Mongo Nation

Film

Most Hyped Movie: TIE - Spider-Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Two trilogy-capping summer blockbusters, each with a budget of more than $250 million. One absolutely sucked (Spider-Man), while the other was way too long and simply not that good (Pirates). Whose idea was it to have 3 villains in Spiderman 3? Did we not learn anything from Batman Forever? Oooh, a bad guy made of sand. A more thorough Venom storyline would have been more than enough to captivate audiences. As for Pirates, the whole thing just seemed like one giant seasick clusterf*ck. No thrills.

Least Hyped Movie: The Kingdom

A gripping look at the war on terror through the eyes of a team of FBI agents, who are sent to investigate the bombing of a foreign-workers facility in Saudi Arabia. The power-combo team of director Peter Berg and Matthew Michael Carnahan as screenwriter make this indisputably the underrated film of the year. The Kingdom culminates in a one sentence finale that is more powerful than any film ending in recent memory. A must-see.

Johnny Firecloud

Gaming

Most Hyped Videogame or System: The Wii

It’s boggles my mind how an underpowered system with no more than three undeniably great games and thousands of bad ones can be sold out for two years straight. As a longtime fan, I really, really want to believe that Nintendo has a plan for the future of this machine, but as it stands, it seems that the hype is far outweighing the performance. While Nintendo has successfully targeted the “casual, non-gamer” market, the people that actually do play games have got nothing to work with. So what if every man, woman and child has one (if they can find one!)? Without software, Nintendo is shit out of luck when those “casual” gamers move on to the next fad, because I’m just going to go right out and say it: While the Wiimote is a really cool idea, it doesn’t work well for most games, even ones that are specifically designed for it, like “Victorious Boxers” and “Trauma Center”. Add to that a long list of disappointments, from “Soul Caliber Legends” to “Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games”, and you’ve got trouble. Unless 3rd party development makes some major improvements in the very near future, and the goddamn mini-game collections come to a stop, the next Mario game you play may very well be on an Xbox 720.

Least Hyped Videogame or System: The PS2

Has anyone noticed that the dusty old Playstation 2 has got ten times as many good games as it’s younger, more expensive sibling? If you’re a fan of RPGs, you’ve got great games like ”Persona 3” and “Rouge Galaxy”. PS2 has rights to Adult Swim licenses such as “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” and “Harvey Birdman”, GTA ports from the PSP and some amazing sleeper hit games like “Fire Pro Wrestling”, “The Red Star” and “Odin Sphere” (Probably one of the best looking and playing games of the year for any system, period). Additionally, let’s not forget that PS2 is the birthplace of the music game renaissance currently being enjoyed by Guitar Heroes everywhere, and is the only place you can play exclusive Guitar Hero and Singstar 80s editions, among many others. Also factor in “God of War 2” and I think you’ll agree that the PS2 has been having a very good year, albeit one that occurred well under the radar.

Jeremy Azevedo

Comics

The Most Hyped Comic Event: Countdown

Countdown is the second weekly comic series to be produced in as many years. The 52 week long series is set to redefine contemporary DC Comics and update the company and their characters. Typically a monthly affair, part of the buzz surrounding Countdown is the weekly production schedule which makes the series one of the industry’s most labor intensive. Paul Dini leads the creative as the Head Writer, with a host of other writers and artists contributing week after week. Dini has made several promises concerning the series; chief among these is the inevitable end of Jack Kirby’s beloved Fourth World, making way for a new Fifth World.

Least Hyped Comic: Annihilation

Annihilation was the greatest series you didn’t read in 2006-07 and it looks like the follow up is also coming in below the radar. One genre in Marvel that is frequently neglected is space; despite having countless alien species and visitors, not a lot happens out in space. That all changed when Marvel took an old Fantastic Four villain and loosed him on the universe. Annihilation: Conquest is the follow up by Andy Lanning and Dan Abnett with pencils by Tom Raney and already it’s a series that you should be ashamed for missing. The third issue will be along soon, with the first two issues still in stores.

Dante Maddox

Humor

Most Hyped Comedy: Anything by Judd Apatow

It’s hard to discredit a guy who either written produced and/or directed 3 of the biggest films of the year, while also managing to make fat, hairy, awkward guys the movie stars du jour. Judd Apatow has helped to raise the expectations of film-going audiences across the board when it comes to comedy. No longer will people settle for poorly written one trick pony crap like American Pie 7: Some Non-Comedic Actor Puts His Dick in Something and Whatever Ben F**king Stiller is Doing this Week. That having been said, maybe it’s about time “Judd Dredd” gave it a rest already. The reality of the movie industry is that only a handful of comedies can make it to the theater each year. And if Apatow is behind three of them, that means there are two other guys that didn’t even get a chance. And for those of you that think the man is infallible, and that this is a good thing, I would like to point out that Judd Apatow was also the writer of notorious suck-fest Fun with Dick and Jane.

Least Hyped Comedy: Hot Fuzz

Just what does it take to impress you people anyway? Despite the fact that Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg had previously brought you Shaun of the Dead, a movie that redefined the horror-comedy genre, despite the fact that they accomplished this very same feat with the action-comedy genre, and even though Hot Fuzz was clearly the best movie of any kind that came out all year, hardly anyone saw it. Hot Fuzz had at least as many (if not more) laughs as Superbad, and at least as much over-the-top action as Die Hard 4: Die Balder. If you haven’t seen Hot Fuzz, watch it immediately. Even if you have seen it, watch it again. If you don’t think it’s the best buddy-cop movie since “Turner and Hooch”, then you, my friend, are obviously a mongoloid.

Jeremy Azevedo

Music

Most Hyped Album: Radiohead - In Rainbows

“The infrastructure will collapse,” Thom Yorke softly suggests near the end of Radiohead’s seventh album, a record that managed to subvert a crumbling, top-heavy and sickeningly greedy industry simply by selling itself. The hype surrounding In Rainbows was far less about the music (fantastic, by the way) than the the band’s pay-what-you-want method of getting the music to the people, creating a tipping point in the era of digital distribution of music. Never before has a single album inspired such a collective shudder among major music labels, who, thanks to Radiohead, now have no choice but to take a long hard look at their antiquated methods of stealing money from kids. Welcome to the digital revolution.

Least Hyped Album: Beastie Boys - The Mix-Up

The Beasties’ first all-instrumental record is a lesson in groove and texture, grounded in soul-jazz with a style that’s uniquely and undeniably the Beastie Boys, even though there’s not a rhyme to be found. Skewered by critics who apparently couldn’t stop whining about the lack of rhyming long enough to actually listen to it, The Mix-Up is more than the sum of its dub/soul/funk/jazz influences. Heavy on rhythm and subtle psychedelics, the Beastie Boys show how they’ve sharpened as players, weaving seamless grooves together with tight latin rhythms for an album that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Johnny Firecloud

---

And there you have it, the 2007 CraveOnline Awards come to an end! Drop us a line at editor@craveonline.com to tell us what you thought of the list and what your picks of the year are. And remember: Don’t believe the hype.

3. The artist will have some love interest that comes in and out of their lives at opportune points in their character development cycle.

This love interest will have such a strong bond with the artist that one might wonder how it is that they never communicate effectively enough to discover any personal information about the artist’s motivations for the way they live their life, ever. You will be expected to ignore this fact and cry every time this love interest leaves/comes back under meaningful circumstances.

4. Every time the artist has some sort of personal epiphany, the epiphany in question will become the title of a song, which they will then play immediately.

This will happen at least five times in every movie, at the beginning and end of the hero’s journey, in the central climax, and twice in-between as a false climax.

5. The artist will meet other famous people at times, who will not hesitate to repeat their names many times in case you couldn’t already recognize them by their ridiculous costume.

Example: If the other famous person is a young Michael Jackson, he will be dressed in the same outfit he wears in the “Thriller” video and will introduce himself thusly: “Hello, (insert artist’s name here), I am Michael Jackson, and I am here with my sister, Janet. Janet Jackson. I, Michael Jackson, am famous for singing and dancing on my album, “Thriller”. It’s a pleasure for me, Michael Jackson, to meet you, (insert artist’s name here)”.

Dewey Cox in his requisite drug phase, juking pigs whilst high on PCP.

6. The artist will have a group of supporters that love them no matter what.

This group may be either A. their band, B. their management team that has “always believed in them” c. their family or D. any combination of the above. Either way, this support group will leave the artist in their darkest hour, causing them to face their demons alone, rip sinks out of walls and go on a voyage of personal discovery. Once this voyage has been completed the support group will then return, except for in the case of artists who go on to commit suicide, in which case the support group will then be painted as contributors to the artists victimhood.

7. In the event that the artist does not either kill their self or die in a tragic accident that is played up for sympathy by placing the blame on society as a whole, their entire life will then be summarized cohesively by their actions in their final year alive.

The original trauma will always be identified and eliminated in the winter years of the artist’s life, whether it is a bad relationship with their father, a repressed memory or anything of the sort. The artist will then be free to rest peacefully and will then invariably die, as there is no more use for them story-wise, as the source of drama has thus been ended.

8. A week after the movie based on an artist is released theatrically, the real life artist will die.

Either by shame or by shock that their life story has been so thoroughly bastardized, the artist will always take a dirt nap just before Oscar voting season. This will guarantee the filmmakers will win or a least get nominated for several awards out of either pity or sycophantic “sympathy and respect” for the newly deceased. Some will wonder if comprehensive autopsy has been performed out of suspicion of foul play, but will eventually become so annoyed by the mere mention of the artist’s name that they will tune it out and forget the whole thing.

Thankfully, Dewy Cox is not a real person, so this fate will not fall upon him, unless there is no sequel, in which case I guess the character would be considered technically dead.

Whew. Anyway. Going back to Walk Hard, it’s clear the Jake Kasdan and Judd Apatow are well aware of these rules and take great pleasure in lampooning them one by one, so effectively, in fact, that you almost find yourself actually caring about Dewey Cox and his tragically funny life. And this is where the film really shines. All the dick and fart jokes are present and accounted for, and by dick jokes, I mean full frontal male nudity. This movie does not hold back in its language or subject matter in any way. But at the same time it’s actually a very good movie, with excellent acting throughout, especially by the film’s star, John C. Reilly.

A selection of Dewey Cox record album covers… looks a lot like my mom’s collection!

Aside from the excellent performances by the extensive list of character actors that almost reaches into triple digits, the real star of Walk Hard is of course the music. Much depends on the audience actually believing that Dewey Cox is really an iconic music figure, and Walk Hard delivers in this respect. The songs range from near perfect reproductions of music styles from several eras in music history to hilariously bad and offensive songs that will probably make you laugh out loud, if not at least crack an involuntary smirk or two.

In the end, Dewey Cox is a film that will appeal to people that hate music biopics and those that love them equally, because it so effectively punks the genre that it almost becomes the very thing that it’s trying to attack. And because people that like music biopics would probably watch a movie about a monkey pissing into his own mouth for two straight hours if it had a big enough name attached to it. Either way, go see this movie.