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Archive for August, 2007


SkinBag: Human Skin Fashion and Accesories 0

Posted on August 30, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Where Leatherface would shop if he had internet access

Fur is so passé. This season, Serial Killer Chic is in, thanks to Skinbag!


Hipster Buffalo Bill: “Would you f**k me? I’d f**k me. I’d f**k me hard. Right after I finish my latte.”

Skinbag makes a range of products for the discerning maniac from a synthetic human skin that looks disgustingly real. (Seriously, it has wrinkles and veins and everything.) Look just like “Buffalo Bill” in stylish jackets and skirts that appear to have been carved right off of a freshly butchered transient!

Skinbag also makes camera bags and even courier laptop bags for the tech-savy whackjob with lots of money and disproportionately less common sense. Get yours today, and shame your family by dressing like a freak even though it’s not even Halloween time!


Made from leftovers of fat people after plastic surgery! Just kidding! (I think)

You can’t fault Skinbag for being original. But I think it’s safe to say that it is pretty gross.

Ill-Advised Car Gadgets 0

Posted on August 29, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Pimp your ride with all manner of crazy devices! Safety be damned!

Horntones

Nothing screams “hey everyone, look at me, I’m a mongoloid!” like an annoying personal ringtone. Now, morons worldwide can extend this excruciatingly intolerable bit of “personalization” to their cars, too!


“Low Rider”, you are no longer alone amongst personalized honking sounds.

Horntones asks the question: Why settle for a “honk”, when you can have a few bars of T Pain’s “Buy U A Drank” instead? We answer: Because that’s stupid, potentially dangerous, and most certainly annoying. Horntones replies: It was a rhetorical question, dude, come on.

Simply introduce whatever crap song you happen to be listening to at the moment to your Horntone device via USB, and you’re ready to cause traffic accidents in style!

Top Cat Rabbit Travel Vibe

In the unlikely event that a woman might be so horny that they couldn’t even wait until they get home to masturbate, Top Cat is here to meet their needs with the Rabbit Travel Vibe.


Would be a trucker’s best friend, if they didn’t all have penises.

Simply plug the travel vibes 12V adaptor into your cars electric socket, and commence to jigglin’! The ever-popular rabbit design is allegedly the most powerful stimulator in the world, and what better place to make use of it then while you are in dead stop traffic! Surrounded by strangers. Staring at you.

The Top Cat Rabbit Travel Vibe makes a great gift for nymphomaniacs and exhibitionists, and is probably not legal or safe to use while your car is in motion. But danger is sexy, right?

Road Pro Car Appliances

Remember that one episode of the Simpsons where Homer has installed a number of household appliances in his car, like a coffee maker, an iron, a TV and a waffle iron? And then he drives his car off a bridge because he couldn’t even see the road?


Sigh… If only there was a way to spill a whole pot of scalding hot coffee in my lap all at once… What? There is? Hot diggity dog!

You too, can drive off a bridge as a result of being ass-deep in incongruously placed appliances thanks to Road Pro! Road Pro offers a range of appliances that have no business being in a car, ranging from coffee makers to portable oven/pizza makers. All of which plug directly into your cars electric socket!

Why stop at an AM/PM when you can brew coffee, pop popcorn, mix blended cocktails and toast a delicious panini sandwich in the comfort of your own automobile? Turn your car into the world’s smallest and most volatile RV with the help of Road Pro.

Gadgets for the Drinking Man 0

Posted on August 29, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Because nothing goes together like liquids and sensitive electronics!

Asahi Beer Pouring Robot

Are you too lazy to open your own beer? Have you got a mighty thirst for a delicious frosty beverage, but have the motor skills of Stephen Hawking? Asahi’s Beer Pouring Robot is here to help!


Like an alcoholic R2D2

This ingenious robo-pal can refrigerate a six-pack, open and pour you a beer, all the while entertaining you with recordable audio and programmable LCD display. Unlike your own swarthy self, the Asahi Beer Pouring Robot is self-cleaning. It’s like a girlfriend that won’t have sex with you! So it’s more like a wife, really, only not as round.

It takes about as long for the Asahi Beer Pouring Robot to actually finish pouring you a brew as it does to open and drink one yourself, but this does little to diminish the cool factor. Combine with a portable latrine and never leave the couch again!

Beer Pager

Always losing your beer around the house or at parties? The Beer Pager circumvents this problem by providing you with a tiny key that’s even easier to lose!


Possibly the classiest gadget since the advent of the Fart Machine

Assuming that you are capable of holding on to the key, just press the giant red button and a resounding belch will issue forth from your Beer pager beer cozy/coaster. Follow the sound and flashing lights back to your wayward beverage. Crisis averted!

The Beer Pager comes in a the stylish design shown above, and can accommodate virtually any can or bottle! 40oz. drinkers will sadly have to continue duct taping them to their hands, as there are no plans for a larger cozy at this time.

Booze Cruz RC Drinking Game

Do you love drunk driving but hate spending the night in the slammer? Still itchy from the crabs you contracted on your last visit? Be safe and play the Booze Cruz RC Drinking Game instead!


Sobriety Test Playset sold seperatley

Booze Cruz RC comes with a remote controlled car with an indentation for placing a shot glass of your favorite liquor. Also included are cones to be used for building an obstacle course.

How shit-faced drunk can you get and still navigate the course without spilling your drink? Spice things up and buy two so you can play Cops and Drunkards or Lindsay Lohan Coked Out Car Chase!

K-Os: Collected 0

Posted on August 29, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

One of the best hip hop/soul releases of the year.

With the recent success of Hip-Hop acts like Common and MF Doom, Canadian artist K-Os has enjoyed a recent upswing in popularity. Already a superstar in Canada, K-Os is finally achieving increased relevancy in the US market that has been somewhat elusive to him in the past.

In order to reintroduce himself to worldwide audiences and get on that hipster rap gravy train before it leaves the station, K-Os has released a collection of singles and favorite unreleased tracks from his three previous albums.

K-Os Collected as a whole sounds like a perfectly cohesive album. If you didn’t already know better, you couldn’t possibly guess that some of this material is from as far back as 2002.


I guess they have American Apparel over in Canada too. Canadian Apparel?

This works well in the album’s favor, as a wide range of styles are present, ranging from Amy Winehouse nouveau-classical soul (on The Rain and Crucial) to Neptunes style bangers (I Am). Some songs even showcase 80’s rock throwback (Born To Run) and flows that hearken back to the Pharcyde or the Roots (on Equalizer, Mushaboom).

While K-Os has been known as the type of artist that is either too critical or too introspective, much of his new material strikes a balance between the two, and in addition to this, he has really come into his own as a guitarist and keyboardist. While on tour, K-Os plays with a live band, and this lends him a better perspective of the importance of performance than most hip-hop artists have.

Honestly I can’t recommend this album enough, especially if you are unfamiliar with K-Os. There is enough variety here to please just about everyone. K-Os Collected is the kind of album that can indie rap hipsters and casual listeners can both agree on.

Halo Movie: Pics and Video! 0

Posted on August 28, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Commence: Nerdgasm

Despite the fact that studio funding has been halted indefinitely, new live action Halo video and behind the scenes stills have recently surfaced, and we have them here:

Halo Live Action Video: Combat

While it seems that this footage is to be used as promotion for the upcoming Halo 3 release, rumors persist that it is actually test footage to be shown to investors in hopes of reviving production of the canceled Halo movie.

Similarly to the “Arms Race” footage debuted earlier at this year’s E3, the new “Combat” video was directed by Neill Blomkamp and produced by Peter Jackson, in collaboration with Bungie Studios, Weta Workshop and Origami Digital.

Clearly the video is not up to the “A-Picture” standards one would expect, but it has to be said that it still looks pretty impressive. Especially when one considers that production of the Halo movie was supposedly halted nearly a year ago.

Microsoft, Bungie, Jackson and Blomkamp all seem committed to bringing the Halo movie project back into the light, and after seeing this promotional clip, I wish them luck. If what we’ve seen so far is any indication, a Halo movie would be a more than welcome addition to next summer’s blockbuster movie schedule.

Halo Live Action Video: Arms Race

Midnight Club: Los Angeles Screens 0

Posted on August 28, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Screens and info from the upcoming release!

We’ve got screenshots from Rockstar’s upcoming Midnight Club: Los Angeles, and they look AMAZING!

As you can see, the corny DUB motif appears to have been downplayed for this new version of Midnight Club, and I think that we can all agree that it’s probably for the best.

This edition will take place in a very convincingly accurate representation of Los Angeles (minus the traffic of course), one that takes up more space than all three of the last game’s cities combined

Midnight Club: Los Angeles will be an open-ended game in which you are always on the go, and pick up races and missions on the fly. Sounds like a pretty cool way to do online multiplayer right? No word on that yet, but it is a definite possibility!

Wii Virtual Console Reviews, Aug. 27 0

Posted on August 27, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

This week: Hardcore niche classics for the self-flagellating gamer!

This week in Virtual Console releases: Games that are awesome if you didn’t already download any of the nearly identical versions that already came out a month ago!

Ghouls ‘n Ghosts – Genesis – 3 out of 5


Naked bearded dude faces his imminent death, scratches ass.

This is one of those games that is loved by many and reviled by the rest. I want to like Ghouls ‘n Ghosts (in it’s various incarnations), but even by arcade standards they are stupid hard. If I wanted to watch little dudes in their underwear get killed every 30 seconds, I’d rent a Taiwanese snuff film.

Compounding the reasons why this game is unnecessary, it comes out after the very similar but wholly superior SNES version, Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, has already been out for weeks. If you are a gaming masochist, at least get that version, which has superior graphics and sound, and controls slightly better.

If you have a bad temper, take my advice and stay the hell away from this game. Nobody wants to hear F-bombs raining like a hailstorm from your living room window.

Super C – NES – 4 out of 5


Shirtless muscle man Vs. the Vagina Dentata = Bitchen’ to the maxxx!

Here’s an example of a great game that looks less so by comparison. We’ve already got Contra 3, Gunstar Heroes and Bloody Wolf. How many games about macho shirtless dudes blowing up robots and commies like bullets are going out of style do we really need? The answer is: As many as it goddamn takes, so shut up.

I’m sure many of us have fond memories of (2-D era) Contra, and this is due in large to the influence of this game. Super C pushed the limits of what was possible on the NES, improving on the original in almost every way, and I’d be hard pressed to name many shooters in it’s peer group that even come close to being as good.

This is not to say that Super C is without flaw or even that it fully withstands the test of time. The controls are not perfect, the challenge is a bit extreme at times (though nowhere near as difficult as the aforementioned Ghouls ‘n Ghosts) and of course the graphics and sounds are a bit dated. But fans of Contra that haven’t played this game in ten years will be delighted to discover that the magic is still there.

Breath of Fire 2 – SNES – 4 out of 5


Someone must have let Iron Maiden design these monsters….

Amongst the many B-list RPG franchises, I’ve always had a soft spot for Breath of Fire. It’s one of those series that has little in the way of major innovation, but manages to get the minor details right. Random battles are not too frequent, localization is serviceable, and the narrative is at times surprisingly original.

Despite being fairly standard fare, which is more of a hindrance to the RPG genre than it is in others due to the time investment required, Breath of Fire manages to come at you with characters and situations unlike anything else that you’ve experienced. Your party is made up of cat people, monkey people, armadillo people, frog people… it’s basically a furry’s dream.

Gameplay is the usual turn based combat, overhead map dungeon exploring treasure hunt, but side quests, shape shifting dragon battles as well as a fairly decent story break up the monotony. If you haven’t already got the GBA port of this game, and have the time to devote to a dated RPG, you should definitely try Breath of Fire 2.

Guitar Hero 3 Tracklist! 0

Posted on August 24, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

46 Songs confirmed to date! More to come!

I know that you Guitar Heroes out there are dying to know what songs you’ll be shredding in the upcoming Guitar Hero 3!

Of the 70+ songs expected to be included, these are the songs that have been confirmed by Activision (In alphabetical order):

* “3’s and 7’s” - Queens of the Stone Age
* “Avalancha” - Héroes del Silencio
* “Barracuda” - Heart
* “Black Magic Woman” - Santana
* “Cherub Rock” - Smashing Pumpkins
* “Closer” - Lacuna Coil
* “Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll” - Blue Öyster Cult
* “Cult of Personality” - Living Colour
* “Even Flow” - Pearl Jam
* “Generation Rock” - Revolverheld
* “Go That Far” - Bret Michaels Band
* “Hier Kommt Alex” - Die Toten Hosen
* “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” - Pat Benatar
* “I’m in the Band” - The Hellacopters
* “In the Belly of a Shark” - Gallows
* “Knights of Cydonia” - Muse
* “La Grange” - ZZ Top
* “Lay Down” - Priestess
* “Mauvais Garçon” - NAAST
* “The Metal” - Tenacious D
* “Minus Celsius” - Backyard Babies
* “Miss Murder” - AFI
* “Mississippi Queen” - Mountain


Fact: True Guitar Heroes never, ever close their mouths. No matter what. *”My Name Is Jonas” - Weezer

* “The Number of the Beast” - Iron Maiden
* “One” - Metallica (!)
* “Paint It Black” - The Rolling Stones
* “Paranoid” - Black Sabbath
* “Radio Song” - Superbus
* “Raining Blood” - Slayer
* “Reptilia” - The Strokes
* “Rock and Roll All Nite” - Kiss
* “Rock You Like a Hurricane” - Scorpions
* “Ruby” - Kaiser Chiefs
* “Sabotage” - Beastie Boys
* “School’s Out” - Alice Cooper
* “She Bangs the Drums” - The Stone Roses
* “She Builds Quick Machines” - Velvet Revolver
* “Slow Ride” - Foghat
* “Suck My Kiss” - Red Hot Chili Peppers
* “Sunshine of Your Love” - Cream
* “Talk Dirty to Me” - Poison
* “Take This Life” - In Flames
* “Through the Fire and Flames” - DragonForce
* “Welcome to the Jungle” - Guns N’ Roses
* “When You Were Young” - The Killers


Fact: Unlike their real life counterparts, video Guitar Heroes will never, ever, “hit that”.

This looks to be a better track list than even the most optimistic Hero could have hoped for, and that’s not even taking into consideration the remaining 20-30 songs yet to be announced.

We’re all particularly excited about the inclusion of Metallica, Slayer and Dragonforce, as well as the return of series favorites like Guns N’ Roses, The Rolling Stones and Iron Maiden!

Having the support of newer bands like The Strokes, Preistess and the Killers may also help to keep GH3 at the top of the rhythm action genre when rivals Harmonix and MTV release Rock Band this November.

There is still no word as whether AC/DC and Led Zeppelin will be included.

Sony Unveils DVR for the PS3! 0

Posted on August 24, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Play TV: Because your new PS3 isn’t expensive enough as it is!

In a move that may send shock waves through the gaming console industry, Sony has unveiled a new add-on device for the PS3, dubbed “Play TV”, that will allow users to record live television and store it on the console’s hard drive. The programs can even be transferred wirelessly to the PSP! Finally your dreams of watching hardcore porn on your PSP can become a reality!

In addition to this, Sony will also be releasing two new apps for the PSP, Go Explore, a satellite navigation system and Go Messenger, which offers a range of communication services, from voice and message chat to video file sharing.


Time to get a second job, Sony fanboys!

No release dates for Play TV have been set for the North American market, as US TV does not operate in the same digital format that the product is designed to utilize. All three products will be widely released in Europe in early 2008, and speculators say that an American release will be forthcoming the following year.

We are fast approaching a time when the expectations for new gaming consoles will cover a wider range of heretofore-unimagined applications. As the line between console and computer gaming, media management and communication grows ever thinner, Sony may be the first to truly incorporate all of your entertainment needs in one machine, even if it does cost significantly more than the sum of it’s parts.

Rockstar Table Tennis on the Wii! 0

Posted on August 24, 2007 by jeremyazevedo

Can a foosball sim be far behind?

Rockstar Leeds in collaboration with Rockstar San Diego has confirmed the Fall release of Table Tennis for the Nintendo Wii!

I can hardly think of a more appropriate game to be ported to the Wii, and our sources tell us that the physics engine comes as close to the real thing as is humanly possible.


Now if only someone would make a movie about this… Wait, someone already has? Oh well my life is complete then!

We’re very excited about the prospect of multi-player table tennis on the Wii, (just as long as we don’t have to stand too close to one another as we flail away) and can only hope that online play is included as well. And that our Wiimote wrist straps hold up!



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