and there for extra laffs…
From Saving Abel’s Bio:
“You know when you hear a song on the radio and you don’t know who it is, but you love it and feel like you’ve heard it before? That’s our band! (Yay! We’re completely derivative!) The first time someone hears us, they go, ‘I know that band!’ Then someone explains, ‘no, it’s a brand-new song and band.’ (Although I can see how you would be confused, such that they sound exactly like Buckcherry.) Saving Abel has an accessible and comfortable sound—you HAVE heard us before,” states lead singer Jared Weeks. (Jesus, even their bio is repetitive.) On their self-titled Virgin Records debut, songs range from the wild road tale in “New Tattoo” to the sexual innuendos of the aptly titled first single, “Addicted.” (And by “innuendo”, they mean, “as clearly and obviously stated as is humanly possible”.)
See you guys next time you’re here when you kick my ass in for me!
Weeks and Jason Null formed the (shitty) band in their small hometown of Corinth, Mississippi (Best know for its… um… well actually it’s pretty much unheard of.) in 2004. They met when Weeks, who was in a (probably even worse) band, was playing guitar at his best friend’s house, when Null, who was in a rival local group (Because being in a band in Corinth, MS is akin to being in a production of “West Side Story”), walked in to rehearse with his (almost certainly terrible) band. Within days of that meeting, Null and Weeks were writing and honing the intimate writing (and Greco-Roman oil wrestling) style that now defines Saving Abel.
Because you are a huge nerd with too much time on your hands
By Jeremy Azevedo
I’m not really sure what a Yugioh is, and I’m not particularly inclined to care. As I understand it, it’s one of those Magic: The Gathering type games that nerds who can’t afford video games play in their parent’s basements until the age of 40, at which time they die of Mountain Dew Xtreme overdose.
I’ll tell you something else though, some of these nerds have created a site that allows you to make your own cards. Now you might be asking yourself, “why in the hell would I want to do that?” The answer is simple. You would want to do it for the same reason that you would do anything else: for the LULZ.
For those of you that have a hard time imagining why this might be a fun waste of time, I have wasted some time of my own creating my very own set of Yu-Gi-Oh cards:
Our review of the Nintendo fanboy’s latest wet dream!
By Dustin Pena
II spent a wonderful Saturday in Hollywood waiting in line, miles away from any hint of a woman, for the midnight release of my most anticipated game of 2008, Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the Nintendo Wii.
Magically I was the first lucky gamer to purchase the game at the stroke of midnight and as I made my way out of the store I was met by a round of applause from my fellow line goers. I felt just like Cinderella, only sexier.
The first thing I did when I got home was attempt to lay a smash down on the world by throwing my mitts around over the Nintendo Wi-Fi connection. I waited longer to get a match than I did in line to buy the game! What?! Nintendo knew this was gonna be a huge selling point for the game so why were the servers taking a leave of absence? Simply Amazing. In fact it wasn’t until my buddy and I traded our very personal Friend Codes that I was able to quickly connect and hand him his ass on a turtle shell. Once I started wailing on him and mouthing off with my personalized taunts like “Kiss my brown” I saw a little light at the end of a very long, long tunnel.
Mario takes a break from the action to help a Pikachu cross the street.
After we disconnected I decided to do what I do best, play with myself. I quickly pummeled through Classic Mode with my favorite newcomer, Pit from the Kid Icarus series, made popular on the NES and Gameboy. The game has a hefty roster of new challengers to get acclimated to, but I only found a select few (hint: they all have wings) suitable to my fighting style. The rest were mostly throw aways as far as I’m concerned, but I’m sure that somewhere out there, someone is an Olimar loyalist. Right? Maybe? I just keep telling myself that and I’m sure Nintendo does too. The biggest change in the series is the inclusion of non-Nintendo characters for the first time but you’ll have to earn ‘em
